Online dating: Improper spelling/grammar a dealbreaker?

[tigressA]

For me it is. I've gotten quite a few messages from guys that will say, "Hey whats up? How r u this evening?" I can't stand it. I just automatically block them. For me, anyone who isn't willing to spell things out completely--especially such short words as "are" and "you"!--and make an effort to use proper punctuation and grammar isn't worth getting to know.

 

Another thing that annoys me is something I've seen in quite a few profiles under "You should message me if" (I'm on OKCupid): "If you know how to use proper spelling and grammar, that's a bonus." WTF?! That shouldn't be a "bonus"!

 

What do you all think of this?

[New Again]

For me it is. I've gotten quite a few messages from guys that will say, "Hey whats up? How r u this evening?" I can't stand it. I just automatically block them. For me, anyone who isn't willing to spell things out completely--especially such short words as "are" and "you"!--and make an effort to use proper punctuation and grammar isn't worth getting to know.

 

Another thing that annoys me is something I've seen in quite a few profiles under "You should message me if" (I'm on OKCupid): "If you know how to use proper spelling and grammar, that's a bonus." WTF?! That shouldn't be a "bonus"!

 

What do you all think of this?

 

I don't date online, but if I did I probably wouldn't date anyone who had poor grammar (within reason), and anyone who misspelled words or didn't both to actually write out words I wouldn't consider either. What a huge turn off.

 

I think it's a combination of people being lazy, texting/emailing/online chatting is ruining literacy, and literacy (overall) is pretty crappy/low level anyways, but since people spend so much time online these days it's more apparent.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I'm a big reader. Which means I read BOOKS, NEWSPAPERS, other various articles. There's no freaking "txt spk" in what I'm reading. So having to read that crap is like being stabbed in the eyeballs. It takes more effort than it's worth, IMO. And I don't understand what's so difficult about using spell check. It takes a couple extra minutes of effort, but goes a long way towards impressing me. I'm not SUPER anal about it - like if I'm IM'ing with someone and they misspell here or there. Not a big deal. I've been known to do that. But if you're going to sit down and take time to write an email - use Firefox - it underlines words spelled wrong in red. Or, alternatively - most email programs have spell check. Not difficult. Yes - it can be a major turn off. If you're trying to impress somebody, why wouldn't you make a tiny little extra effort?

[deebeechrisyo]

Yeah that's a pretty big turn off. I'm not even sure why, I guess maybe it comes off as immature to me.

[CarrieT]

I'm with you! My profile has "txt spk" and Twitterisms as a major turn-off so guys that don't even bother to read that part of my profile are completely ignored.

 

There is nothing worse than "U R Hot! How R U tonite?"

 

Ugh.

[stevejohnson1976]

what if it's an obvious typo? like they hit 'a' instead of 's'?

 

I am also turned off by the 'r' and 'u' deal

[tigressA]

what if it's an obvious typo? like they hit 'a' instead of 's'?

 

I am also turned off by the 'r' and 'u' deal

 

Obvious typos don't bother me, unless they happen frequently. That gets annoying.

[D-Lish]

I recieved the following the other day:

 

"Hey cuttie, how r u?"

 

I deleted it right away.

[boogieboy]

I dont judge people based on the way they spell. As long as they SPEAK normal, it doesnt matter to me. I think judging and passing up people based on the way they type is assinine. Not everyone likes to bother with spelling everything right, some people find it fun to txt spk, it doesnt mean they arent good relationship material. Typing or spelling has no correlation to who they are and how they treat you. They could be the most amazing person, and you miss out because of an email with poor spelling. Bill Gates dropped out of college, Im sure he could care less about his spelling.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

For me it is. I've gotten quite a few messages from guys that will say, "Hey whats up? How r u this evening?" I can't stand it. I just automatically block them. For me, anyone who isn't willing to spell things out completely--especially such short words as "are" and "you"!--and make an effort to use proper punctuation and grammar isn't worth getting to know.

 

Another thing that annoys me is something I've seen in quite a few profiles under "You should message me if" (I'm on OKCupid): "If you know how to use proper spelling and grammar, that's a bonus." WTF?! That shouldn't be a "bonus"!

 

What do you all think of this?

 

 

 

I applaud it entirely, and not because a few good ones won't slip through the cracks now and again, but because when you're a woman, and a hottie at that, you could do well to have something to assist in paring down the applicants.

 

So just keep winnowing your list of applicants down to a manageable lot, and you'll feel much more organized and on top of your game as a result.

