She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

[Lost-n-confused]

Here is a list of events leading up to the question.

 

-So I ask this girl out and she says yes but I’m not looking for a relationship. She just got out of 6 month relationship 3 months ago and was hurt bad.

 

-I take her jetsking and we have an amazing time. Conversation is great everything flows so beautifully. She practicly has me on a job interview.

 

-Friend calls me to tell me she was checking me out and made comments on my body.

 

-I call her later and tell her how great of a time I had she says she has a great time too. I asked her out to dinner and we try to figure out a time but both our schedules conflict. So she invites to me the club.

 

-Today I get a text saying she too busy for the club. I tell her to call me after school. I invite her to fly to this little beach and have lunch as I am a pilot. I had to hang up on her to help a customer who walked in. Call her back no answer, text her no answer.

 

-Go to the gym she texts me saying she was busy I was like no problem have fun with your prior engagement. She says she will and told me to have a great workout.

 

-Friend at gym tells me she’s freaking out that I called n texted her. That she wants to go on the flight with me but not as a date and that’s she’s interested in me but "not interested me".

 

-Asked the friend do I give up on her then? His advice was "No put her on the back burner." Stop contacting her and wait for her to contact me.

 

 

I know shes attracted to me physical, I know we communicate well. I know we can have a great time together. I think I freaked her out cause I was a bit flirty with her on the phone and mentioned taking her for a romantic plane ride. Hurts to know people think you’re attractive yet don’t like you for you. I really like this girl. I liked her the moment I first saw her and the converstion has been amazing and the short time we spent together was great.

 

So what in the world does interested but not interested mean? Why is she sending mixed signals? What do I do?

 

Should I just back off and let her contact me? Should I be alof?

[Johnny M]

I think you friend gave you excellent advice. Put her on the back burner and focus on other women (and make sure she knows that). Nothing helps an indecisive woman make up her mind about a man like a little competition.

[lucy9216]

Yes put her on the backburner for now, but when she does contact you don't play too much into the romancing. When a girl is getting to know a guy it can be a bit of a turn off at first if he is talking really romantic, atleast I know for me it is. I have been scared off before just because a guy will call me babe or honey too soon. Alot of girls like to take things slow at first and once you get to that point with her if and when you two do start seeing each other you can slowly start wooing her ( I guess is a way to put it) and eventually she will really like it. But yes for now, just continue with your life and see if she contacts you, she already knows you are interested.

[Lost-n-confused]

From what I described does she sound interested?

When I dropped her off after jetsking she shot me this smile that melted me.

[lucy9216]

I think she could be or was..... Just let it be right now because you don't want to come on tooo strong. Coerceing love will just scare it off, just lay low for now she will come to you when she is ready.

[Lost-n-confused]

My friend telling me this really confused me and embarrassed me. I just thought if I was honest with her and pursued her that it would impress her. Now I have to wait for her to contact me and if she does I have to play this stupid game where I act like I’m to busy for her.

 

I wish I wouldn’t have told her about the plane ride. I just want to spend time with her and be her friend. Show her how cool I am and that I can be patient. I wish I could take a step back but there’s no way to do so with out causing an issue to arise. She probably is going to be scared off now thinking that no matter what she says I will take it the wrong way.

 

Should I at all apologize for coming on too strong? Next time I see her tell "her I’m sorry if I came on to strong but I just want to be friends"?

 

Should I wait a week and if she doesn’t contact me send her a text saying “Hey I feel that I came on to strong and I really want to be friends, I really enjoy your company.”

 

Or should I just leave it alone and wait for her to contact me and not apologize for liking her and trying to "woo" her?

 

Edit: I realy realy dont want to seem despret or endup in the friend zone.

Edited November 15, 2009 by Lost-n-confused

[phineas]

don't even go there.

 

Let her come to you.

Or you'll scare her off.

[Lost-n-confused]

don't even go there.

 

Let her come to you.

Or you'll scare her off.

 

Thats what everyone tells me.

 

Question is will it work? People tell me it will drive her crazy that she had my attention and now its gone.

[SoulSearch_CO]

This thread sheds light on why you're having the trouble you asked about in your other thread. It sounds to me like you give too much too soon. I hate to say it, but girls your age - they like having to work and wonder a little if you like them. If they know too soon that you're into them, it kills the thrill.

[norajane]

Should I at all apologize for coming on too strong? Next time I see her tell "her I’m sorry if I came on to strong but I just want to be friends"?

