GAchasen Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) Tell me...Have any of you lovely people been able to just have a platonic relationship with guy/girl.... What has worked for you and what hasn't....? In my experience...it cannot happen. Men will tell me, "I just want to be friends and then they cross the line very quickly"....Are people simply not thinking about what they are communicating to someone??? Let's hear it....be honest;) Edited January 17, 2010 by GAchasen Link to post Share on other sites
Satisfaction Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I think they can be but both people need vo really understand their sex drive. If you get in the situation where one person is feeling horny and the other one is feeling lonely then you could very well end up doing something. Also people who like taking their time to get to know someone will often try to start off as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
DiscoChick Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 My oldest male friend is a year older than I. We have been friends as far back as I can remember. Our friendship sorta disappeared in high school. He was popular; I wasn't. We've both finished college, and our friendship has been renewed. Our mothers are best friends, and they want us to be together, but it's not going to happen. We both value our friendship too much. I have another male friend that I met in elementary school. I love him to death. He calls himself our cousin. We're that close. I have many male friends, and none of them act weird. Well, there was Paul and John. But Paul killed himself. I'm still pissed about that. And John gets a new girlfriend every month. See? Disturbed men are attracted to me, and the other guys are too close to "normal" to even try. Friendships just happen. And friendship should be the basis of relationships...or so I believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Tell me...Have any of you lovely people been able to just have a platonic relationship with guy/girl.... What has worked for you and what hasn't....? In my experience...it cannot happen. Men will tell me, "I just want to be friends and then they cross the line very quickly"....Are people simply not thinking about what they are communicating to someone??? Let's hear it....be honest;) Yes it is possible.. but it is rare... I can think of one guy (first lover after my first separation) that became a BMF... it's completely platonic now... he's got a gf... when we get together... we even sleep in the same bed... nothing happens... he knows.. it can't be like it used to be.. and he respects that... he's amazing.. this is the kind of guy who had very few gf in his life.. he prefers to live alone.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GAchasen Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 Cool...thanks for the comments....What about any men? And also, what if you are single and they are single. I think that may be a different aspect of the whole thing. I can understand keeping it platonic while you are in a relationship, however, what if you and the other person are both single?? Do you think it is more likely that lines get blurred??? Someone told me to rent The Ugly Truth!!! LOL...Guys what do you think..... Sorry to hear about your friend, Paul. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GAchasen Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 Disco- I also believe friendships are foundations for romantic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 men and women cannot be true friends outside of a romantic relationship Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Have any of you lovely people been able to just have a platonic relationship with guy Absolutely. Why not? I am friends with my ex-H-have had a platonic relationship with him for what seemed like forever....and we were married! Seriously, I truly believe it is possible, you just need to know the parameters of the relationship and know your purpose. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Tell me...Have any of you lovely people been able to just have a platonic relationship with guy/girl.... What has worked for you and what hasn't....? In my experience...it cannot happen. It seems to work just fine for some people. That said, I personally believe that I am not suited for being friends with women. If I get along well with the woman and find her attractive, I'd like her to be my gf instead of a platonic friend. Link to post Share on other sites
DiscoChick Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Cool...thanks for the comments....What about any men? And also, what if you are single and they are single. I think that may be a different aspect of the whole thing. I can understand keeping it platonic while you are in a relationship, however, what if you and the other person are both single?? Do you think it is more likely that lines get blurred??? Someone told me to rent The Ugly Truth!!! LOL...Guys what do you think..... Sorry to hear about your friend, Paul. Hey, thanks. Well, he failed the first time he tried, but he said it made him even more depressed; it reassured him that he was a failure. Well, at least he isn't suffering anymore. I am single and so are all of my male friends, except one (John, obviously). I don't understand why they are single. They are great guys and very intelligent. They all have weird pet peeves and a few weird habits, but they are great guys. I've tried introducing them to my female friends, but they are...not nice women. One is a gold digger with looooow self esteem, one has too much self esteem, and the other just likes sex. My male friends (except John and Markus) do not jump into the bed with just anyone. Several of them are still virgins (yes, they are over 21). But they are very patient and we enjoy ourselves while we wait for those special people. We are comfortable around each other. I think they sometimes forget I am female! Five of us went out; I wore a shirt with a low cut, and one of them pulled me aside and asked since when did I dress like a woman when it wasn't required. I love these guys. Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 The answer is almost always no, unless you are married to someone else and both of you have no sexual desires for the other. Being friends with an ex does not count, that is not a real friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Tell me...Have any of you lovely people been able to just have a platonic relationship with guy/girl.... What has worked for you and what hasn't....? In my experience...it cannot happen. Men will tell me, "I just want to be friends and then they cross the line very quickly"....Are people simply not thinking about what they are communicating to someone??? Let's hear it....be honest;)Yes, I do have purely platonic close relationships with men. What's worked for me is similarity in interests or long-standing friendships, whereby the men are previously committed. It's true that once in awhile, they crush on you but if you assert your boundaries, most back off and get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Most of my friendships tend to be with men where there is a physical/mental barrier to chemistry on my part. However, I do think it's quite possible for some friends to be attracted to each other, but at a mild, generic level that doesn't translate to a need to pursue something sexually or romantically. Sometimes the attraction level does change in a long term friendship, for one or both parties. Link to post Share on other sites
