dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 (edited) So I'm kind of guilty of this. I left my profile up the last month and a half even though I wasn't ready for the dating scene. But I didn't reply or email anyone. Then lately I've been feeling up to date again, but no one really struck my interest much. Then I get an email from this guy. Read his profile... had some conversation with him. I (stupidly?) asked him what brought him to the site. I've been asking this since I started getting back on there last summer due to running into married men who want their cake and to eat it too. He mentioned he was recently dating his best friend (been friends with for 6 years). And after a few months of dating they broke it off and decided to be friends. However, he admitted that it was a bit of a bitter feeling because a week later she decided to start seeing another guy, after he had moved to be closer to her. He said he was over it though. So, since I don't like lots and lots of conversation before meeting, I straight up asked him if he'd be interested in grabbing a drink or something. He told me he's down but should probably give him a few weeks to work through some stuff. To be fair to me and to be fair to him. Then proceeded to ask me about something else. I appreciate his honesty, I do. And I'm glad he's not jumping on the date and me being some rebound something or another. But why claim to be over it if you're not? Why email me first if you're not ready to date? Maybe he just lost interest after conversation, or something. Edited November 9, 2009 by dreamergrl Link to post Share on other sites
bbf Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 For validation and loneliness. Link to post Share on other sites
SierraRose Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I am a single mother and I tried the dating website angle. It is scary. I had an experience similar to yours. I was talking to what seemed to be a really nice guy. Single dad, owned a business, sence of humor and right on the money with call backs, etc. I was impressed. We talked on the phone for about a week and a half and set a date to go out. He called me everyday, up until the night before we were supposed to meet. He went M.I.A. I finally left him a message the following day, saying "I was under the assumption we were meeting tonight. If you can't meet, or changed your mind for whatever reason I would at least appreciate a callback to let me know." He did call back and said he wasn't ready to date. I looked at a dating website as a positive opportunity. My experiences have been unsuccessful. Most of the men I have met have had MAJOR issues, drama or simply lacked social skills, period. Let's not forget the married men, posing as single and available (I sleep on the couch and we don't have sex.) It has been very disheartening. I think I will stick to the "old fashioned way"--supermarket, park or a friend-of-a-friend kinda thing. Link to post Share on other sites
stepka Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Well I guess I was guilty of that--I posted before I was ready to date, but I never stood anyone up or went MIA--that's just rude or an excuse. I did it because I was married for half my life and had no idea if I was still attractive and was curious if I was. I'm still confused on that issue though so have decided not to worry about it til I'm ready to date. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I truly believe that anyone who says "Im not ready" after being current on their profile and emails, clearly lost interested. They are just too chicken to say, "well I had a lil good conversation with you, but someone who better fits me just popped up and is going to meet up with me." Cmon DG, youve been here long enough, you know this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 loneliness. and sometimes to soothe the hurt from the previous breakup.. and DG.. your guy.. it isn't that he isn't ready to date.. it is that he is still involved somehow with someone right now and he didn't tell you the whole truth about it all.. I mean what kind of idiot gets online and starts having good conversation with someone then says I need a few weeks before we meet ? hahaha.. maybe the kind that still has a woman at home or is still attached at that moment.. Sorry.. I don't buy the I'm not emotionally ready to date you .. give me a few weeks line Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 It's more about reading the flags.. that is a red flag DG.. Next him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 (edited) Well whether he lost interest or it's a red flag, it's definitely next worthy. I was polite about it, and say that's cool. And yet he still made conversation. He was all saying... "It comes in waves" about being over her. That he is tired of that group of friends yada yada. Wants to get out and meet new people. Art... he moved closer to the girl, but not in with her. Assuming he's being honest about that. I do get the feeling though he has some hang ups about it. Oh well Edited November 9, 2009 by dreamergrl Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 I mean what kind of idiot gets online and starts having good conversation with someone then says I need a few weeks before we meet ? Maybe the same kind that get online, talk, and then say .. "It doesn't bother you that I'm married does it?" Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I don't get that. If you aren't ready, why not say so from the off? It's like going on a date with a guy, then finding out that actually they are still crazy about the ex. Happened once, I really liked this guy, we had kissed and everything (well not everything) then a week later, I'm sorry, sorting things out with an ex of mine. Eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 I don't get that. If you aren't ready, why not say so from the off? It's like going on a date with a guy, then finding out that actually they are still crazy about the ex. Happened once, I really liked this guy, we had kissed and everything (well not everything) then a week later, I'm sorry, sorting things out with an ex of mine. Eh? Right! Honestly, I don't get the feeling he started talking to someone else. I'm leaning towards he's still hung up on the ex. And what a weird situation.. friends with a girl for years upon years... date them for a few months... and bam.. then what? I've also been that girl... goes out with guy.. guy goes back to ex. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Sucks doesn't it? I can't get how its hard to stay out of the dating game until you are fully ready. Why bring others into the mess? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Sucks doesn't it? I can't get how its hard to stay out of the dating game until you are fully ready. Why bring others into the mess? And then carry on conversation after saying they aren't ready (in so many words). Supposedly the girl has a new guy... blah blah blah. I mean, after hearing the story, I straight out said.. so you're not looking to date so much, just meet new people. He was all noooo I'm over it. Then it comes in waves Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Perhaps he's trying to convince himself (in a seemingly less than successful way) that he is ready to move on. After all, if he is ready move on, maybe having recently broken up with his ex wouldn't hurt anymore. Then he'd be free to see someone else, and not be lonely (something he probably won't admit to himself either) anymore. My take on it is that he probably wants to be ready to move on enough that he actually believes he is, and then something reminds him that he isn't and it throws him for a loop. Mental acrobatics. I would not wait, but that he just needs a couple weeks might be true. It might also be true that he needs longer. He's not exactly in the prime position to assess the situation logically, instead of emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Silly man. He should wait until it isn't coming at all, then try again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Silly man. He should wait until it isn't coming at all, then try again. Like the tides are no longer coming in Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Lol yeah. Wait until that sea has dried up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Lol yeah. Wait until that sea has dried up! Someone part the sea Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Where's moses when you need the guy? Useless biblical creature, unreliable or what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Where's moses when you need the guy? Useless biblical creature, unreliable or what? Maybe we could get on Noah's Ark and sail away from the flood? Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Yeah we should, just sail away, and leave them in the flood to drown. The drains can have it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Yeah we should, just sail away, and leave them in the flood to drown. The drains can have it! Suddenly that song from Styx popped into my head If the guy asks me out, I'm going to want to say yes, for some odd strange dumb reason. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Why not? I suppose it can do no harm, but bear in mind, he will have loads of baggage. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Some do it for the ego boost. Some people just aren't 100% sure of themselves yet. Most are just lonely. You get all sorts. It sucks to be strung along though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Why not? I suppose it can do no harm, but bear in mind, he will have loads of baggage. I wonder why so much baggage from a 2 month thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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