Gauging his interest? Think I was too forward or did too much too soon?

[gittarheero]

Hello! This is my first post, and I have never needed to get dating advice before. I tend to be great at starting/maintaining relationships, but then this happened.

 

I used to live next door to this man for a few years, we said Hi in the hall, stopped to talk once in a while, etc. We flirted, but nothing ever was made of it. He moved out and I ran into him a few months later. We greeted each other with a kiss on the mouth (surprised us both!), and got chatting for a minute. I asked him if he wanted to swing by later to catch up since he was just heading into work, let our dogs run around, etc. He said sure and ended up coming over that night. We had awesome sex which I know was the first wrong move, but I think it was just pent up from having known each other, it didn't feel like a "first date" and it wasn't. We know each other as not being the type to bring home random people and sleep with them. Anyway, I texted him the next day thanking him for the great night, and he replied that he'd been thinking about it all day and that we should hang out again soon. 5 days later he's over again, repeat of night 1. We eat some food, watch some TV, have mindblowing sex. I had asked and he had planned to sleep over but got called back into work (bar manager). I walk him down to his car, he says that we should get sushi soon. I wait a week thinking he might give me a text, but I guess because I had invited him over the previous two times he might've expected me to continue? Or maybe this was another wrong move, but I texted him a week later saying "Sushi this week?" and got an instant "You bet!" back. I reply "Talk later this week then!" . . Fast forward to the later in the week and I forgot I was leaving for a week on Fri. So I send him a text "Going out of town on Fri for a week, sushi tomorrow night? (Wed)" He says he can't he's got an event he's doing . . and I say what about Fri. He says he has nothing planned at the moment for Fri. So I say let me know on Fri. It's Friday. . and I am stuck in traffic. . next to him. We roll down our windows and say hello, off to work?, hating this weather, etc. Then off we go, nothing said about hanging out tonight. I guess I'll know later tonight right if he's just not interested?

 

I know I gave it up too soon, but he was the one who said we should go out for dinner. I'm not trying to push him into a relationship or even go out every week, and I fear that I've given him that impression by being the one doing the texting/arranging? I know in a lot of cases that men would just be good with getting laid and then want nothing else, but I didn't get that feeling from him. Have I been too forward, should I not text him and see if/when he contacts me? I guess that'd be the best way to find out if he's interested. I want to let him know, without telling him so, that I'm up for some good times and hanging out, and not pushing into anything.

[single-n-lonely]

It seems to me like if he was interested he would have texted you or called u sooner.

 

most guys stop caring once they get some

 

hopefully i am wrong though

[gittarheero]

That's what I'm thinking now, he either was satisfied with the sex and didn't need anything else or he might've been interested in more but I scared him away with following up too soon.

[tkgirl]

Hello! This is my first post, and I have never needed to get dating advice before. I tend to be great at starting/maintaining relationships, but then this happened.

 

I used to live next door to this man for a few years, we said Hi in the hall, stopped to talk once in a while, etc. We flirted, but nothing ever was made of it. He moved out and I ran into him a few months later. We greeted each other with a kiss on the mouth (surprised us both!), and got chatting for a minute. I asked him if he wanted to swing by later to catch up since he was just heading into work, let our dogs run around, etc. He said sure and ended up coming over that night. We had awesome sex which I know was the first wrong move, but I think it was just pent up from having known each other, it didn't feel like a "first date" and it wasn't. We know each other as not being the type to bring home random people and sleep with them. Anyway, I texted him the next day thanking him for the great night, and he replied that he'd been thinking about it all day and that we should hang out again soon. 5 days later he's over again, repeat of night 1. We eat some food, watch some TV, have mindblowing sex. I had asked and he had planned to sleep over but got called back into work (bar manager). I walk him down to his car, he says that we should get sushi soon. I wait a week thinking he might give me a text, but I guess because I had invited him over the previous two times he might've expected me to continue? Or maybe this was another wrong move, but I texted him a week later saying "Sushi this week?" and got an instant "You bet!" back. I reply "Talk later this week then!" . . Fast forward to the later in the week and I forgot I was leaving for a week on Fri. So I send him a text "Going out of town on Fri for a week, sushi tomorrow night? (Wed)" He says he can't he's got an event he's doing . . and I say what about Fri. He says he has nothing planned at the moment for Fri. So I say let me know on Fri. It's Friday. . and I am stuck in traffic. . next to him. We roll down our windows and say hello, off to work?, hating this weather, etc. Then off we go, nothing said about hanging out tonight. I guess I'll know later tonight right if he's just not interested?