[betamanlet]

For me it is. I've gotten quite a few messages from guys that will say, "Hey whats up? How r u this evening?" I can't stand it. I just automatically block them. For me, anyone who isn't willing to spell things out completely--especially such short words as "are" and "you"!--and make an effort to use proper punctuation and grammar isn't worth getting to know.

 

Another thing that annoys me is something I've seen in quite a few profiles under "You should message me if" (I'm on OKCupid): "If you know how to use proper spelling and grammar, that's a bonus." WTF?! That shouldn't be a "bonus"!

 

What do you all think of this?

Lots of people do that though. My brother, who is in law school, still sometimes confused your and you're, and I'm like :facepalm:. But it's common. I see work done by CEOs of major corporations, and they cannot even spell, and make mistakes. To err is human. Try to be a bit more forgiving.

[Bejita463]

Lots of people do that though. My brother, who is in law school, still sometimes confused your and you're, and I'm like :facepalm:. But it's common. I see work done by CEOs of major corporations, and they cannot even spell, and make mistakes. To err is human. Try to be a bit more forgiving.

 

Everyone makes mistakes, yes. That said, there is a difference between choosing the wrong option in a set of commonly mistaken words (their, they're, there or it's and its) and typing like this: hay how r u i like ur profile wana chat

 

How many CEOs send out memorandums that look like a monkey had a seizure atop a typewriter? Not many, I'd wager.

[betamanlet]

Everyone makes mistakes, yes. That said, there is a difference between choosing the wrong option in a set of commonly mistaken words (their, they're, there or it's and its) and typing like this: hay how r u i like ur profile wana chat

 

How many CEOs send out memorandums that look like a monkey had a seizure atop a typewriter? Not many, I'd wager.

On blackberry emails I've seen some atrocious typing before... Not twitter speak, but just everything being wrong, spelled incorrectly, etc.

[Bejita463]

On blackberry emails I've seen some atrocious typing before... Not twitter speak, but just everything being wrong, spelled incorrectly, etc.

 

Chances are pretty good that any message you receive on a dating site was typed with a keyboard, not a key/touchpad.

[betamanlet]

Chances are pretty good that any message you receive on a dating site was typed with a keyboard, not a key/touchpad.

 

 

My mom is a lot smarter than I am, and she' cannot type for sh*t.

[Bejita463]

My mom is a lot smarter than I am, and she' cannot type for sh*t.

 

When the form of communication you are using to express yourself is written, your ability in that area is what gives people the initial impression of your intellect. In an introductory email on a dating site, you do not really have the time necessary to prove that while you type as though you have assigned seating on a short bus you are actually of genius level intellect.

 

Typing poorly on a site like that is akin to showing up to an interview in torn jeans and a dirty T-Shirt. You may be PERFECT for the job, but they aren't going to see that because their first impression of you is what they saw, and they wrote you off immediately. Those grammatical atrocities are what potential partners are going to have their eyes lock on to, and if such things matter to them, you are going to be dismissed in the same way, for roughly the same reason.

 

If you cannot communicate intelligently, you are highly unlikely to be perceived as intelligent. That's life.

[New Again]

I dont judge people based on the way they spell. As long as they SPEAK normal, it doesnt matter to me. I think judging and passing up people based on the way they type is assinine. Not everyone likes to bother with spelling everything right, some people find it fun to txt spk, it doesnt mean they arent good relationship material. Typing or spelling has no correlation to who they are and how they treat you. They could be the most amazing person, and you miss out because of an email with poor spelling. Bill Gates dropped out of college, Im sure he could care less about his spelling.

 

Lots of people do that though. My brother, who is in law school, still sometimes confused your and you're, and I'm like :facepalm:. But it's common. I see work done by CEOs of major corporations, and they cannot even spell, and make mistakes. To err is human. Try to be a bit more forgiving.

 

I was going to respond to these two comments....but just for the heck of it I read the rest of the thread....and realized that Bejita said exactly what I wanted to say.

 

When the form of communication you are using to express yourself is written, your ability in that area is what gives people the initial impression of your intellect. In an introductory email on a dating site, you do not really have the time necessary to prove that while you type as though you have assigned seating on a short bus you are actually of genius level intellect.

 

Typing poorly on a site like that is akin to showing up to an interview in torn jeans and a dirty T-Shirt. You may be PERFECT for the job, but they aren't going to see that because their first impression of you is what they saw, and they wrote you off immediately. Those grammatical atrocities are what potential partners are going to have their eyes lock on to, and if such things matter to them, you are going to be dismissed in the same way, for roughly the same reason.

