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Perfect woman is beginning to be not so perfect. i need


wtfshock

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I met this wonderful gal 5 months ago on the net. She contacted me on a dating site as i was ending it with another girl. We started dating hot and heavy and everything was going great. She has an A+ personality (most of the time), everyone who has ever met her loves her, she is very pretty and of the body type i enjoy, she gives me more sex than i know what to do with :bunny: and its very good.

 

We are now having issues and i cant help but to find myself thinking about ending it with her. Little red flags are starting to pop up all over the place now instead of just 1 flag here and there. It is complicated by the fact that my son absolutely loves her and her son loves me. Not to mention the fact that everyone i have introduced her to loves her and they all think i landed someone special.

 

Most of the time this girl is exactly what i want but more and more i feel myself being repulsed by her. We are at the point now where we have been talking about getting a place together. This came up about a month ago when i was diagnosed with cancer. My mother was impressed that she didn't bolt at this news lol.

 

At first everything was great between us. She is pretty much exactly what i want in a woman (for the most part). She is very smart, pretty, nice body and highly sexually charged. But im afraid that her negatives are starting to outweigh her positives. I informed her in the begining that i dont tolerate uncalled for drama, that i am not ready for marriage for a long while and that my son comes first.

 

As our relationship progresses she has been giving me reasons to rethink our relationship. With each little incident i can feel myself pulling farther away.

 

-picks arguments increasingly over petty things (drama)

-stopped brushing her teeth (put a big dent in our relationship)

-very eccentric. (cant touch her face, tickle her ect.)

-she smothers me (i have asked for some space to chase my hobbies and she agreed, that lasted a week and she keeps inviting herself over or using her son to get me to say yes...come on over)

 

I was just about to end it with her when i was diagnosed with cancer and she never left my side in the hospital. Hell she even brought me a steak dinner. At that point she turned down a job to take care of me. I felt in her debt for this and i agreed to move in with her. Since then things have only gotten worse and im feeling like i need to end this.

 

Today she calls me up and is pissed off about not being able to find a house after 2 days of looking. I told her before she started looking that i made a promise to my son that i would get him back to 1 of 2 schools he really loved (forced to move after divorce and hates his new school) and she didnt have a problem with it. I told her i will not live in town (because of the crime) and that i would only consider the 2 school dist my son wants to go back to. When she calls me today she is flipping out that she cant find anywhere other than in town and gets mad at me for not making compromises, yet she is unwilling to pull her son out of school because of an agreement between her and her ex. (her son goes to school in town) I feel like i cant compromise because i did make a promise to my 10 year old son to get him back to the school he loves before i met her.

 

I just dunno what to do with her. I am mad at her a couple times a week it seems now over crap she starts. More and more i find myself wanting to call it quits but i know its gonna hurt my son and myself. I have tried sitting her down and explaining things to her but she gets defensive and somehow turns everything back on me.

 

I guess my questions are... should i end it? if not how do i go about making her understand i cant deal with childish drama? how do i get her to straighten up?

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how do i get her to straighten up?

 

Aint' gonna happen--no way. You can't get anyone to change their personality. Hell, I can't even change my own--it would be easier to change my nose.

 

The one thing I had to wonder though is whether you're just extremely stressed out over your cancer dx? Maybe you shouldn't make any big moves right now--I can't imagine that I'd be thinking straight at such a time.

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Should you end it with her? Only you can make that decision and it seems you're leaning that way. The fact that you're indebted shouldn't cause you to rescind on your decision, so if all the reasons for breaking up before the cancer incident are still there and you feel the same way about them, then you should.

 

But rather than focusing on changing her, I would suggest that you look in the mirror and see if some of the fault doesn't lie with you...

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JustLooking123

I realize that this doesn't diretly answer your question...but perhaps you should banish the word "perfect" from your dating dictionary. There is no such thing as a perfect woman; no one will be able to maintain perfetion. Of course she has flaws.

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You're too damn picky WTFshock, you are being ridiculous. Everyone's got flaws and hers are minor compared to most women.

 

I agree with your mom, the fact that she didn't bolt as soon as she heard you got cancer is a testament that she is aeons above the average woman. Forgetting to brush your teeth sometimes and being a little eccentric are petty things when you look at the big picture.

 

If you don't want her, send her over to me.

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damn... a female that stops brushing her teeth? a woman with no control of her personal hygeine is pretty much a no go, no matter how much u love them.

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Buckeye Candy

You both need to slow down. I think you're subconsciously focusing on the negatives more now because the relationship is moving too fast. You have a lot going on in your life that demands your attention and your need for self preservation is calling out to you.

 

If you keep rushing things they may blow up in your face. Slow down and definitely WAIT to move in together.

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damn... a female that stops brushing her teeth? a woman with no control of her personal hygeine is pretty much a no go, no matter how much u love them.

 

I brush my teeth atleast once a day, ideally twice. But I don't panic when I go to bed without brushing my teeth for whatever reason.