 

I know I gave it up too soon, but he was the one who said we should go out for dinner. I'm not trying to push him into a relationship or even go out every week, and I fear that I've given him that impression by being the one doing the texting/arranging? I know in a lot of cases that men would just be good with getting laid and then want nothing else, but I didn't get that feeling from him. Have I been too forward, should I not text him and see if/when he contacts me? I guess that'd be the best way to find out if he's interested. I want to let him know, without telling him so, that I'm up for some good times and hanging out, and not pushing into anything.

 

I'm a little confused that you said you were leaving friday (today) to go out of town for a week but then you agreed to today to go out for sushi... on the same night you are supposed to be leaving?

Anyho... I think you should pull back some if you really want to gauge his interest... let him contact you next time. Sure it's great to be so easy going, and just have a fun kind of thing but guys get bored with that... they like a challenge. I know you want to seem like the cool chick, low maintenance and all that but you can easily end up a doormat too...

[gittarheero]

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I instead was leaving on Sat due to weather, etc.

 

Thanks for the reply, I think I will sit back and let him come to me (or not, ha!). I am just worried that he won't contact me because I made all the first moves, but I guess if he's interested then he will make the effort.

[gittarheero]

But don't you think when we saw each other today in traffic he would have said . . So are we having sushi tonight or what? . . if he was interested?

[tkgirl]

But don't you think when we saw each other today in traffic he would have said . . So are we having sushi tonight or what? . . if he was interested?

 

yeah I do... or he should have contacted you in some way by now to confirm your plans. Don't beat yourself up over it... just learn from it and move on. Don't be so easy or guys will take you for granted and not put any effort into spending time with you etc.

[gittarheero]

Yeah, I thought so. I will definitely take what I can from this, I am usually the opposite where I will hold off on the sex for a while into dating, etc. I think I thought it was different because I knew him, but I guess not.

 

And if he contacted me later, like in a few weeks it'd probably be just for sex?

[tkgirl]

Yeah, I thought so. I will definitely take what I can from this, I am usually the opposite where I will hold off on the sex for a while into dating, etc. I think I thought it was different because I knew him, but I guess not.

 

And if he contacted me later, like in a few weeks it'd probably be just for sex?

 

well you never know, but probably... it's been casual from the beginning so you can't be too surprised about anyhting he does anymore.

My advice to you now is take some time figure out what it is that you want... and don't settle for being someone's booty call if it's not okay with you.

[gittarheero]

Problem is, I do want to hang out with him again, etc. And I do want it to be casual, a date here and there. . How do I keep that up if he doesn't text me? I'm not looking for a longterm thing right now so I am alright with it being casual, and I think that's what he wants. . how do I let him know that. I can't put that in a text right? Ha

[tkgirl]

Problem is, I do want to hang out with him again, etc. And I do want it to be casual, a date here and there. . How do I keep that up if he doesn't text me? I'm not looking for a longterm thing right now so I am alright with it being casual, and I think that's what he wants. . how do I let him know that. I can't put that in a text right? Ha

 

if that's what you want and this is how he acts... non-chalant and maybe even a little flaky... then you have to be ok with it. I don't think you are but that's just me... but if you do want it to be casual then... be casual! go with the flow... don't drive yourself crazy wondering when you'll see him again or if he likes you or whatever... in other words... chill!

[BellaMoon]

Hopefully I'm wrong...but I don't think so...I'd say he's just not that into you. Could be for any number of reasons from work to timing but I'd let him go. YOU have been doing ALL the contacting and even working with HIS schedule. Not good. Lots of guys out there. Do your own thing and don't ever contact him 'first' again. If there's something there on his end, he'll contact you and you won't have to question things.

[D-Lish]

You've been doing all the contacting, arranging, asking, inviting, texting...

If he was truly interested, he would have reciprocated. I'd say he's going with the flow for the sex- as most men would.

 

If all you want is a FWB arrangement- that's sort of what you already have. No commitments, no expectations.

 

If you want to invite him over for sex at your leisure, go ahead- but don't get attached.