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Should i continue seeing him?


purplehouse

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Hi, i have read these forums for a while and decided to join today. i have a question...about a guy. surprise surprise!

 

 

So We have been 'seeing' each other for about 4 weeks. We knew each other for 1 year before hand but were both in relationships so we always kept our attraction to ourselves. We both came out of said relationships (miserable ones) about 2 months ago. After we both became single we very slowly let things progress naturally and just started hanging out to chat etc.

 

I brought up the fact i was concerned it would be a 'rebound' thing, but he said he hopes it isn't. We have liked each other for a while and both want to spend time together.

 

In fact the last month we have been spending a lot of time together. It's always wonderful and we are very comfortable and natural around each other.

 

He is very affectionate, hugs and kisses me in public.

 

Anyway about 2 weeks ago i said that i was concerned that i would get hurt if i became attached. Because at this stage he is not ready for a relationship. Now of course i understand it is very soon, but i meant later down the track. He does not miss his ex, he ended it as they were not right together. So it is not as though he is heartbroken.

 

I understand he is adjusting to single life after being with someone and i honestly do not require a 'label'. But i am already becoming somewhat attached to him ( he said he also is to me). What if in 2 or 3 months he decides he is not interested anymore?? I would be quite sad i think and am not sure i want to go through the rejection.

 

He has said he could see me as 'his girl' and that he has been attracted to me from day one and always knew i was his type of girl.

 

he texts every day, even with kisses (xxxx) in them. We go shopping together, spend the night cuddling until 4 am. He does night shift and comes over after work just so he can see me. (No pressure for sex, he is quite content lying with me talking)

 

 

I asked him if we were able to see other people seeing as we are not a couple and he made it clear he has no interest in other girls, but if i wanted to see other people he would not be able to spend nights cuddling any more.

 

He wants to plan an a little road trip together (something we both want to do)

 

Basically he treats me like his GF but won't make it a relationship. I am so confused. He has reassured me he is not after sex and gets really concerned if i think he just wants me as his 'play thing'. He said he loves spending time with me and that that is the last thing he would want me to be thinking.

 

Anyway should i continue on with this even though he can't promise me anything at this stage. It seems odd considering how much we like eachother.

 

i just don't want to get hurt....

 

thanks for reading

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SincereOnlineGuy

I think you need to 'stop it' (your train of thought) this minute.

 

 

At the very worst, you and he are two people, each in the same 'spot' in the social world, both wanting to convince yourselves that you can continue to avail yourselves to the possibility that successful romance will come along (soon enough to warrant your continued efforts at availing yourselves to that possibility).

 

You are comfortable with one another, and from the outside looking in (according to what you have shared) it appears that you're on a pleasant path toward potential success.

 

Add to that the fact that neither of you was unfair/untrue to your past partner in pursuing the other while in the throes of the previous relationship, and you have a reasonably good foundation.

 

Better from your standpoint that HE was the one who broke it off with his former partner, than it would be if she had broken it off with him.

 

You seem to have a lot going for you at this stage, and you are certainly parallel to where others who have been dating one another for a month might hope to be.

 

Your biggest concern is "getting all up in your head" about this so soon.

 

When you reach a point where you really feel troubled, or simply wanting to express yourself, then just take the initiative to spell your feelings out right in front of his eyes. Be honest and clear when that time comes, and in the present just keep (daydreaming) of promising yourself that you'll be clear and communicative enough to do that in the future.

 

Right now it sounds like everything is pretty good for you. Count your blessings.

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thankyou for your reply. Yes i suppose i am losing m head over this a little, i am happy to continue with him like this because i do really like him. I guess i get worried and wonder if a guy would go to all this trouble just to have sex.

 

I did ask if he wanted a FWB type of thing, but he was absolutely against that.(I didn't want one, i was just asking him to see if it was what he wanted)

He also has said he has strong feelings for me that he finds a little scary...

 

I know it all looks good, i am just really scared of getting hurt. I thought i should let it go before i like him even more after he said he couldn't promise anything.

 

I guess that is the risk we take though??

 

thanks again, will take your advice :)

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I think with this guy, he's worth the risk :)

 

Ofcourse there are no gurantees, but he seems sincere. I think as long as you take things slowly and DO NOT have sex with him until you two have been officially bf/gf for awhile, then I think you will be good :).

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Boundary Problem

at this stage he is not ready for a relationship.

 

I understand he is adjusting to single life after being with someone

 

Basically he treats me like his GF but won't make it a relationship.

 

 

Protect your heart. He hasn't proven his commitment. If I were you, I would keep seeing him, but pull back. Stop with the overnights, but keep going on dates kind of thing.

 

I feel like he is declining other options, rather than deliberately choosing you due to his continuing adjustment to single life.

 

My tried and true test is tell them about a serious problem I have and see what their reaction is.

 

If he has a supportive reaction, then he is ready to get back into a relationship. If he has any other kind of reaction - he isn't worth your time.

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SincereOnlineGuy
i am just really scared of getting hurt. I thought i should let it go before i like him even more after he said he couldn't promise anything.

 

I guess that is the risk we take though??

 

 

I think that is just the action (not?) taken by those who are deeply troubled within themselves.

 

And yes, there are "risks"... as you invest your emotions and feelings in one special person... but those are the sorts of risks which MUST be present in order to know and feel the best possible rewards to come from a relationship.

 

Stay on the steady course toward at least finding out what is behind the door up ahead.

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Purplehouse,

I was in a relationship with a man like this for two years. We just broke up last week. He too worked crazy hours that only allotted time for us to eat a late dinner, watch a little tv, "make love" as he like to call it and cuddle til 4am. My situation was a little different because he gave me a title of girlfriend but I couldn't expect anything more from him because he always used work as an excuse. When I complained he always seemed very sorry and promised things would get better. He asked me to stand by him through this rough time and his odd working hours. I stood by him for two years and nothing ever changed. Whenever I wanted to breakup he would do a little something extra to keep me around. He always said he liked to take things in a relationship sloooow. Thats what brings me to this forum. My heart is broken and I was searching the net for slow progressing relationships to see if anyone had gone through this. Your only 1 month into this mess. Your instincts are telling you that something is wrong. Follow your instincts. If your from NJ, I may be that EX he keeps talking about.;)

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