Jump to content

Did I wait too long to call?

mortensorchid

By mortensorchid,
in Dating

 Share Followers 3

Recommended Posts

mortensorchid

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

Last Friday night I had an AWESOME date with this guy. It was our second get together. He made a few comments towards me that were sexual in nature, indicating that he was interested in just that. We ended the night with a kiss, and he asked if he could see me on Saturday. I told him that I had plans. He asked me to call him soon. As it's football season, I thought that he would be watching football on Sunday so I didn't call. Neither did I call on Monday, as Monday is kind of a Monday time. So it's now Tuesday. I called him tonight at about 8ish and left a voice mail. Did I wait too long? I'm just having a little anxiety about this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The Crown

The Crown

Posted
Posted

Voice mails can be bad. They leave you out in the open and can be used against you but in this case you are a girl so it may be alright. If it was the other way around it may have been much worse. Depends on what was said.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mortensorchid

mortensorchid

Posted
  • Author
Posted

He asked me to call him, which I decided to do. I didn't want to seem too anxious. I was with him on Friday, he asked to see me on Saturday but I said no as I had plans. Then I didn't call on Sunday because I figured he'd be watching football (as he says he does), and I didn't call on Monday because, well, it's Monday and Monday nights are just busy for me.

 

But this is a little odd here - there seem to be some contradictions. I have asked the forum before to give me advice - should I call him or wait for him to call me? Now people are saying he should be calling me, and in the past some have said if you want equality in the situation to call him. I wonder now. But on the whole he has called me most of the time before. Only met him a few weeks ago. So I decided that I would call him based on his request to call him last I saw him last Friday.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Art_Critic

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted
I don't think you waited too long. IMO it shouldn't matter who calls whom after a date. Both people should be willing to initate contact.

 

Art endorses this post from Brock :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
JazzFan

JazzFan

Posted
Posted

I am particularly confused as to why he should be calling her. I understand the social norm of the guy offering to pay for dinner and everything, that's fine, but I personally don't see any reason to keep the tradition of forcing the guy to do all the follow-up call. Maybe it's just because I hate talking on the phone? : /

Link to post
Share on other sites
Phateless

Phateless

Posted
Posted
Last Friday night I had an AWESOME date with this guy. It was our second get together. He made a few comments towards me that were sexual in nature, indicating that he was interested in just that. We ended the night with a kiss, and he asked if he could see me on Saturday. I told him that I had plans. He asked me to call him soon. As it's football season, I thought that he would be watching football on Sunday so I didn't call. Neither did I call on Monday, as Monday is kind of a Monday time. So it's now Tuesday. I called him tonight at about 8ish and left a voice mail. Did I wait too long? I'm just having a little anxiety about this.

 

Chill. If he's interested, he'll call. 3 days is really no big deal.

 

Why do you have so much anxiety after only 2 dates? Isn't that a little early to be getting all clingy??

Link to post
Share on other sites
tkgirl

tkgirl

Posted
Posted
Last Friday night I had an AWESOME date with this guy. It was our second get together. He made a few comments towards me that were sexual in nature, indicating that he was interested in just that. We ended the night with a kiss, and he asked if he could see me on Saturday. I told him that I had plans. He asked me to call him soon. As it's football season, I thought that he would be watching football on Sunday so I didn't call. Neither did I call on Monday, as Monday is kind of a Monday time. So it's now Tuesday. I called him tonight at about 8ish and left a voice mail. Did I wait too long? I'm just having a little anxiety about this.

 

ok so IMHO, this sounds like he just wants to hook-up and is not interested in pursuing anything more. He told you to call him so that way if you do then he'll know you're cool with just a casual thing too.

I hope I'm wrong but that's what it seems like to me...

Link to post
Share on other sites
Barky

Barky

Posted
Posted
I am particularly confused as to why he should be calling her. .... I personally don't see any reason to keep the tradition of forcing the guy to do all the follow-up call.

 

I agree. There is no reason these days for women to sit there like a lump and wait for life to happen to them. And I'm not big on the man paying all the time either. Whoever asks, should pay. And the first time the man can ask, then if the woman is interested, she can ask the next time, etc. It's back and forth just like relationships should be, not one-sided.

 

When women expect me to do all the work, I simply move on. I'm not interested in a one-sided relationship where I do the work. It's 50/50 or it's nothing, for me at least.

Link to post
Share on other sites
chica_one2002

chica_one2002

Posted
Posted

I am leaning towards believing this guy is a little passive. I realize you didn't call him for a few days but what was preventing him from calling you? There's no way you could feel bad for not calling him if he didn't bother to pick up the phone himself. His hands are perfectly capable of picking up the phone and dialing your number to see what's happening with you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
tkgirl

tkgirl

Posted
Posted
I agree. There is no reason these days for women to sit there like a lump and wait for life to happen to them. And I'm not big on the man paying all the time either. Whoever asks, should pay. And the first time the man can ask, then if the woman is interested, she can ask the next time, etc. It's back and forth just like relationships should be, not one-sided.

 

When women expect me to do all the work, I simply move on. I'm not interested in a one-sided relationship where I do the work. It's 50/50 or it's nothing, for me at least.

