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Should you wait for the guy to bring up the girlfriend/boyfriend thing?


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Old 23rd February 2010, 1:56 AM   #1
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Should you wait for the guy to bring up the girlfriend/boyfriend thing?

I've been dating a guy for a few months. We haven't had the "exclusive" talk but we have told each other that we haven't dated anyone since meeting each other and that we have no intentions of doing so. We're also at a point where dating another person would be seen as cheating. We communicate pretty well and have recently moved from saying "that's what I really like about you" to (he just said) "that's the person I love" (after I said something nice). So now I'm confused a bit. I just moved on like I didn't hear him use that word. And he has always says he takes things very slow. And the way he's been talking lately is a little different (example) "well, you know I always like to see you on that day"). When you're in your late 20's, for some reason calling him my boyfriend freaks me out. I can say he's my "guy." But then again, he hasn't "officially" asked me to be his "girlfriend." I really care about him and love who his is and have told him so. Two questions I guess: 1) Is it weird that I think I'd freeze up if he brought up the boyfriend/girlfriend talk even though we're not dating other people? 2) Who/how do people bring something like that up? For instance, I kind of feel like I want to know if that's what he's thinking but at the same time I don't want to feel (this isn't the right word) but trapped. He also wrote recently that he "see's me in his life for e very long time." I guess I'm just confused. Any thoughts? (and yes, we are intimate and it's incredible).
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Old 23rd February 2010, 2:09 AM   #2
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Hi BellaMoon! Welcome to LS...

Let me get this straight...you like being with him and you like that you are "exclusive" but you freak out when he says something that would somehow mean you are his gf? do you not want to be his GF? What are you really worried about? Clearly, I am a little confused about what you want. So what is it that you want from him and/or the relationship?

It might just be me...but it is not weird to be in a gf/bf relationship in your 20s...
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Old 23rd February 2010, 2:17 AM   #3
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Quote:
We haven't had the "exclusive" talk but we have told each other that we haven't dated anyone since meeting each other and that we have no intentions of doing so. We're also at a point where dating another person would be seen as cheating.
Bella- this should be an indication that you guys are totally on track!

You get to a certain age and the whole "will you be my gf" thing isn't cool anymore.
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Old 23rd February 2010, 9:04 AM   #4
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Yes, you should wait until the man brings up the bf/gf thing. But you need to have your response ready or you could screw the whole thing up. Just say "yes." Freezing up when he gets around to talking about this could derail everything. It seems you have some small fears and doubts but overall everything is going very well. I think the feeling of being "trapped" will pass fairly quickly. Do not tell him about these feelings. Give it a few weeks and see if you feel differently.
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Old 23rd February 2010, 10:13 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by D-Lish View Post
Bella- this should be an indication that you guys are totally on track!

You get to a certain age and the whole "will you be my gf" thing isn't cool anymore.
What about the old "Do you like me note".... check YES NO or MAYBE

Bella, I agree with D-Lish. Try not to overanalyze and just go with the flow. Titles are overrated.
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Old 23rd February 2010, 2:44 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by D-Lish View Post
Bella- this should be an indication that you guys are totally on track!

You get to a certain age and the whole "will you be my gf" thing isn't cool anymore.
Agreed!

My boyfriend and I never had that "talk." I did ask him early on if he was seeing anyone else, but after that, since we were spending so much time together, there was no "relationship" discussion. One day we just started calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend.
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Old 23rd February 2010, 3:01 PM   #7
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I'm a little concerned about your feelings of being trapped, when considering labels, although I do agree that the bf/gf thing is for younger people. Would you still feel trapped if the label was SO (significant other)?
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Old 23rd February 2010, 6:49 PM   #8
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Thank you everyone for your comments/feedback. I'm going to try my best to go with the flow. I guess I have this weird fear of needing someone and somehow a title makes me feel as if I'd have to include him on major decisions (which I already do anyway). I've only been focused on grad school and working the past couple years so it'd add another variable in the mix. He's worth it though. The "trapped" just meant I can't get up and move for a job offer or fellowship without having to list pros and cons of a move.
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