jw90063 Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 Have you ever noticed how it bugs you more when you see one of your Ex's with a REALLY hot girl or guy? It's like if they were with a somewhat attractive person or someone not so hot, it doesn't bother you as bad. Tonight on Facebook, I found an ex of mine. He was pretty special to me. I haven't been in a large number of relationships, but he was one of my more serious ones. I didn't know he was married, but I managed to see his WIFE on Facebook tonight. I sort of found myself feeling envious, but I realized its because she is SO pretty. She is only like 21 years old too, which to me is too young to be tying the knot. For some reason, it made me just sick. I know I shouldn't care, but I just realized if she wasn't so pretty or butt ugly I wouldn't care. I know that's bad, but that's how it is. I know I can't be the only one to feel this way. It has been years since I dated the guy, and I don't have any feelings for him. Just knowing he is married to someone and she is very attractive makes me nauseated. How many of you have ever felt this way? Does it bother you more when you see an ex with someone really hot as opposed to them being not so attractive? Does this mean I'm really vain or what to feel this way? Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 The only time I got jealous about an ex (that I remember right now) was because the woman he married was his "Best Friend" while he and I were dating for 3 years. Something about that situation - to this day - bugs me. I don't think he physically cheated on me during those 3 years. But the fact he started dating her so soon after and they are now married with 2 kids - makes me not feel so great. I think she is ugly, but I have to admit she has a knock-out body. They always used to go for lunch and coffee together.... Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 Nah, you're not the only one. I when I first saw my ex with a FETISH MODEL, I was a little miffed about it. I mean, even though the profession is a little less than "traditional," she is gorgeous and likely makes good money doing it, too. The pissed off-ness fades in time, especially when you're interested in someone else. You can only care and be jealous for so long, and then your brain simply finds other stuff to care about. Eventually, what you're doing is going to be too important to give a damn about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jw90063 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 Nah, you're not the only one. I when I first saw my ex with a FETISH MODEL, I was a little miffed about it. I mean, even though the profession is a little less than "traditional," she is gorgeous and likely makes good money doing it, too. The pissed off-ness fades in time, especially when you're interested in someone else. You can only care and be jealous for so long, and then your brain simply finds other stuff to care about. Eventually, what you're doing is going to be too important to give a damn about them. I'm sure if I wasn't single it wouldn't really bother me as much. I don't know. It just bugs me, and I wish I hadn't seen it. I just wish he had married someone somewhat attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Cupcakes Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 He was probably looking for someone with more depth than you, and the woman he ended up married to has that, age 21 or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 I'm sure if I wasn't single it wouldn't really bother me as much. I don't know. It just bugs me, and I wish I hadn't seen it. I just wish he had married someone somewhat attractive. Yeah, it bugged me until I fell for this crazy ginger that I used to work with. After that I could absolutely care less who the ex slept with. I still could care less now, and I'm single! Now I just gotta find myself a boy fetish model. Hur hur hur. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jw90063 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 He was probably looking for someone with more depth than you, and the woman he ended up married to has that, age 21 or not. What's that supposed to mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Rudderless Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 Talking about serious exes? Well I think for a guy it's slightly different than just looks, it's more about success I guess. But I'm not bothered. The ones who have kids have really nice looking kids and quite a great family life too. I'd be a lot more bemused if they ended up with a douchebag. Actually, I'd be pretty ticked off if they didn't end up having a great life. The only time I got my strings pulled is when an ex started dating the bassist from my (and her) favourite band. That sucked on so many levels. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 What's that supposed to mean? You're shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jw90063 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 You're shallow. Yeah, I pretty much knew that, but was waiting for them to say that. I still think this situation is more of it hurts to see an ex with someone else, and makes it even worse when they are very attractive. I don't know if that makes me extremely shallow, but sure some. Can people seriously say it wouldn't bother them "more" if they saw their ex with a very hot girl or guy? And the thing is, my ex was very shallow, and had high standards, so that has nothing to do with him marrying this girl, instead of me. Actually we had talked about getting married at one point. I'm sure I'm better off not marrying him because he was dishonest about some things, and seemed like a jerk. So yeah, why do I give a crap who he marries. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 You're shallow. Oh COME ON. We're all shallow to some extent! If I had an ex who said he'd marry me, and he suddenly went out with Megan Fox I'd climb a bridge!! Though as shallowness goes, I suppose you should be more upset if he's with a tweeker scuz, especially if you were dumped for one. Right? Darwinism probably says that you should be upset if he's with a unattractive women, because if that's his TYPE...well, then... At least you know he has good taste, and went out with you too! Now you just have to find someone who has good taste AND that you can communicate properly with! