LaChatteNoire Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Good morning everyone! Some background info - My boyfriend and I have been dating just shy of 4 years, we've recently moved in together, we've always got along (maybe a couple of scuffles that are usually disagreements, and I really mean just a couple), and things have been going pretty well. I'm 23, he's 24. That said, last night and the night before were a little odd, but I need to know if I'm just crazy or if I have reason to be a little upset. The night before yesterday, I was about to go to bed and enticed my boyfriend to the bedroom - upon which he said he needed to take a shower because it had been a few days. So he took a shower and I waited in bed watching David Letterman and he brushed his teeth and came to the bed. So this is what got me and just grossed me out - he took the edge comforter and wiped his wet (probably with some toothpaste remnants) "soul patch". It really grossed me out and I told him that it did. And it totally turned me off. Now I was just stuck thinking about this gross wet part of my blanket (which to me is the equivalent of the feeling of a wet sleeve edge, only with the added possible toothpaste bits). I turned over in the bed and said how gross it was, so he said, "Thanks for wasting my time..." and I realized that maybe I overreacted and said," No no, come back and get over here!", trying to remedy this little situation, but he walked out of the room and closed the door. So I left the room and went to the living room (where he was doing some of his assignments for a class of his) and tried to call him back over to no avail. So I turned back towards the bedroom and turned back around and tried to get him one more time - which worked. So that night ended well. Last night, same situation, I was about to go to bed and he chased after me (just being flirtatious) and I ran into the bedroom. He said he needed to brush his teeth first - so he did and so did I. We go back to bed and the same thing happened with the edge of the comforter! I said,"Gross, seriously, again? That's what the towel in the bathroom is for!" to which he replied,"It wasn't even wet," to which I replied,"Then why did you wipe your face if it wasn't wet?", to which he humorously replied,"Because it was cold." But it was still grossing me out, as now I had another wet piece of comforter. So I said, which I probably shouldn't have,"Man, you really know how to ruin these things," to which he responded," YOU know how to ruin these things." So he got out of bed and started to walk away and I asked him please to not go. He said, "Goodnight babe," and left. I didn't go after him this time. So that left me feeling like crap and a little angry that he didn't come back when I apologetically had asked him to please stay. So anyway, what do all of you get from this? Is it my fault that I'm grossed out by him not using the comforter as a comforter? Was I wrong to let it get to me and turn me off? He seemed pretty upset when he left the room last night, but he did say goodnight nicely. Am I right to be a little mad at him for being gross and for not coming back when I had asked him to? Should I talk to him about it later when I get home? I know this isn't a big deal to most - but we're really never upset with each other, so it matters a bit to me. Thanks for any advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Don't go chasing him.. if he wants it he will learn to stop wiping his dirt squirrel on the comforter after brushing. Link to post Share on other sites
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Second time he was intentionally f'ing with you. I do know what you mean trhough. WTF I dont want to live in a museum, and Im by no means some neat freak. But people who do pointless things with my stuff pisses me off. I had a gf who used to borrow one of my cars since hers was a peice of crap. I dont care. I dont care about the mileage, use it and enjoy. But shed always leave her coffee all over the damn car. Put it in the cup holder open and let it spill all over the place. You say it nicely, and they keep doing it. No regard for other peoples stuff Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I think the real problem is that he has a soul patch. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I think the real problem is that he has a soul patch. True, but that aside, I don't get it. It might not occur to me to wipe part of my face on bedding but really, so what? I'm just not seeing the "gross" part of this at all, unless he was dribbling chocolate or blowing his nose on the comforter or something. I was a bit grossed out by this part, though: he said he needed to take a shower because it had been a few days Yuck. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Wiping part of his face with the comforter shouldnt be a big deal, but I dont understand why he does it because "its cold". I wonder if it would bug me if my chick decided every night to rub her cooch with the blanket every night..it wouldnt gross me out, but it would bother me. Try talking to him waaay before you go to bed before he gets patch rubbing in his head and see if you can come to some sort of comprimise. I might have the wrong idea by what you mean of soul patch, but either way, if youre gonna let it bug you, dont wait till it happens to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Second time he was intentionally f'ing with you... That's what I think. Maybe what happened is he did it the first time, could tell is grossed you out - so just had to do it again - possibly because he was embarrassed. A klutzy way to go about things. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 he said he needed to take a shower because it had been a few days This grosses me out way more than anything else in the post. Does it bother you that he wipes his face on the blanket but not that he goes days without a shower? Link to post Share on other sites
