Where can I find dates?

[polksaladannie]

I am a 30something divorced mom to two schoolaged kids. I am attractive, funny, ambitious,etc. I have tried internet dating(all I get are losers hitting on me) without luck. Where can a single mother find a good guy or am I just dreaming?

[cognac]

Don't expect 6'2, 300,000 dollars a year , ripped abs man to want to date a mother of 2. Maybe you're definition of "loser" is still the pre-kids and divorce one, which is probably really broad.

[JoJola]

I am also a divorced singlem mother of two; I have been internet dating for about a year..and yes there are alot of losers out there however you have to keep going at it. I can tell you that the majority of men I have met have been "not for me" however I also have made two of the most wonderful male friends I have had in my life..so there are good ones out there it just takes some time to weed them out.

[polksaladannie]

Don't expect 6'2, 300,000 dollars a year , ripped abs man to want to date a mother of 2. Maybe you're definition of "loser" is still the pre-kids and divorce one, which is probably really broad.

 

Here are my expectations:

1) taller than me (I am 5'7"); height proportionate to weight but a few extra pounds is ok; attractive to me, not necessarily attractive to the world at large

2) educated or at least working toward a degree; articulate; ambitious and career minded

3) gainfully employed, preferably white collar; does not have to be a millionaire but should be able to afford to take me out for dinner

4) considerate and kind

 

Tell me, is that too much?

[greatgirlfriend]

Here are my expectations:

1) taller than me (I am 5'7"); height proportionate to weight but a few extra pounds is ok; attractive to me, not necessarily attractive to the world at large

2) educated or at least working toward a degree; articulate; ambitious and career minded

3) gainfully employed, preferably white collar; does not have to be a millionaire but should be able to afford to take me out for dinner

4) considerate and kind

 

Tell me, is that too much?

 

I am single without kids (former model), and even I can't find guys like that. I'm lucky to find guys who aren't obese, with any job. All the decent ones are married. The guy I want has many issues and I think this is common on most guys.

[ironcross]

Here are my expectations:

1) taller than me (I am 5'7"); height proportionate to weight but a few extra pounds is ok; attractive to me, not necessarily attractive to the world at large

2) educated or at least working toward a degree; articulate; ambitious and career minded

3) gainfully employed, preferably white collar; does not have to be a millionaire but should be able to afford to take me out for dinner

4) considerate and kind

Tell me, is that too much?

Hey. I am sorry you have not had much success in online dating; neither have I. If you don't mind, why don't u give me a try. Really, what dou have to lose? I exceed all the "expectations" you listed. I love the fact that u have kids. I love kids and have always wanted to take the responsibility of being a father. I am quite a bit younger than u, but pls trust me when I say I am vey mature for my age.

[polksaladannie]

I am single without kids (former model), and even I can't find guys like that. I'm lucky to find guys who aren't obese, with any job. All the decent ones are married. The guy I want has many issues and I think this is common on most guys.

 

I agree with you about the decent men being married.

[greatgirlfriend]

I agree with you about the decent men being married.

 

Sad but true. I had male friends that were taking their time to get married, but even all of them are married. And I've had the same problem with online dating. I'm not super picky but I just couldn't date a 400 pound guy without a job and several kids (yep had guys like that contact me). The few seemingly decent guys I met online (decent job, looks, etc) either were mentally ill, or married and looking for a mistress. I'm pretty sure the guys that are decent are looking for the hot 25 year old blonde.

[polksaladannie]

Sad but true. I had male friends that were taking their time to get married, but even all of them are married. And I've had the same problem with online dating. I'm not super picky but I just couldn't date a 400 pound guy without a job and several kids (yep had guys like that contact me). The few seemingly decent guys I met online (decent job, looks, etc) either were mentally ill, or married and looking for a mistress. I'm pretty sure the guys that are decent are looking for the hot 25 year old blonde.

 

LOL...I so hear you!

[ironcross]

Sad but true. I had male friends that were taking their time to get married, but even all of them are married. And I've had the same problem with online dating. I'm not super picky but I just couldn't date a 400 pound guy without a job and several kids (yep had guys like that contact me). The few seemingly decent guys I met online (decent job, looks, etc) either were mentally ill, or married and looking for a mistress. I'm pretty sure the guys that are decent are looking for the hot 25 year old blonde.

 

You can't judge everyone based on your unpleasant experence.

[polksaladannie]

You can't judge everyone based on your unpleasant experence.

 

I know that this was not directed at me but I understand her frustration. I got to the point where I wrote this on my profile:

Edited To Add: In the interest of saving us all a little time and frustration, I wanted to say this: I am looking for an educated/ white collar guy. That is, someone who values education and who has gone at least beyond a high school diploma. I am furthering my education and have career aspirations despite the challenges of being a single mother. I expect that sort of ambition in anyone I date:)

 

And I still have losers contacting me. They usually get a pretty nasty reply for the fact that they simply cannot read.

[randall]

I am a 30something divorced mom to two schoolaged kids. I am attractive, funny, ambitious,etc. I have tried internet dating(all I get are losers hitting on me) without luck. Where can a single mother find a good guy or am I just dreaming?