 

If you cannot communicate intelligently, you are highly unlikely to be perceived as intelligent. That's life.

 

So X2 on this.

 

And I'll also just throw in that my dad is very intelligent and very successful. He is also an atrocious speller. However, I would NEVER know this from reading his emails and other correspondence I've seen. The reason for this is he knows the importance of making good impressions &etc. as stated above, so he makes the effort to do it right.

 

He often asks my mom (and myself when I was home) for help spelling when he's working at home and writing something. He also spell checks and even uses a dictionary (imagine that) if he needs to. It really doesn't take that long, which is why people who can't be bothered look like they don't give a **** and/or are lazy.

[Arabella]

I met my ex-SO on the Internet. He couldn't type worth squat. He would use all the Internet lingo and then some. It put me off big time at first.

 

Eventually we started talking more, and I only intended to be friends with him. Turned out he was (still is) one of the most brilliant people of his age I've ever met. He could type perfectly when he wanted to, and his vocabulary was extraordinarily rich... he was just lazy about it!

 

 

Arabella

[melodymatters]

My recent fave.....

 

 

.......wait for it.....

 

 

" Ladies, shivery isn't dead !"

 

 

LOL:lmao::lmao::lmao:

[jw90063]

UGH.......this thread is a bit nauseating.

 

I kind of get this vibe that some people on this site are so obnoxiously full of themselves. You think because you converse or type so darn intellectually that anyone who doesn't follow in your path is worthless.

 

I agree that if someone has horrible grammar, it can be a turn off. If you seriously blew someone off that abruptly because of something such as "Hi, how r u...Hey What's up?, How r u this evening?", then I would say you have some issues. I could see if they typed like a first grader, but good lord. Also, just because some people don't spell every single word correctly, and use absolute correct punctuation in every sentence, doesn't mean they are not datable or deserve a chance.

 

How judgmental can one be?! Get to know them a little better, then decide.

Edited December 18, 2009 by jw90063

[JustLooking123]

UGH.......this thread is a bit nauseating.

 

I kind of get this vibe that some people on this site are so obnoxiously full of themselves. You think because you converse or type so darn intellectually that anyone who doesn't follow in your path is worthless.

 

I agree that if someone has horrible grammar, it can be a turn off. If you seriously blew someone off that abruptly because of something such as "Hi, how r u...Hey What's up?, How r u this evening?", then I would say you have some issues. I could see if they typed like a first grader, but good lord. Also, just because some people don't spell every single word correctly, and use absolute correct punctuation in every sentence, doesn't mean they are not datable or deserve a chance.

 

How judgmental can one be?! Get to know them a little better, then decide.

 

Sounds like this struck a nerve with you! Go back and read Bejita's post.

 

People can narrow down their dating pool based on whatever criteria they want. No reason to get so defensive. I have no problem with grammar and spelling being used to weed people out, because of what they often represent: intelligence and level of time/care put into the communication, among other things.

[jw90063]

Sounds like this struck a nerve with you! Go back and read Bejita's post.

 

People can narrow down their dating pool based on whatever criteria they want. No reason to get so defensive. I have no problem with grammar and spelling being used to weed people out, because of what they often represent: intelligence and level of time/care put into the communication, among other things.

 

 

I'm just giving my thoughts on this, and I read all the posts. Thanks.

 

I just think its absolutely ridiculous for someone to automatically zone someone out because a simple "hey how r u", instead of the "Hey, how are you?". I could see it being questionable to some extent, but to just ignore them over it?

 

Bejita's example of a poor typing was "hay how r u i like ur profile wana chat". Yes, that is very bad and I would have a hard time finding interest in someone who types like that. It does appear if they are uneducated or just does not care.

 

OP said "I've gotten quite a few messages from guys that will say, "Hey whats up? How r u this evening?" I can't stand it. I just automatically block them." That I do not understand. Blocking them over that? Give me a break. Many people talk like that online or when texting. I don't think that is an indicator as to how intelligent someone is.

[callingyouuu]

I really don't think it's that big of a deal to have stringent grammatical standards. I agree, perfect grammar and punctuation aren't always necessarily the best ways to weed out those who aren't worth dating, but it's not too different from people who judge potential mates from the way that they dress, their personal style, or other superficial characteristics.

 

I agree, it's definitely not a good indicator of intelligence. Some of the most intelligent people I know have a penchant for improper capitalization. Even so, it's important to see what kinds of standards other people hold for themselves, and see if those standards match up to yours.