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 This grosses me out way more than anything else in the post. Does it bother you that he wipes his face on the blanket but not that he goes days without a shower? LOL I was thinking the exact same thing. He was deliberately trying to get a rise out of you the second time. Maybe for a laugh, or maybe testing to see if you'd go off on him again, which you did. I think you both need to realize, especially at first, there's a little compromise involved with living together, and make an effort to not snap over little things. Eventually your habits will (hopefully) become more compatible but give it some time. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Get a small water spray bottle and the next time he does that.. squirt him in the face.. when he asks WTF?? (Aim for the soul patch of course) "Oh, my friend swears by this to get her pets to stop rubbing against the furniture... *squirt him again* 'Bad Doggy" Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaChatteNoire Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 This grosses me out way more than anything else in the post. Does it bother you that he wipes his face on the blanket but not that he goes days without a shower? Yes it had been a few days - and it does gross me out. Nothing's better than a clean smelling man. But he did take a shower before doing the deed, so I fully appreciate that. But, yes, it does bother me more often than not. I've made this clear a few times with him. I'm just not seeing the "gross" part of this at all, unless he was dribbling chocolate or blowing his nose on the comforter or something. That's another thing - I realize it may not be as gross to others, so maybe I am overreacting. But it's my comforter and he's wiping water retained in this patch of hair that probably has toothpaste in it. Toothpaste that was spat out but little bits of it made it's way into the patch. The little bits are the things he was getting rid of by brushing his teeth to begin with. So toothpaste + 14 hour mouth saliva + water on the comforter. On MY comforter. Twice. Get a small water spray bottle and the next time he does that.. squirt him in the face.. when he asks WTF?? (Aim for the soul patch of course) "Oh, my friend swears by this to get her pets to stop rubbing against the furniture... *squirt him again* 'Bad Doggy" As hilarious as this is, I don't think he would take it very well! I still don't know what to say to him though. I'm pretty sure he thinks that the "no sex" and "wasting his time" (aka "blue balls" probably) is my fault for being grossed out by the comforter thing. But he started it, right? It's not my fault? Link to post Share on other sites
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 LOL I was thinking the exact same thing. He was deliberately trying to get a rise out of you the second time. Maybe for a laugh, or maybe testing to see if you'd go off on him again, which you did. I think you both need to realize, especially at first, there's a little compromise involved with living together, and make an effort to not snap over little things. Eventually your habits will (hopefully) become more compatible but give it some time. Good luck! Comprimise? Hes a f'ing slob And I didnt want to ride down another persons "love"...but since its been brought up, smack him for the patch as well Link to post Share on other sites
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Comprimise? Hes a f'ing slob And I didnt want to ride down another persons "love"...but since its been brought up, smack him for the patch as well Gotta read between the lines man Lots of passive aggression on both sides, him doing it a second time deliberately, maybe seeing what he could get away with, she turning over in bed, etc Shouldn't you just be be screwing like mad if you just moved in together? Sheets should be covered with sweat not soul patch Link to post Share on other sites
b52s Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 The next thing he should'ved one was the "Dutch Oven" lol Link to post Share on other sites
InspiredbyYou Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Comprimise? Hes a f'ing slob Agreed! Ewwww. Plus the idea that he keeps doing it is totally wrong. That girlfriend/coffee story is pretty bad too, I'd go ballistic. Ok but worse even than all that is this: he night before yesterday, I was about to go to bed and enticed my boyfriend to the bedroom - upon which he said he needed to take a shower because it had been a few days. :sick::sick: Please tell me that was a typo or that you left some part of the sentence out! Link to post Share on other sites