Choboto Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 im a guy and my best friend is a girl. Never had any attraction, never done anything, always just been....friends. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 men and women cannot be true friends outside of a romantic relationship That is such BS. I have two girlfriends and TWENTY guy-friends. And they are not all gay. My business partner and I have been friends for over thirty years and we have open and frank discussions about our sexual and relationship problems as though we are a brother and sister. He has certainly let me know that he is attracted to me but that acting upon those romantic inclinations would ruin our relationship. My first boyfriend (I was 13 and he was 15) and I are now very close friends and I have visited him and his wife and child. I can go on and on with male friends I have had for decades. It is a matter of being open, honest, and have the ability to have frank discussions -- even if they happen to involve sexual chemistry. Link to post Share on other sites
and.then.some Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) If a guy has to say "can we at least be friends", I would doubt that he meant it sincerely, based on past experiences. Most of my friends are male and I share a common and unique interest and/or bond with each of them. I think there are some men who get along better with women, and some women who get along better with men. Beyond even that, I think there is always something else in the relationship that makes it what it is. Either that person was there for you in a very supportive and encouraging way during a rough time, or he/she is the only person you can really talk to about your geraniums. Whatever it may be, there is usually something shared between the two. Also, I think how the other person views the opposite sex and relationships has much to do with it too. Some guys can't seem to just be friends with a girl if they're not getting something out of the deal. So, it really depends on the people, what brought them together, and what they have in common keeping them that way. Edited January 17, 2010 by and.then.some Link to post Share on other sites
Balthazar Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I have female friends but it is usually the girlfriends or wives of my male friends. I may see these females in a "friendly" way because I respect their status and view them as being "off limits". Concerning women I meet in my everyday social interaction, they fall into 2 categories. 1) Women I am sort of friendly with but I really want to shag and 2) Women I am friendly with but ,sort of, want to shag. I usually cannot be friends with a women if I don't find something attractive about her. Cheers, Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Sure they can as long as theyre not too charming Link to post Share on other sites
Author GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Author Share Posted January 18, 2010 I understand being friends with someone who has their own relationship with children....What about just single women and a single men...Let's say they just met, too. Old friends and people with other relationships are out.... Just two single people.... I don't think it works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Author Share Posted January 18, 2010 I have female friends but it is usually the girlfriends or wives of my male friends. I may see these females in a "friendly" way because I respect their status and view them as being "off limits". Concerning women I meet in my everyday social interaction, they fall into 2 categories. 1) Women I am sort of friendly with but I really want to shag and 2) Women I am friendly with but ,sort of, want to shag. I usually cannot be friends with a women if I don't find something attractive about her. Cheers, LOL!!!!~~~ Now we are getting somewhere....Exactly.....I agree with you:) It never fails....lol. Men are like "we can be friends" and I usually tell them no we can't. Because I know it just doesn't work. Even my ex boyfriend, when I was 19, I broke up with him and we tried to stay friends but he wanted more. I wasn't ready, so, he eventually cut me out of his life. He did the right thing, since he knew he didn't have a chance with me. I would have liked for us to continue as friends, but he couldn't take it, I guess. It happens that way, sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Of course they can. One of my best friends has been my friend for 12 years now and she is female. Of course it has been successful because we have never been interested in each other romantically. That is the only way to make a true friendship of the opposite sex work. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Well, I think most women can easily be friends with men. I think it's men that can not be friends with women. Women are able to appreciate men for their friendship. Men are not able to do the same unless he thinks he is getting something sexual out of it. For the most part. Which is kind of sad. Yes it is possible.. but it is rare... I can think of one guy (first lover after my first separation) that became a BMF... it's completely platonic now... he's got a gf... when we get together... we even sleep in the same bed... nothing happens... he knows.. it can't be like it used to be.. and he respects that... he's amazing.. this is the kind of guy who had very few gf in his life.. he prefers to live alone.. Does his gf know you two sleep in the same bed? And I have to ask, what is the point in you two sleeping in the the same bed if you don't get anything from it? Maybe you aren't be sexual but you are both clearly getting something out of that arrangment that is probably better left to his gf. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 I've had 3 close men friends. One I met when we were both single and working together about 15 years ago, and we seemed to be on the same page from the beginning. Never talked about it; just treated each other as any other friend would, and have hung out a lot since then -- whether we've each been in relationships or not. Another man I was friends with for awhile and we did date for a few months, and then went back to being friends. We are very close and often talk about dating issues. He gives me great advice. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 My best friend is my W. But, my next closest friend is also a female. Actually she's more like a younger sister. My W and I actually refer to her as my "girlfriend". I'm very open with my W about our friendship so there's no trust issues. It does make for some interesting and strange looks when we are with other couples or people, and my W says in a loud voice, "oh that's (J's) girlfriend". Kind of like an inside joke between us. Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Of course men and women can be friends. It takes so many things to be compatible enough for a relationship. It takes far less to be friends. I get along great with my female friends, but we generally are not quite compatible enough to be in a relationship. This could mean so many things including our interests or beliefs are too different or there's not enough physical attraction both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
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