Jump to content

Hi! new here,need g/f advice PLEASE!!!


Billy Dee

Recommended Posts

Hi I'm new here and I've been having problems with my girlfriend of 4 months lately. I'm 22 and she's 19, we met through my sister. I just want to give a little background on us.

 

This is her first serious relationship and I'm her first love and first lover. I am deeply in love with her so much that all I want to do is see her happy. we spend everynight together( I pick her up after I get off work at 11pm) My mom has just gotten used to my baby being with me all the time, but her mom doesn't know were together. Her mom didn't want her dating since she's graduating highschool in a couple months. Also she doesn't want her dating me since i was writing my sweetheart some deep poetry everyday and she was showing it to her mom and her mom thought it was getting seroius and that she shouldn't have a serios boyfriend. So I can't call her house( although i had in the past and was told it's not her's it her grandparents) I've never met her mom or brother, and have never seen the inside of it.It still bothers me a bit, but i'm ok with it and trust my girlfriends judgement.

 

I am always thinking of her and doing things for her to show her i care, if i'm at the store I'll pick her up a stuffed kittycat(her fav animal) or a card, or a rose...something to say I was thinking of you. Today I sent a dozen roses tobe delivered to her at school today. We write each other letters and draw pictures practically everyday as well. weekends we go to the beach to pick up seashells or go and walk in the local nature park. sometimes when its warm after I get off of work I take her to the local swing set and we just swing and talk. I love her and would like to do oh so much more but she never wants to.she won't let me take her to dinner or out dancing. I am proud to have her on my arm. She never wants to goto the movies or the mall, and she used to before me so I'm mystified.

 

Lately she has been saying when I tell her I love her, that I don't. which tears me up on the inside. If i ask her about it she says she knows I love her, and she being a punk, or that she feels that sometimes I don't. Which is ABSOULTLY NOT TRUE, I tell her and treat her and show her love and respect all the time, even when we get into a stupid B.S. fight i never fight back and I tell her I'm sorry and that i love her( i have never raised my voice with her or insulted her ever)when we fight the love I have for her makes me unable to get mad, I feel sad that shes stressed out and let her calm down. then she says how can I love her when she acts like that? I tell her with all my heart.

 

She hated my friends so I dropped them(as I would rather spend all my time with her anyways) I know she needs her space and don't have any problems with her spending a girls night out. Lately she'll tell me to pick her up at a certian time and then be late. one it was 5pm and she didn't come till 5:30 last night it was 11pm and she didn't come till 11:25. I think she's pushing me around a little. Or she's always quick to tell me how she needs no help and will spend more time trying to do something then let me help. Like with her jewelry or I open the car door for her and she'll say don't that she can on her own.

 

Another problem is that a month ago at my job(a motel) we hired a new girl and then fired her a few weeks later. I trained her for 3 days, and my girlfriend called when the new girl was there. In training I showed the new girl pic of my girlfriend so that she'd know that I am happily attached, I told my girlfriend all about it and how the new girl thought my lady is cute. Then a week later my cable got shut off and i didn't want my babe to miss her show So i took her to the motel and got a room so we could watch it. the whole time i got the silent treatment, and for almost the rest of the night after we left. It turns out my baby saw the new girl was cute and got extremely jealous. so now all i hear is how I love that girl and I how I want her.

 

I have eyes for only my love, to me all other women are unable to compete with my baby in beauty. I told her I'd quit my job, but then the new girl got fired. I'm still going to quit as i don't want to hear that again. But the thing is my sweety gets all upset and accuses me of lust when its not there.

 

What do I do, I love my sweetheart so much. And it hurts to see her get upset and it really hurts when she goes off on how I don't love her and I want the other girl, and my love is going to fade.. and on and on.

 

But the other day she got a note from a guy in one of her classes,(that said he likes her and wants to date her, and that shes the reason he goes to school) which she showed me and then she wouldn't stop reading it and looking at it until finally I got upset and told her that I would tear it up and that how would she feel, and what would she say, So she hit me with a smartass comment of, she'd say go be happy since I don't love her.

 

When I walked out of the bathroom she was like no come back. To her its all a big joke and she laughs about it. to me its not, and I can't make her understand. I need help and advice.... PLEASE WE LOVE EACH OTHER. THIS I KNOW.

 

sorry about the long post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why would you show her mom some poetry that you wrote about her daughter? That's kinda strange.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

sorry i just edited, I would never, she did. Her and her mom have a girlfriend relationship/ friendship. her mom tells her about her boyfriends and my babe tells...told her about me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Firstly Billy Dee I gotta tell you, you seem like a nice guy and it's clear you worship the ground this young lady walks on so not a lot anyone is going to say will change how you feel about her but you might need to try and change the balance of your relationship - what I mean by that is that it looks as though you're doing all the giving and she's getting annoyed and bored with all the taking.

 

You call her your 'baby' and even though some can be very mature at 19 your girl seems pretty immature and that is putting a strain on you and her both.

 

You say "she won't let me take her to dinner or out dancing. I am proud to have her on my arm. She never wants to go to the movies or the mall, and she used to before me .." Do you think maybe she doesn't want her friends to see you together? You already said she hasn't told her mom. Seems although you say she 'loves you', she's not proud to be seen with you - why? because she doesn't respect you.

 

You seem to be leaning over backwards to express your love for her - what is she doing to prove she's worth it? For example although there is absolutely nothing wrong in apologising when you have done something wrong, do you really think you'll gain her respect and love by letting her win every argument? She hated your friends so you dropped them huh? Has she put you before her friends and family? Do you think it gained her respect knowing that she has that kind of power over you?

 

She is not treating you with respect and believe me, respect is necessary in order to love. If she doesn't respect you sooner or later she'll go find someone she can.

 

Your 'sweetheart' throws jealous tantrums, treats you cruely (deliberately trying to make you feel jealous and insecure), and laughs at your pain because she's too obtuse, cruel or immature to see what she's doing. She takes you for granted and generally behaves like a baby. That's okay, she is one but how do you handle a baby? Well, with most children they only feel secure when they know what their limits are - don't let her get away with murder because she won't be happy and love you more when she does. Actually she will end up going for someone that worships her a little less and commands a little more respect. So stand up for yourself, tell her when she's out of line and stop being such a doormat and wait - who knows your 'baby' might grow up.

 

R.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Hey I want to say thank you for your advice, I guess I just let her roll right over me.I don't know where to even begin In standing up with her... But I'll try! I DON"T WANT TO LOSE HER!!! any further advice would be appreicated greatly.

 

 

thanks again

Billy

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...