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Gotta read between the lines man Lots of passive aggression on both sides, him doing it a second time deliberately, maybe seeing what he could get away with, she turning over in bed, etc Shouldn't you just be be screwing like mad if you just moved in together? Sheets should be covered with sweat not soul patch I dont know man If some chick started wiping her ass with my comforter, I dont think shed be looking too sexy at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I dont know man If some chick started wiping her ass with my comforter, I dont think shed be looking too sexy at that point. I'm not saying he should do that I'm saying they aren't handling it well Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1981 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Prepare yourself, because I am probably going to gross you out even more. Think about it. Take a few steps back and look at the big picture. You were enticing him to bed, I assume to have sex. He brushed his teeth, then wiped his soul patch on your comforter. Do you really think he got all that stuff out of his mouth that you then basically stuck your tongue into? Unless you don't kiss, of course... Then, you had sex with him, what do you think is now all over your sheets? That you are actually sleeping on? Sleeping in? This is the tip of the iceberg. The longer you are with someone, the worse it gets. Wait until one of you wets the bed, lol. I'll tell on myself to give you some perspective. I had 2 kids close together, and I breastfed. When my milk dropped after the second one, it was way, way too much. For several weeks after that birth, every morning when we got up, me, the bed, and my H would be SOAKED with breastmilk. At first I was disgusted, and he thought it was hilarious. He helped me be able to laugh about it, and it was all okay. Maybe tonight, you should brush your teeth, then smear a little toothpaste around your mouth and chase him around saying "Kiss me, baby!!!" A sense of humor makes everything better. Link to post Share on other sites
InspiredbyYou Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I'm not saying he should do that I'm saying they aren't handling it well How is she not handling it well, and how is she being passive aggressive? Telling him that it grosses her out to please stop seems as far from passive as you can get. It's totally direct. How much more direct should she be? I know!! Maybe she should start using his socks as maxi pads to send the message that it's not ok to use household items for a personal hygiene whim. That would send a pretty loud message wouldn't you agree? It's the same thing really! Link to post Share on other sites
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 How is she not handling it well, and how is she being passive aggressive? Telling him that it grosses her out to please stop seems as far from passive as you can get. It's totally direct. How much more direct should she be? I know!! Maybe she should start using his socks as maxi pads to send the message that it's not ok to use household items for a personal hygiene whim. That would send a pretty loud message wouldn't you agree? It's the same thing really! Passive aggressive like this: "to which he humorously replied,"Because it was cold." But it was still grossing me out, as now I had another wet piece of comforter. So I said, which I probably shouldn't have,"Man, you really know how to ruin these things," " Yes he's handling it worse, but it takes two to tango and I am factoring in a bit of subjectivity since she's the one posting. His story might be different. A better story would have been "he wiped soul, I asked him not to do that, he apologized, the next night we screwed before and after teeth brushing, and no wiping was involved." But hey, if people want to bicker over toothpaste after they've been going out for 4 years, that's their perogative Link to post Share on other sites
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 This thread is exactly why I could never have male roommates. Theyre slobs. I dont even like them sleeping over Link to post Share on other sites
InspiredbyYou Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Ody: Dude she asked him to stop and made it clear it grosses her out. How much more of an invitation does he need to stop? Once is more than enough considering it is a really disgusting idiosyncrasy to have in the first place. He is not a puppy in training, he is a man. He's out of line. Link to post Share on other sites
InspiredbyYou Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Besides if he is doing these things to her face he is probably wiping his boogers on the comforter when she is not around, and more than likely his jizz if he is jerking off in bed when she is not home. Sounds like he uses the comforter as a wiping tool, he wiped his beard thing and then his mouth. you do the math... Link to post Share on other sites
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Ody: Dude she asked him to stop and made it clear it grosses her out. How much more of an invitation does he need to stop? Once is more than enough considering it is a really disgusting idiosyncrasy to have in the first place. He is not a puppy in training, he is a man. He's out of line. Where does everyone else's advice to spray him with water, or "yeah he's gross" actually get the OP, in terms of making her situation better? If this was just a vent, then sure, it's gross. But OP said "Thanks for any advice!". Link to post Share on other sites
Ody Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Besides if he is doing these things to her face he is probably wiping his boogers on the comforter when she is not around, and more than likely his jizz if he is jerking off in bed when she is not home. Sounds like he uses the comforter as a wiping tool, he wiped his beard thing and then his mouth. you do the math... You're right she should probably dump him he could be upper decking Write off the 4 years and move on OP! Seriously though the BF clearly doesn't take criticism too well. Also doesn't seem like the OP takes teasing very well (if I'm correct that the second wipe was a tease). So they need to change tactics or keep bickering Link to post Share on other sites
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