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Trying to give her space.


Vyce

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I met this girl 2 and a half months ago. We went on a date a week after we met, and for both of us it was the most romantic time either of us had ever had. Two days later she called me and we had a long conversation about how she isn't completely sure she wants to be in a relationship because she had just gotten out of a relationship 3 weeks prior, and since she was just about to start college (she is 18, I'm 22) she wanted to keep her options open and be able to make friends and meet people without being completely tied down. She said there might still be a chance for me in the future, but she wasn't sure.

 

So, regrettably I told her I would do as she wished and try my best to keep it on a friends basis. over the course of the next month and a half, we got closer and closer, talked on the phone for 2-4 hours almost every night. after a few weeks she actually slept over at my place (just slept over, nothing sexual) and stayed for a couple days at a time. although we didn't always have too much to do, we always had a great time and enjoyed each other's company. however 3 weeks ago, right before the semester started for college, she had to pretty much say goodbye to most of her friends from highschool (she was graduating early) so she suddenly became rather distant: didn't want to talk on the phone at all, rarely was online. I pretty much understood that she was spending a lot of time with friends and was coping with the loss of them all (she was moving a long distance away from them and has no car to get back). So I pretty much gave her the space I assumed she needed.

 

The next week, college started and I figured things would pretty much go back at least somewhat to what they were. They did not. I thought i would be able to hang out with her at school, but she pretty much asked that I not hang around her so much at school. So I started trying to give her the space she asked for, and she thanked me. however, it is now getting into the third week and she still is doing the same stuff. won't come online much, never wants to talk online. doesn't want to ever do things outside of class. often distant when at school, the few times i can actually see her there. the few times we can see each other (just us), it's almost like when we would hang out before, could share pretty much anything and very meaningful hugs.

 

I am hoping that she will get more comfortable with school and be more open to doing things with me soon. I know i sound rather needy and clingy, but i have cut it back to about 15% of what it was. I just want to know if there is still a chance for me to be with her. She is so unique and intelligent and just plain amazing.

 

I am getting back into my old way of doing things again and my emotions are kinda choking off again, and i'm afraid if this happens completely, will i still be able to be attracted to her in the future...

 

I know this is a long post, and i just recently started here (I apologize). This stuff has been on my mind nonstop for the past 3 weeks...

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LucreziaBorgia
won't come online much, never wants to talk online. doesn't want to ever do things outside of class. often distant when at school

 

I don't mean to be blunt, but this means that she does not like you and does not want to date you now or in the future. If she wanted to keep her option open with you, she would not be cutting you off like this.

 

What to do? Turn the 'space' into an 'abrupt cutoff' and stop talking to her, contacting her or trying to make conversation with her. She might make feeble attempts to talk to you in order to make sure you don't think she is a bitch, but it won't go further than that.

 

Time to move on.

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This girl's just trying to let you down easily. And so what if you lose an emotional attraction to her? If anything it will make it easier for you to deal with the pain of her not being with you anymore. Both of you are young, and there is no need to get caught up on one person at this age. If this girl was truly interested in being with you, she would have stayed with you.

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