Well the guys who use online dating often say they only get interest from loser women who are divorced with kids. You fit this bill yet you probably don't regard yourself as a loser...so perhaps the guys you dismiss as losers aren't such losers either.

 

I'd think that when you yourself aren't the pick of the litter you'd be more forgiving of other people's short-comings as well.

[polksaladannie]

Well the guys who use online dating often say they only get interest from loser women who are divorced with kids. You fit this bill yet you probably don't regard yourself as a loser...so perhaps the guys you dismiss as losers aren't such losers either.

 

I'd think that when you yourself aren't the pick of the litter you'd be more forgiving of other people's short-comings as well.

 

I'm confused....what makes me not the "pick of the litter"? The fact that I am attractive, intelligent, hardworking and passionate?

[polksaladannie]

Well the guys who use online dating often say they only get interest from loser women who are divorced with kids. You fit this bill yet you probably don't regard yourself as a loser...so perhaps the guys you dismiss as losers aren't such losers either.

 

I'd think that when you yourself aren't the pick of the litter you'd be more forgiving of other people's short-comings as well.

 

So wait...are all divorced mothers losers?

[ironcross]

I know that this was not directed at me but I understand her frustration. I got to the point where I wrote this on my profile:

Edited To Add: In the interest of saving us all a little time and frustration, I wanted to say this: I am looking for an educated/ white collar guy. That is, someone who values education and who has gone at least beyond a high school diploma. I am furthering my education and have career aspirations despite the challenges of being a single mother. I expect that sort of ambition in anyone I date:)

 

And I still have losers contacting me. They usually get a pretty nasty reply for the fact that they simply cannot read.

 

Agreed, but the majority does not represent everyone. I have rarely identified meself with the masses, which is why I think we could give each other a chance at dating. Did u read my previous reply to your post?

[polksaladannie]

Agreed, but the majority does not represent everyone. I have rarely identified meself with the masses, which is why I think we could give each other a chance at dating. Did u read my previous reply to your post?

I did. No thanks

[Art_Critic]

and who has gone at least beyond a high school diploma. I am furthering my education and have career aspirations despite the challenges of being a single mother. I expect that sort of ambition in anyone I date:)

 

Have you thought about having some of your SINGLE friends look at your profile to see if it is written in a way to ward off the good guys ?

 

When I was single I would never reply to a woman who has the " do not's" or " can't have's" in her profile.. as soon as I would read that I would be on to some other girls profile..

 

Also.. nothing wrong with education as a sticking point but are you that sure about it that you want to ward off guys that might be a good fit for you but haven't gone past high school ?

 

I only have a high school education but have owned my own company for 30 years..

All of my education has come from the real world and not books.., not that I'm all that worldly but I can hold my own in the intelligence department.

 

I think a review of your online profile is something you should look into.. not that the 400lb guys won't still hit on you but at least the men you do want will too..

you also need to set your search preferences right too.. look at them and see if they are pushing people off...

 

As far as othe rplaces to find guys.. have yoy thought of the things your kids are into.. soccer... etc etc

[skydiveaddict]

I am a 30something divorced mom to two schoolaged kids. I am attractive, funny, ambitious,etc. I have tried internet dating(all I get are losers hitting on me) without luck. Where can a single mother find a good guy or am I just dreaming?

 

 

You want to meet a ton of fun guys who will be tripping over themselves trying to flirt with you? Go skydiving!

[polksaladannie]

Have you thought about having some of your SINGLE friends look at your profile to see if it is written in a way to ward off the good guys ?

 

When I was single I would never reply to a woman who has the " do not's" or " can't have's" in her profile.. as soon as I would read that I would be on to some other girls profile..

 

Also.. nothing wrong with education as a sticking point but are you that sure about it that you want to ward off guys that might be a good fit for you but haven't gone past high school ?

 

I only have a high school education but have owned my own company for 30 years..

All of my education has come from the real world and not books.., not that I'm all that worldly but I can hold my own in the intelligence department.

 

I think a review of your online profile is something you should look into.. not that the 400lb guys won't still hit on you but at least the men you do want will too..

you also need to set your search preferences right too.. look at them and see if they are pushing people off...

 

As far as othe rplaces to find guys.. have yoy thought of the things your kids are into.. soccer... etc etc

 

Thanks for your input. All of my friends are happily married and so getting advice from them as to how to attract guys is tough. They are all wrapped up in their husbands and kids which I totally understand.

 

I can also see how having a "qualifier" of sorts as being pretentious, but I was so sick of people approaching me who were soooo not what I wanted. I understand that some folks w/o a degree might still be ambitious(like you, owning a company for 30 years) but I find this to be the exception more than the rule.

 

My kids are active but I live in an area where 99% of parents are married.

[greatgirlfriend]

I have posted on my profiles that previously married or guys with kids need not apply and that's still what I mostly get. I don't think they are all losers (some are just like some single guys are losers) but I don't want to be a stepmother, nor do I want a divorced guy for religion issues. My family would never approve of a divorced guy. I could never date a guy never married but had kids because to me he's immoral and that's something I couldn't get passed.