 

I doubt the woman completely stopped brushing her teeth. She probably forgot a couple of times and this guy's being annoying about it. I get the feeling that he is equally responsible for the petty arguments as she is.

 

This girl sounds like a good person with atleast decent looks. You know how many guys would kill for that? The grass isn't always much greener on the other side. Maybe another girl will brush her teeth 4 times a day, but as soon as she hears this guy she knows only for a few months (in some cases, knows for many years ) has cancer, Syanora! SKIPPING a job opportunity (money?!) to take care of a guy whose sick, I can't think of a single woman who would actually do that for someone other than their own child (and even in these cases, you'll still find many who won't).

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I met this wonderful gal 5 months ago on the net. She contacted me on a dating site as i was ending it with another girl. We started dating hot and heavy and everything was going great. She has an A+ personality (most of the time), everyone who has ever met her loves her, she is very pretty and of the body type i enjoy, she gives me more sex than i know what to do with :bunny: and its very good.

 

We are now having issues and i cant help but to find myself thinking about ending it with her. Little red flags are starting to pop up all over the place now instead of just 1 flag here and there. It is complicated by the fact that my son absolutely loves her and her son loves me. Not to mention the fact that everyone i have introduced her to loves her and they all think i landed someone special.

 

Most of the time this girl is exactly what i want but more and more i feel myself being repulsed by her. We are at the point now where we have been talking about getting a place together. This came up about a month ago when i was diagnosed with cancer. My mother was impressed that she didn't bolt at this news lol.

 

At first everything was great between us. She is pretty much exactly what i want in a woman (for the most part). She is very smart, pretty, nice body and highly sexually charged. But im afraid that her negatives are starting to outweigh her positives. I informed her in the begining that i dont tolerate uncalled for drama, that i am not ready for marriage for a long while and that my son comes first.

The problem I'm seeing here is that you've only known this girl for 5 months, and the reasons you give for liking her basically amounts to her looks, sex, and the fact that other people in your life approve of her. Yet you're talking about moving in together :confused:

 

There's nothing wrong with that, but if your relationship is going to last you have to get to know her better as a person before you make any big decisions, like moving in together.

 

As our relationship progresses she has been giving me reasons to rethink our relationship. With each little incident i can feel myself pulling farther away.

 

-picks arguments increasingly over petty things (drama)

Like what? Honestly, I doubt that this is truly the case, because in this post you come across as someone who is only looking for a woman who compliments you, and makes your life easier, without thinking about what you bring to the table. You also come across as completely lacking in understanding and as inflexible.

 

-stopped brushing her teeth (put a big dent in our relationship)

Completely? She doesn't brush her teeth at all? That's gross. Have you talked to her about this?

-very eccentric. (cant touch her face, tickle her ect.)

Personally I don't think that makes her eccentric. Maybe she doesn't want dirt and oil from your hands all over her face clogging her pores. And getting tickled is f'n annoying, I bet you don't like it either. Good for her for letting you know what she doesn't like. She's communicating to you some of the things she doesn't want from a partner.

-she smothers me (i have asked for some space to chase my hobbies and she agreed, that lasted a week and she keeps inviting herself over or using her son to get me to say yes...come on over)

Again, have you spoken with her about this? You need to have a discussion with her so that you both end up on the same page and understand where the other is coming from and what the other's expectations and needs are.

 

I was just about to end it with her when i was diagnosed with cancer and she never left my side in the hospital. Hell she even brought me a steak dinner. At that point she turned down a job to take care of me. I felt in her debt for this and i agreed to move in with her. Since then things have only gotten worse and im feeling like i need to end this.

Well this is an example of what kind of person she is. Is this a good quality or a bad quality? You need to decide that separate from you feeling in her debt over this. Also, was there any discussion about whether she should take the job, or did she just turn it down without speaking with you about it?

 

Today she calls me up and is pissed off about not being able to find a house after 2 days of looking. I told her before she started looking that i made a promise to my son that i would get him back to 1 of 2 schools he really loved (forced to move after divorce and hates his new school) and she didnt have a problem with it. I told her i will not live in town (because of the crime) and that i would only consider the 2 school dist my son wants to go back to. When she calls me today she is flipping out that she cant find anywhere other than in town and gets mad at me for not making compromises, yet she is unwilling to pull her son out of school because of an agreement between her and her ex. (her son goes to school in town) I feel like i cant compromise because i did make a promise to my 10 year old son to get him back to the school he loves before i met her.

So it's your way or the highway? Why is she supposed to compromise and honor the promise you made your son, yet you can't understand that she made the same kind of agreement/promise to someone else?

 

I really can't believe that you two are talking about moving in together, because you aren't communicating very well with each other, and neither of you is acting like part of a couple.

 

I just dunno what to do with her. I am mad at her a couple times a week it seems now over crap she starts. More and more i find myself wanting to call it quits but i know its gonna hurt my son and myself. I have tried sitting her down and explaining things to her but she gets defensive and somehow turns everything back on me.