 

Should I wait a week and if she doesn’t contact me send her a text saying “Hey I feel that I came on to strong and I really want to be friends, I really enjoy your company.”

 

If you say any of this, you will never capture her interest. OR anyone else's.

 

Friends is not going to get you a girlfriend. Apologizing for asking a girl out will make her think you're a weenie. And she'll never go out with you after that.

 

Let it go. Live your life. Ask other girls out. Flirt. Never, ever apologize for asking a girl out. Do not be clingy and text and call and text and call repeatedly. Do not ever tell a girl you just want to be friends. You want to be her boyfriend! Act like a guy who believes he is a good catch! Not someone who feels the need to apologize for his own existence!

 

And if this girl comes around, mention nothing that's happened so far. Just flirt with her and chat a bit and then go live your life. FLIRTING is what gets a girl interested. Not running after her like a puppy or apologizing.

[Lost-n-confused]

I have no idea how to flirt. Is it possible to get a girl interested with out being flirty? Have I gone to far already with this girl and scared her off? The fact that she talked to my firend tells my gut that I got way to firendly to quick. Im just going to back off and see what happends. Hopefull after a week or so she will wonder why I have not contacted her and think I lost interest. Maybe then she will try to contact me and then I have to be all alof.

 

I thought mentioning the plane trip would peak her interest. It a 45 min flight to the opposite side of florida. The beach is a 10 min walk from airport and there is a nice little restrant on the water. I thought gee what girl wouldnt go for that. Yea she wants to go but not as date. If she does asked about it im going to be like well its going to cost xxx to rent the plane so lets split it.

 

Only thing keeping me going is the fact that my friend says dont give up. Hes brutaly honest and doesnt care about peoples feelings. So if he says keep her on the back burner and dont give up. I guess thats the only thing to do.

 

I realy like this girl. Shes the first girl I ever liked on first contact. Normally I have to know a girl for months to like her enough to want to ask her out. That day at the lake was amazing. We clicked so well and had such an amazing time. It was all laughs and smiles and I havent had that much fun in a long time. She even called the a friend to talk about what an amazing time she had. God I hope I didnt ruin my chances.

Edited November 15, 2009 by Lost-n-confused

[dreamergrl]

OP... maybe you should try for a girl a few years older that knows what she wants.

[norajane]

I realy like this girl. Shes the first girl I ever liked on first contact. Normally I have to know a girl for months to like her enough to want to ask her out. That day at the lake was amazing. We clicked so well and had such an amazing time. It was all laughs and smiles and I havent had that much fun in a long time. She even called the a friend to talk about what an amazing time she had.

 

I doubt you've ruined anything. You just need to step back and give her time to think about that day on the beach and to remember how great it was and to miss seeing you and talking to you.

 

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't just sit around waiting for her. Go out and live your life. If she wants a relationship, she'll start flirting with you.

[thegreatmoose]

My friend telling me this really confused me and embarrassed me. I just thought if I was honest with her and pursued her that it would impress her. Now I have to wait for her to contact me and if she does I have to play this stupid game where I act like I’m to busy for her.

 

I wish I wouldn’t have told her about the plane ride. I just want to spend time with her and be her friend. Show her how cool I am and that I can be patient. I wish I could take a step back but there’s no way to do so with out causing an issue to arise. She probably is going to be scared off now thinking that no matter what she says I will take it the wrong way.

 

Should I at all apologize for coming on too strong? Next time I see her tell "her I’m sorry if I came on to strong but I just want to be friends"?

 

Should I wait a week and if she doesn’t contact me send her a text saying “Hey I feel that I came on to strong and I really want to be friends, I really enjoy your company.”

 

Or should I just leave it alone and wait for her to contact me and not apologize for liking her and trying to "woo" her?

 

Edit: I realy realy dont want to seem despret or endup in the friend zone.

She seems highly sensitive and into game playing. Those are unattractive qualities to many men.

 

You called and then texted her, which is too much for a highly sensitive woman. Some don't care if you do more than that, given what gets posted in some threads around here. I've learned just one call or one text to be safe from scaring someone off.

 

I'd get on with your life and look for other women in the meantime. Don't sit by the phone waiting her her call and don't apologize to her. You didn't do anything bad so you don't owe her one.