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jw90063 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 Oh COME ON. We're all shallow to some extent! If I had an ex who said he'd marry me, and he suddenly went out with Megan Fox I'd climb a bridge!! Though as shallowness goes, I suppose you should be more upset if he's with a tweeker scuz, especially if you were dumped for one. Right? Darwinism probably says that you should be upset if he's with a unattractive women, because if that's his TYPE...well, then... At least you know he has good taste, and went out with you too! Now you just have to find someone who has good taste AND that you can communicate properly with! The more I think about it, it seems normal for anyone to be more envious of their ex , if they are seen with a very gorgeous person. I do feel a little better, that he does have good taste, and also dated me. I see what you are saying. Oh yeah, and her birthday is the same month as mine. Don't you think that's odd. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 The more I think about it, it seems normal for anyone to be more envious of their ex , if they are seen with a very gorgeous person. I do feel a little better, that he does have good taste, and also dated me. I see what you are saying. Oh yeah, and her birthday is the same month as mine. Don't you think that's odd. Oh no...guess he has a fetish for a certain ASTROLOGICAL SIGN!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jw90063 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 Oh no...guess he has a fetish for a certain ASTROLOGICAL SIGN!!!!! Yeah that's possible, but surely not. Link to post Share on other sites
MadDriver Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Have you ever noticed how it bugs you more when you see one of your Ex's with a REALLY hot girl or guy? It's like if they were with a somewhat attractive person or someone not so hot, it doesn't bother you as bad. You got hurt because he traded-UP. If he had traded-down or sideways, you couldn't care less. The fact that he went up means that you are an inferior product compared to his new wife. You are not a unique snowflake. You are replaceable and quantifiable. Sorry to be so blunt. The truth is ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 No, I get totally insulted when an ex trades down. It makes me wonder if his taste isn't as discriminate as it should be, especially when it comes to intelligence, morals, values, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 No, I get totally insulted when an ex trades down. It makes me wonder if his taste isn't as discriminate as it should be, especially when it comes to intelligence, morals, values, etc. I am slightly insulted as well, but not in the same way...I just wonder why the ex threw away a great thing for something inferior and then believes she's "happy"... Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I am slightly insulted as well, but not in the same way...I just wonder why the ex threw away a great thing for something inferior and then believes she's "happy"...Even though our reasons are a little different, it's also a way to lose even more respect for exes, thus loosen the hold a little more. "So all you wanted was...that?" Link to post Share on other sites
Jaytb Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 No, I get totally insulted when an ex trades down. It makes me wonder if his taste isn't as discriminate as it should be, especially when it comes to intelligence, morals, values, etc. I thought you'd be rational about this, something along the lines of "ha, he can't get any better than me!" lol Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I thought you'd be rational about this, something along the lines of "ha, he can't get any better than me!" lol I like it...A LOT! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jw90063 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 You got hurt because he traded-UP. If he had traded-down or sideways, you couldn't care less. The fact that he went up means that you are an inferior product compared to his new wife. You are not a unique snowflake. You are replaceable and quantifiable. Sorry to be so blunt. The truth is ugly. Uh, maybe I'm not understanding your post or something. I don't really like the term trade-up. Sounds like you are saying I'm beneath the girl, and if so how would you even know this? Have you seen her or me? I don't consider myself inferior to the girl as far as attractiveness, although I don't know much else about her. It's not like he dumped me to be with her either. I think no matter who he was with it would bug me because he got married. It's just more bothersome because she is very pretty. It's hard to explain why it aggravates me. Maybe I'm a jealous person in general. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I thought you'd be rational about this, something along the lines of "ha, he can't get any better than me!" lol There was a phase when I thought that...and it made me feel better through anger and resentment...and then that turned into sorrow...and I found myself right back where I had started... Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I feel better if ex-s date someone "better" than me. It makes me feel at peace and if the world makes sense. I can not understand when they trade down, as in date someone who is significantly worse looking than me and/or has no education. I know I am shallow, but looks are the first obvious thing that I notice. In the cases when ex-s traded down and went on to have happy relationships with the traded down person, I get obssesive and over-analyze. I just do not get it what it was about me that they didn't like and what does the new person has that I don't. When it's not obvious (as in looks), it makes me think about it more deeply. Ugh. It drives me crazy. I am WAY more insulted when someone doesn't like me because of some aspects of my personality. I much prefer not being liked because I am not someone's physical type. That doesn't bother me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 P.S. I used to feel like you OP when I was in my late teens and early 20's. Life experience has thought me that physical attraction alone can never sustain a relationship. I also used to think that men who were strongly physically attracted to me - really cared about me. What a fool I was. I guess that's why I am not envious of other's physical attraction and looks. Emotional and intellectual bond though, if witnessed between an ex and another person - tears me apart. I guess it's because I rarely (even never) had that with anyone thus it's more valuable to me. Different perspectives Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 My first boyfriend (and first love), who I dated when I was 19 and a freshman in college--more than 3 years ago--got married in August. I haven't seen him in more than 2 years but I'm still kind of curious as to what his wife is like. I like to assume that she isn't as pretty as me. I can understand why I wasn't marriage material for him though--we have very different values. Link to post Share on other sites
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