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Time to jump ship or stay anchored to the shipwreck?


gybe8431

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So we've been going out for six months now. In the beginning, everything was great. Saw each other tons, family approved of me,good sex life etc.. All of that changed when she got laid-off. She took a job working the graveyard shift and started school shortly after. She works from 11pm to 7am and goes straight to class untill 1pm, then goes back to work at 11. She does that three times a week, Mondays and Tuesdays are back to back. Very tough schedule. We very quickly went from inseparable to seeing each other a few hours at most on the weekends, after she gets off work. This has been going on for nearly three months now.

 

We've been growing further and further apart. Our meetups have been less frequent. We see each other maybe once every two or three weeks now. Once, a month had passed since we saw each other. Love life is non-existent. She hates to talk on the phone since she works at a call center. We hardly text either and when we do it's always me that initiates the convo and I have a 50/50 chance at best of getting a reply.

 

A part of me is trying really hard to be patient and respect her schedule, and what she goes through and hopes things will get better. The other part is tired of getting strung along week after week, wondering if we'll see each other and with very little to show for it.

 

It seems that she is either at work, in class, or recovering from the latter. She's been struggling with the new job and school since day one. We didn't see each other this past weekend because as she puts it, passed out Friday night on her day off and didn't wake up until Sunday night for work. She didn't even bother to tell me a thing until I texted to her last night: "Your S.O. is lonely and feels neglected..."

 

I wonder sometimes if she really does not have time for us. Or if she's putting forth much effort. If she is, I'm not feeling it.

 

So, I'm contemplating options at this point. My needs and wants are not being fulfilled under current circumstances. I'm considering putting our relationship on hold for a while. Take things down a notch -be friends?

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you won't know until you ask her.

 

This is like how it is with my BF. Been with him 4 yrs and we went from hanging out 3-4 x a week to 3-4 times a month.

He has his kids, now is in AA every night, has hockey and barely has time for me.

It's not a relationship, it's a hang out friend at this point.

 

There is nothing you can do but leave or live with it

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I say... back off.. give her space.

 

Bottom line.. she is not giving you what you want and need out of the R... right? Don't stand on the sideline and let time pass you by. I understand that there are feelings involved.. however, you have to draw the line somewhere, if you are putting up the work, then you should see reward, which you aren't.

 

She needs to be honest with you. You should ask her about where she sees things.. and how you fit into her life?

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Thanks for the replies. Should I tell her how I feel and give it a little more time? I'm already inclined to give her "the talk" the next time I see her. I think I already know the answer bc this isn't the first time I've brought it up.

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Why put off for tomorrow, what you can do today?

 

Don't wait. You are going to put yourself through torture, that is much unnecessary.

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Woah, her schedule reminded me of mine for a period of 3 months last year. I took on a significantly higher paying job in exchange for working these hours.

 

It was horrible. I barely have time for her during that period(anyway she left but not because of this). Was often too tired to do anything else. My wake up call was one evening when I finally woke up, I saw her coming back to the house and asked her how's she been and what did she do today? She went to watch a movie alone! I was heartbroken, and immediately promised myself and her that I will do whatever I can to get back a normal day job and found 1 back shortly after.

 

Bottom-line is, you must let her know of your unhappiness. If she bothers enough, she will do something about it. If not, then you know it's time to move on right? Anyway, if she is trying, pls make sure you are there to support.

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I had pretty much made up my mind that I will end the relationship.

 

This afternoon, I found the lynch pin that makes my decision final.

 

She pretty much uses the same description for herself on all her social networking sites. You can copy/paste a line from it on google and find her old profiles, its funny. This afternoon, I was in the mood for snooping. Nothing malicious, I just missed her. I did just that and found she made a profile on a dating site - the same one we met on. Her status shows her as single and looking for talk/email.

 

Time for an exit strategy...

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Exit strategy? DO you really need one? Spare yourself the time and effort and just tell her you know that she is on a dating site. Tell her that she has hurt you and you can't be with someone who cannot be honest and truthful with you.

 

The strategy? Honesty is the best policy..

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I see what you're saying. The more I think about it the more it rips me up. What makes it worse is not knowing when I'll be able to tell her face to face. She never answers her phone nor returns my messages. Text message is out of the question....

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  • 4 weeks later...
So we've been going out for six months now. In the beginning, everything was great. Saw each other tons, family approved of me,good sex life etc.. All of that changed when she got laid-off. She took a job working the graveyard shift and started school shortly after. She works from 11pm to 7am and goes straight to class untill 1pm, then goes back to work at 11. She does that three times a week, Mondays and Tuesdays are back to back. Very tough schedule. We very quickly went from inseparable to seeing each other a few hours at most on the weekends, after she gets off work. This has been going on for nearly three months now.

 

We've been growing further and further apart. Our meetups have been less frequent. We see each other maybe once every two or three weeks now. Once, a month had passed since we saw each other. Love life is non-existent. She hates to talk on the phone since she works at a call center. We hardly text either and when we do it's always me that initiates the convo and I have a 50/50 chance at best of getting a reply.

 

A part of me is trying really hard to be patient and respect her schedule, and what she goes through and hopes things will get better. The other part is tired of getting strung along week after week, wondering if we'll see each other and with very little to show for it.

 

It seems that she is either at work, in class, or recovering from the latter. She's been struggling with the new job and school since day one. We didn't see each other this past weekend because as she puts it, passed out Friday night on her day off and didn't wake up until Sunday night for work. She didn't even bother to tell me a thing until I texted to her last night: "Your S.O. is lonely and feels neglected..."

 

I wonder sometimes if she really does not have time for us. Or if she's putting forth much effort. If she is, I'm not feeling it.

 

So, I'm contemplating options at this point. My needs and wants are not being fulfilled under current circumstances. I'm considering putting our relationship on hold for a while. Take things down a notch -be friends?

 

Dude... it's already over. Move on.

 

I had pretty much made up my mind that I will end the relationship.

 

This afternoon, I found the lynch pin that makes my decision final.

 

She pretty much uses the same description for herself on all her social networking sites. You can copy/paste a line from it on google and find her old profiles, its funny. This afternoon, I was in the mood for snooping. Nothing malicious, I just missed her. I did just that and found she made a profile on a dating site - the same one we met on. Her status shows her as single and looking for talk/email.

 

Time for an exit strategy...

 

Send her a message through the dating site that says...

 

"We are through."

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I see what you're saying. The more I think about it the more it rips me up. What makes it worse is not knowing when I'll be able to tell her face to face. She never answers her phone nor returns my messages. Text message is out of the question....

 

Why face-to-face?

Why at all?

She's online dateing without even telling you.

 

Her lack of comunication makes it easy to just move on.

Unless you are into drama and want to confront her.

 

eventually she will notice you arn't contacting her & call you.

Tell her your out with your new GF & wish her luck with the online dateing. LOL!

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