[tincanman99]

Leave her be for a while. As others said, get on with your life. Here is the reality, the harder you chase her the more elusive she will become. Dont pressure it. Most women do not respond well to the hard sell.

 

My advice is to cease contact and just leave it alone. Dont call her, text her or anything. Let her come to you. If she doesnt, you will know know that she is just not into you that much.

 

Realize that you cant make anyone like you or want to date you.

[Lost-n-confused]

She just called. Talked to her for 30+ minutes. We talked about school, the weather what we did today and about my career path. Ended the phone call talking about my career path issues and she tried to consol me. I keep it strictly on a friend level and nothing more. I made sure she did most of the talking. She ended the phone call which I felt was a mistake on my part. I really should have told her I had to go.

 

I hate this if it’s a game. I felt so uncomfortable and like a robot. Why did my friend have to tell me what he did? If he would have just let things be I would have acted more like myself. He should of let me fail miserably because now I’m losing interest in her and starting to dislike my friend.

 

Sometimes you shouldn’t tell your friends everything causes now I have problems with both people.

[BobSacamento]

If she contacted you then she is interested. I'd say your friends advice is now moot. She is now off the back burner if so choose. I would not wait for her to call again. I would call her in a day or two and set something up.

[Lost-n-confused]

Yea but how do you tell if she was just being friendly or is interested?

 

How do I know?

 

Last thing I want to do is ask her out again and have my friend make comments to me again. I asked her out 2 or 3 times by now. I’m not going to nag her for a date. I feel like a fool as it is. My friend says girls just call and chat and that she still a friend. My friend is confusing me more then anything. He thinks he’s some kind of guru cause he’s in a 5 year relationship.

 

The conversation was very bland and boring.

Edited November 16, 2009 by Lost-n-confused

[Lost-n-confused]

Spent all night thinking about it. Im completely lost and confused.

[thegreatmoose]

Spent all night thinking about it. Im completely lost and confused.

How about call her today or maybe tomorrow. Make it a short call and ask her out on a date. If she says yes, go and give it a chance. If she says no or plays games, you may want to move on.

[Lost-n-confused]

She knows I’m interested in her and that I asked her out two times. The jetsking doesn’t count as a date. After the jetsking I asked her out a second time she seemed receptive but we had time conflicts. She invites me to go out to a club but cancels on me the day before. I call her to setup a date in a few weeks once school lets out for us to fly to a remote airport close to a beach and have lunch she accepts. I go to the gym and my friend who was over her house tells me that she was telling my friend and his girlfriend that she wants to go on the flight but not as a date. In my friends own words she’s interest but not interested. So I take his advice and put her on the back burner and she calls me yesterday to chat and its all bull**** chat like what are you doing, how was your weekend? Not flirtatious at all. Eventually she tells me she has to go and we end the phone call.

 

I’m so confused as what to do. Some people on the forum say she interested. My friend says she’s just being a girl and chatting with me. People are telling me to call her in a few days and ask her out again but my gut tells me not to call her again and wait for her to call me a second time. My gut is telling me to wait till she asks me out at this point. She knows I like her and want a date. She knows I’m willing to do something romantic like fly her out to a remote beach for lunch.

 

I’m stuck on this he said she said bull****. This is why I have social issues because I hate all this hear-say crap. This is why I’m an attractive 24 year old virgin who’s never had a girlfriend and has gone as far as a pop kiss.

 

After what she told my friend, one phone call to me isn’t convincing me that she’s interested. I feel like I have to wait till she’s more convincing.

[VeveCakes]

I have some advice.

 

Forget her for a week. Do something else, think about other things. You don't know what's going on because I guarantee you neither does she. Sounds like she might be exploring other options but wants to keep you interested incase it doesn't pan out.

 

I'll tell you something about girls. When they really like a guy, they drop almost anything to spend time with him - especially when it's new and exciting.

 

If some guy I even liked a LITTLE asked me to go for a plane ride date I would be ALL OVER it as soon as I had a free few hours.

 

I think you need time away from her. If she is interested she will be back asking YOU to hang out.

[Lost-n-confused]

So I guess shes still on the back burner till I get some more convincing proof that she wants me to ask her out again. If she calls me a week from now and chats again do I just do chat and try to keep it short? How should I act when she calls? Excited? Bored? Should I act like im not interested anymore?

[Krytie TV]

She's unavailable. Just let it go unless you like inviting drama.

[Lost-n-confused]

Anyone else have an opinion?