Again, I think you need to think about what you're bringing to the table here.

 

I guess my questions are... should i end it? if not how do i go about making her understand i cant deal with childish drama? how do i get her to straighten up?

Only you can decide if you should end it; though from your post it sounds like you'd be doing both of you a favor if you did.

 

Nowhere in your post did you mention any examples of things she started that was "childish" drama so I'm not sure exactly what you're talking about. Generally, if you don't want to deal with drama, you either avoid the person who is causing drama, or you don't respond to their drama. You draw a line and you stand firm on it.

 

How do you get her to "straighten up?" Seriously? You don't. From the information you've given, I don't see what's so terrible about her, other than it's really gross to not brush your teeth. It sounds like the problem is you're making HER the problem, when the problem is really the two of you. Neither of you is acting like a couple, it sounds like you're acting like individuals and expecting the other person to fall in line with whatever you want/decide (though it does sound like she is the one who's putting a bit more effort into compromise than you are); also it sounds as though you're not communicating with each other very well.

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Today she calls me up and is pissed off about not being able to find a house after 2 days of looking.

 

I just dunno what to do with her. I am mad at her a couple times a week it seems now over crap she starts.

Another thought jumps out at me. You are most likely extremely stressed out over the cancer dx, but has it occurred to you that she most likely is too? I would guess that even husbands and wives who are totally devoted to each other would fight a lot more often about petty things and stress out over every little thing too when they have such a thing going on. I know when I have a lot of stress going on in my life, I start wigging out over smaller and smaller things.

 

I suppose you could break up with her, but my guess is that you'd get back with her when you realized what you lost, but maybe you guys should wait before moving in together--that sounds like a deal you don't need right now.

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Stopped brushing her teeth, huh? I guess flossing must be out of the question then.

 

My dentist always reminds me, "floss only the teeth you want to keep"!!!!! :D

 

If you want a toothless woman in a few years, then by all means, continue to date her. Just keep in mind that if a person can't take care of him/herself, then he/she most likely will not be able to take care of you either.

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Is age a factor in this?

 

 

I met this wonderful gal 5 months ago on the net. She contacted me on a dating site as i was ending it with another girl. We started dating hot and heavy and everything was going great. She has an A+ personality (most of the time), everyone who has ever met her loves her, she is very pretty and of the body type i enjoy, she gives me more sex than i know what to do with :bunny: and its very good.

 

We are now having issues and i cant help but to find myself thinking about ending it with her. Little red flags are starting to pop up all over the place now instead of just 1 flag here and there. It is complicated by the fact that my son absolutely loves her and her son loves me. Not to mention the fact that everyone i have introduced her to loves her and they all think i landed someone special.

 

Most of the time this girl is exactly what i want but more and more i feel myself being repulsed by her. We are at the point now where we have been talking about getting a place together. This came up about a month ago when i was diagnosed with cancer. My mother was impressed that she didn't bolt at this news lol.

 

At first everything was great between us. She is pretty much exactly what i want in a woman (for the most part). She is very smart, pretty, nice body and highly sexually charged. But im afraid that her negatives are starting to outweigh her positives. I informed her in the begining that i dont tolerate uncalled for drama, that i am not ready for marriage for a long while and that my son comes first.

 

As our relationship progresses she has been giving me reasons to rethink our relationship. With each little incident i can feel myself pulling farther away.

 

-picks arguments increasingly over petty things (drama)

-stopped brushing her teeth (put a big dent in our relationship)

-very eccentric. (cant touch her face, tickle her ect.)

-she smothers me (i have asked for some space to chase my hobbies and she agreed, that lasted a week and she keeps inviting herself over or using her son to get me to say yes...come on over)

 

I was just about to end it with her when i was diagnosed with cancer and she never left my side in the hospital. Hell she even brought me a steak dinner. At that point she turned down a job to take care of me. I felt in her debt for this and i agreed to move in with her. Since then things have only gotten worse and im feeling like i need to end this.

 

Today she calls me up and is pissed off about not being able to find a house after 2 days of looking. I told her before she started looking that i made a promise to my son that i would get him back to 1 of 2 schools he really loved (forced to move after divorce and hates his new school) and she didnt have a problem with it. I told her i will not live in town (because of the crime) and that i would only consider the 2 school dist my son wants to go back to. When she calls me today she is flipping out that she cant find anywhere other than in town and gets mad at me for not making compromises, yet she is unwilling to pull her son out of school because of an agreement between her and her ex. (her son goes to school in town) I feel like i cant compromise because i did make a promise to my 10 year old son to get him back to the school he loves before i met her.

 

I just dunno what to do with her. I am mad at her a couple times a week it seems now over crap she starts. More and more i find myself wanting to call it quits but i know its gonna hurt my son and myself. I have tried sitting her down and explaining things to her but she gets defensive and somehow turns everything back on me.

 

I guess my questions are... should i end it? if not how do i go about making her understand i cant deal with childish drama? how do i get her to straighten up?

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