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In love with Man 10 yrs Sr. Should I move on?

artchick88

By artchick88,
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artchick88

artchick88

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This summer i fell in love with a man who is 10 years older than I am (I am 21, he is 31.) We worked at a camp together. We slept together a few times toward the end of the summer. I am really really in love with this man. I have never felt this way for anyone before and am convinced he is the perfect person for me.

 

Anyway, at the end of the summer we went our separate ways. He lives in Northern Ca and I live in Southern Ca. In addition to that he expressed to me that he was definitely attracted to me but that we were in really different stages of our lives and that outside of camp that difference would be too large. I understand it, he's an established professional and I'm still in school.

 

I found out through a friend that he started seeing a girl that he was seeing before summer started again and then the worst thing happened.

I went to go see this friend and so did some other friends, him being one of them. Neither of us knowing the other was coming, he brought this girl. He was very nice to me but it was obvious he was seeing her.

 

Well, about 8 weeks have passed and I'm still not over him. Then, he randomly sent me an email apologizing for the situation and I told him I understood that it was just a strange circumstance. (messages were very brief on both ends)

 

Anyway I'm totally in love with him but I won't contact him. I don't want to ruin any chance of being with him in the future by saying anything I'll regret (e.g. I'm in love with you)

 

Do you think it's possible for us to be together in the future? Maybe when I'm a couple years older? Or does his lack of contact with me indicate he only wanted sex? Is it possible for him to have feelings for me but to be preoccupied with his current life and possibly nervous to acknowledge any feelings for me since I am so much younger and he feels guilty/weird about it? I think if I feel such an intense (and REAL) draw to him, chances are there's something intense on both ends.

 

Anything will help. Stories, advice, experiences.. anything! Thank you.

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aerogurl87

aerogurl87

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This summer i fell in love with a man who is 10 years older than I am (I am 21, he is 31.) We worked at a camp together. We slept together a few times toward the end of the summer. I am really really in love with this man. I have never felt this way for anyone before and am convinced he is the perfect person for me.

 

Anyway, at the end of the summer we went our separate ways. He lives in Northern Ca and I live in Southern Ca. In addition to that he expressed to me that he was definitely attracted to me but that we were in really different stages of our lives and that outside of camp that difference would be too large. I understand it, he's an established professional and I'm still in school.

 

I found out through a friend that he started seeing a girl that he was seeing before summer started again and then the worst thing happened.

I went to go see this friend and so did some other friends, him being one of them. Neither of us knowing the other was coming, he brought this girl. He was very nice to me but it was obvious he was seeing her.

 

Well, about 8 weeks have passed and I'm still not over him. Then, he randomly sent me an email apologizing for the situation and I told him I understood that it was just a strange circumstance. (messages were very brief on both ends)

 

Anyway I'm totally in love with him but I won't contact him. I don't want to ruin any chance of being with him in the future by saying anything I'll regret (e.g. I'm in love with you)

 

Do you think it's possible for us to be together in the future? Maybe when I'm a couple years older? Or does his lack of contact with me indicate he only wanted sex? Is it possible for him to have feelings for me but to be preoccupied with his current life and possibly nervous to acknowledge any feelings for me since I am so much younger and he feels guilty/weird about it? I think if I feel such an intense (and REAL) draw to him, chances are there's something intense on both ends.

 

Anything will help. Stories, advice, experiences.. anything! Thank you.

 

Well I think relationships between people with a 10+ year age difference is possible (I'm in one :p) but this was a summer fling, enough said.

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SoulSearch_CO

SoulSearch_CO

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You got great responses in the other thread about why he's a loser. He used you while you guys were at camp together to get in your pants. He had been seeing somebody before the summer and magically after summer was up, he was back with her. :confused: You were his hot summer fling, that's it. He's a total dick. Artchick, I know it's really hard to see being the first guy to do this to you, but as you get older you'll see the wolf in sheep's clothing. I share my opinion based on my experience with men. And this guy is a classic case of loser. I know it's not easy to hear, but I'm telling you - give it a few years and a little more dating experience and you'll look back thinking, "WTF was I doing??" I say this only because I've been in your shoes - not out of some sense of self-righteousness. I've paid the price and had the broken heart. If I could possibly save another woman from having to feel it, I would.

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GroupFitness

GroupFitness

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You have to realize that there is nothing you can do in this situation. He made his decision and his choice and he was honest with you about why you can't be together. No amount of analyzing but you or us will change that. No one can predict what is or is not possible in the future especially with matters of the heart. You have no idea if a year from now, you won't even remember this guy's name. I can't count on one finger how many men, at 21, 22, that I thought were "it" for me. Most of them, I don't even remember anymore.

 

You will just have to let it go and with time you will get over him. It's really not more complicated than that.

 

Good luck.

 

and p.s. the fact that you feel an intense and real draw to him doesn't mean jack sh*t when it comes to how he feels. Your feelings don't predict someone else's feelings.

Edited by GroupFitness
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jamtree

jamtree

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I'm married to a man that is 12yrs older then me..I'm 37 and he is 49. The age difference shouldn't mean anything, If you love him and he loves you then that's what's important not age differences.

I'm sensing, it was just summer fling myself, that basically he needed some female attention while away. Not to say he doesn't like you or care for you, but if he hasn't stated so, I wouldn't stay focused on him, your young you should be out there having fun.

What is meant to be is meant to be.

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tigressA

tigressA

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If he really wanted to be with you, he would've told you he wanted to be with you. Nothing would've kept him away from you; he would've been in consistent contact with you. But he isn't, so he doesn't want to, period. It's really hard, I know--like SoulSearchCO said, a lot of us have been where you are and find the reality of the situation very painful to hear, but it has to be heard and acknowledged. This guy never saw you as more than a fling, and there's nothing you can do to make him want you to be his girlfriend.

 

and p.s. the fact that you feel an intense and real draw to him doesn't mean jack sh*t when it comes to how he feels. Your feelings don't predict someone else's feelings.

 

Precisely. Yours is an unrequited love. He doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Once you get over him you'll eventually find someone else to love who will actually love you back.

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