one of the many Posted March 17, 2003 Share Posted March 17, 2003 Hi, really hope someone out there can help. I've been seeing my girlfriend for about 5 months now (to complicate things we work very closely together 5 days a week). When we got together she was getting over another guy so we took things very slowly. Things got good then this guy got back In touch with her and things started to go wrong. She has only just succeeded in sorting out how she feels about him and me, deciding that she could never have a relationship with him and really wants to be with me. She has slowly got more and more distant since making this decision culminating in her saying she wants some space to herself and time to think over things and we should be less serious while that is happening. The only problem is that I get the feeling that if I'm completely cool with her she will get the idea that I really don’t care at all (this almost happened over the weekend when I changed the time of a date in advance but made it clear the entire time that I still wanted to see her). Whereas if I'm too 'all over her' she is going to be completely overwhelmed and never be able to sort out whatever she is going through. If anyone has any ideas on how I can show that I'm still very interested (I definitely am!) without being over the top I'd love to hear them. There is lots more detail about this situation, feel free to ask for any info that you feel would help provide advice. I'm completely lost. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 17, 2003 Share Posted March 17, 2003 This lady needs some time to heal from the previous relationship. You need to talk to her and get a clear understanding of what's going on. Not only should you diminish the amount of time you spend with her but you shouldn't spend any time with her at all given the feelings you have. She needs time alone. Then again, I don't buy that she has resolved her feelings for her ex. If she was really into you she wouldn't necessarily need this space. She may want to get back with her ex and if you really care for her you will give her the space to do that. Stay away from her except to say hello at work. Tell her when she feels she wants to date again, to let you know. Meanwhile, go find a honey who doesn't have so many head problems and baggage. They are out there and they are wonderful!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author one of the many Posted March 17, 2003 Author Share Posted March 17, 2003 thought that would be the response, it is more complicated than my original post appears but I think your response is still completely valid. I'm just looking for a way to give her space without giving up on what was, at one point not so long ago, so good. but i think you are right and, the way I feel, I can either mess things up completely or just give her the space that she needs the only bit that i'm uncertain about is her response which seems to call me back when I get too distant. i'm far more clear as to what I should do though. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 17, 2003 Share Posted March 17, 2003 YOU WRITE: "the only bit that i'm uncertain about is her response which seems to call me back when I get too distant." This is a natural response of all living things. People can't handle rejection. Elizabeth Smart still misses the guy that kidnapped her. Don't even buy into that crap. When you become too distant, she fears she will not be able to keep you on a string. You are a stand-by...third string reserve. I promise one day, when her head is on straight, she'll make you a free agent if you're still around. I'm shocked that you don't understand this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
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