 

I used to be picky about dating professional guys with good jobs. I've found in general blue collar guys are a better pick because they usually aren't as much of workaholics as white collar. I used to be picky about the looks and bypassed average looking guys. Not anymore.

 

I'm not picky yet I still don't get great guys contacting me on online sites. I've talked to many women and they all said the same thing.

[polksaladannie]

My profile(for any reviewers out there)

 

I am a happy single mother who is looking to meet new friends and, if all works out, maybe a special someone. I find that many of these ads(Let's confess it...we're all basically writing commercials for ourselves here, right?) go on and on about what we expect from a potential partner. Instead, I would first like to share what I can offer to you.

 

My friends tell me that I am attractive, kind, intelligent and compassionate.I like reading, visiting museums, cooking, travel and attending concerts/sporting events. I'm the type of person who is always up for something new and exciting. I am definitely looking to get a bit more active...maybe you can motivate me! I feel that I can offer someone affection, support, encouragement and depth.

 

I am in what I consider a good place.I am changing my career path-going from the world of cubicles to the world of nursing.I just became a Licensed Nursing Assistant and will be starting nursing school in the fall.

 

I am divorced but not bitter.My children already have an involved father and my reasons for being here do not include trying to find a father figure for them. However, I am grateful for the lessons that I learned about life and relationships while I was married and hope to carry these learning experiences with me for a long time to come.

 

When asked about my ideal match....I am looking for someone who is ambitious, kind, hardworking and generous. Oh, and a guy who can spell would rock. I really want someone who can challenge me (in a positive way) to become a better person. Looks are important, sure, but what I truly desire is someone who will treat me well. I am a girl through and through and appreciate men who open doors and hold out chairs for me. I love being a woman and don't apologize for it:) However, between the biweekly manicures, I can get down and dirty on a road trip, at a concert or while camping:)

[randall]

I'm confused....what makes me not the "pick of the litter"? The fact that I am attractive, intelligent, hardworking and passionate?

You only see yourself with positive qualities, you ignore the downsides such as mid-30s and divorced with two kids. There are lots of attractive, intelligent, hardworking women who don't come with two kids and a divorce. That's why you aren't the 'pick of the litter' for many men.

 

I shouldn't have had to explain that, it was self obvious.

 

So wait...are all divorced mothers losers?

Nope, I never said that. I said men who use online dating often say they only get approached by losers, and they list divorced women with kids in that category.

[Lakeside_runner]

Um, maybe that's the problem... When reading the thread I had the impression that everybody tries to classify people as either great or losers. Did it occur to anyone that these classified as losers maybe deserve some thing too? These are people too, you know - they are maybe not people whom you'd date... They may be just socially inept...

[greatgirlfriend]

My profile(for any reviewers out there)

 

I am a happy single mother who is looking to meet new friends and, if all works out, maybe a special someone. I find that many of these ads(Let's confess it...we're all basically writing commercials for ourselves here, right?) go on and on about what we expect from a potential partner. Instead, I would first like to share what I can offer to you.

 

My friends tell me that I am attractive, kind, intelligent and compassionate.I like reading, visiting museums, cooking, travel and attending concerts/sporting events. I'm the type of person who is always up for something new and exciting. I am definitely looking to get a bit more active...maybe you can motivate me! I feel that I can offer someone affection, support, encouragement and depth.

 

I am in what I consider a good place.I am changing my career path-going from the world of cubicles to the world of nursing.I just became a Licensed Nursing Assistant and will be starting nursing school in the fall.

 

I am divorced but not bitter.My children already have an involved father and my reasons for being here do not include trying to find a father figure for them. However, I am grateful for the lessons that I learned about life and relationships while I was married and hope to carry these learning experiences with me for a long time to come.

 

When asked about my ideal match....I am looking for someone who is ambitious, kind, hardworking and generous. Oh, and a guy who can spell would rock. I really want someone who can challenge me (in a positive way) to become a better person. Looks are important, sure, but what I truly desire is someone who will treat me well. I am a girl through and through and appreciate men who open doors and hold out chairs for me. I love being a woman and don't apologize for it:) However, between the biweekly manicures, I can get down and dirty on a road trip, at a concertor while camping:)

 

Most sounds good, but I wonder if the generous part is turning off guys. Many guys I know tell me most women they talk to online are gold diggers. Guys get scared you are only after their money (though youmay not be).

[polksaladannie]

You only see yourself with positive qualities, you ignore the downsides such as mid-30s and divorced with two kids. There are lots of attractive, intelligent, hardworking women who don't come with two kids and a divorce. That's why you aren't the 'pick of the litter' for many men.

 

I shouldn't have had to explain that, it was self obvious.

 

 

Nope, I never said that. I said men who use online dating often say they only get approached by losers, and they list divorced women with kids in that category.

 

Well my age is my age. I can't change that. And being a parent/divorced at that age is almost expected...most people have kids/have been married by that age.