 

interesting... I'm all for the 50/50 thing too once a relationship has been established but in my experience, it's worked much better when I let the guy pursue me in beginning. I can find out what his real intentions are and all that. Also, the times that I did show more intersest too soon backfired on me.. meaning the guy would freak and be like "whoa!" But then if I backed off they would suddenly want to see me again...

like I said.. interesting! :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Barky

Barky

Posted
Posted
in my experience, it's worked much better when I let the guy pursue me in beginning.

 

I understand, but in MY experience it's worked out for ME much better when I wasn't the one putting in all the work.

 

You see, nobody wants the other person to be in control of the relationship. Women don't, I certainly don't. So it only takes a couple of dates for me to realize that the girl is holding back and expecting me to do all the pursuing; and those relationships I ditch quickly because they put me in a bad position, where she holds all the cards and I'm jumping through the hoops. And no matter how hot she is, that position makes me feel nervous, so I avoid it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
mortensorchid

mortensorchid

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Ok, it's the 1st day since my calling him. Day's almost over. I left a voice mail last night saying I was keeping away for a bit as I figured he'd be watching football and things, hoped to hear from him soon. So ... I'm just going to sleep on it with my afternoon nap.

 

Whatever will be will be, I'll be sure to update the world as to what's happening since.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Johnny M

Johnny M

Posted
Posted
interesting... I'm all for the 50/50 thing too once a relationship has been established but in my experience, it's worked much better when I let the guy pursue me in beginning. I can find out what his real intentions are and all that. Also, the times that I did show more intersest too soon backfired on me.. meaning the guy would freak and be like "whoa!" But then if I backed off they would suddenly want to see me again...

like I said.. interesting! :laugh:

Well, I am a guy and I also like it better when I'm the one being pursued (who doesn't?) It's always easier to sit back and let the other person do all the work and try to get you to like her :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
Left in a Lurch

Left in a Lurch

Posted
Posted
Well, I am a guy and I also like it better when I'm the one being pursued (who doesn't?) It's always easier to sit back and let the other person do all the work and try to get you to like her :D

 

I believe in the fact that I can call her and she can call me when she wants. When both people are interested, it doesn't seem like jumping through hoops and I noticed women will make the effort to call if I don't.

 

If I am doing all the persuing it gets to a point where I make all the calls and I start to feel she is not interested and could take me or leave me, I feel like an annoyance. If she calls out of the blue, even once, it at least tells me she has interest and she thinks about me.

 

If there is mutual interest this becomes a non-issue. In this case if the OP called me and left a message, I would have returned it that night or the next day, it's just being adult. Anything else is pretty much game playing or a lack of interest.

 

I figure if either party is not comfortable enough to call the other after a date, it's not a good indicator.

Link to post
Share on other sites
make me believe

make me believe

Posted
Posted

The red flag in this scenario is that he was making sexual comments to you on your first date. Yuck! That plus the fact that he wants YOU to call HIM says that he's only interested in getting in your pants. If he was truly interested in YOU, as opposed to hooking up with you, he would not have made sexual comments (soo tacky), and he would be calling you first, not telling you to give him a call sometime..

Link to post
Share on other sites
tkgirl

tkgirl

Posted
Posted
I understand, but in MY experience it's worked out for ME much better when I wasn't the one putting in all the work.

 

You see, nobody wants the other person to be in control of the relationship. Women don't, I certainly don't. So it only takes a couple of dates for me to realize that the girl is holding back and expecting me to do all the pursuing; and those relationships I ditch quickly because they put me in a bad position, where she holds all the cards and I'm jumping through the hoops. And no matter how hot she is, that position makes me feel nervous, so I avoid it.

 

Well, I am a guy and I also like it better when I'm the one being pursued (who doesn't?) It's always easier to sit back and let the other person do all the work and try to get you to like her :D

 

I don't expect a guy to chase me at all... but as a woman who's a little older (and hopefully wiser!) I find it works best to let the guy put in a little work at the beginning.... helps me to weed out the guys that only want to get in my pants vs. the ones that want to get to know me and get in my pants! :laugh:... because let's face it, it's what all guys want eventually!

So.... I don't play hard to get, just not so easy to get.. does that make sense?

at the same time, if I am interested in a guy, I will make an effort to let him know. I hate games....

 

 

The red flag in this scenario is that he was making sexual comments to you on your first date. Yuck! That plus the fact that he wants YOU to call HIM says that he's only interested in getting in your pants. If he was truly interested in YOU, as opposed to hooking up with you, he would not have made sexual comments (soo tacky), and he would be calling you first, not telling you to give him a call sometime..

 

 

that's what I was saying in my first post about this... he seems interested in only hooking up and that's why he asked her to call him to see where's she's at with it. I think it's no loss that he hasn't called back... but like I said in my first post, I hope I'm wrong and if I were her I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt... once!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Johnny M

Johnny M

Posted
Posted
I don't expect a guy to chase me at all... but as a woman who's a little older (and hopefully wiser!) I find it works best to let the guy put in a little work at the beginning.... helps me to weed out the guys that only want to get in my pants vs. the ones that want to get to know me and get in my pants! :laugh:... because let's face it, it's what all guys want eventually!

And as a man, I'm telling you that it works best to let the girl put in a little work in the beginning....helps me weed out the gold diggers, psychos, flakes, etc. Does that makes sense?

Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 3
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...