Nagini Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Ive been dating a guy long distance for several months. Friends before that when I had a bf. Im very frustrated because each time I think we're getting closer, he remains neutral. This weekend I took him to dinner for his birthday with his sister. Im out of work right now and super stressed BUT still as nice and split th ebill with his sister for our 400 dollar dinner. Also got him a special gift. I thought the weekend went well. Had brunch the next day with his sister and then met his parents in the afternoon. He was very sweet kissing me goodbye and I thought this weekend meant something. Well I got home and checked his match.com username. He was on it last night and now today he has been on it again. This really bothers me. And when i mention it, he claims that even though he adds photos, changes his headline that it's just to entertain himself. I call BS. Very bad red flag ? Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Ive been dating a guy long distance for several months. Friends before that when I had a bf. Im very frustrated because each time I think we're getting closer, he remains neutral. This weekend I took him to dinner for his birthday with his sister. Im out of work right now and super stressed BUT still as nice and split th ebill with his sister for our 400 dollar dinner. Also got him a special gift. I thought the weekend went well. Had brunch the next day with his sister and then met his parents in the afternoon. He was very sweet kissing me goodbye and I thought this weekend meant something. Well I got home and checked his match.com username. He was on it last night and now today he has been on it again. This really bothers me. And when i mention it, he claims that even though he adds photos, changes his headline that it's just to entertain himself. I call BS. Very bad red flag ? If you aren't exclusive and he's not your boyfriend, you have absolutely no right to complain. Besides which, weren't you the one that made a post about dating another guy in addition to this one? Now that you're only dating him, you're upset that he's still on Match? Please... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nagini Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 If you aren't exclusive and he's not your boyfriend, you have absolutely no right to complain. Besides which, weren't you the one that made a post about dating another guy in addition to this one? Now that you're only dating him, you're upset that he's still on Match? Please... No I had been talking to my ex. Not dating two at same time. I wouldn't be actively looking within 24 hours of a guy taking me to an expensive birthday dinner, getting romantic and meeting my family. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 No I had been talking to my ex. Not dating two at same time. I wouldn't be actively looking within 24 hours of a guy taking me to an expensive birthday dinner, getting romantic and meeting my family. Really? You weren't entertaining prospects with two men in this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t199336/ Just because you spent money doesn't mean that he has any sort of obligation to you. If you're so miffed at this, dump him and cut off all contact with him. That's your only choice in the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Nagini, I think you have commitment issues. not that you won't... That you do, too quickly. And that you think it should be reciprocal. Or you believe it should be immediate. Life isn't like that. I personally think you give too much too soon. And expect the same, hun..... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Nagini - I'm sorry to say this, but I really think most of your love dramas are self-inflicted. You seem to always be far more invested in a dating dynamic than the guy is. This appears to be the on-going issue. You posted about some other guys recently - same thing. You are far more into them, or think more of the dating situation than they do. Pull back, relax, and let the guy pursue you a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 lol wow, i could almost swear you are a clone of that dreamer person with your responses At least I'm not a clone of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nagini Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 Nagini, I think you have commitment issues. not that you won't... That you do, too quickly. And that you think it should be reciprocal. Or you believe it should be immediate. Life isn't like that. I personally think you give too much too soon. And expect the same, hun..... It doesn't feel too quickly, because Ive known him as a friend forever. Plus our dates have been very long. Being ldr, the dates have all bene at least 9-20 hours long. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 It doesn't feel too quickly, because Ive known him as a friend forever. Plus our dates have been very long. Being ldr, the dates have all bene at least 9-20 hours long. LDR assumes a relationship. You're dating. You aren't in a relationship with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nagini Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 Nagini - I'm sorry to say this, but I really think most of your love dramas are self-inflicted. You seem to always be far more invested in a dating dynamic than the guy is. This appears to be the on-going issue. You posted about some other guys recently - same thing. You are far more into them, or think more of the dating situation than they do. Pull back, relax, and let the guy pursue you a bit. This guy is one of the two guys I was recently posting about. He invited me to come see him for his Birthday weekend. The other guy took his exwife to vegas and lied about it, stating he was only with his son. So after a long close weekend with ldr, Im miffed that he his perusing match.com I do agree with your last line, thanks ! Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Im guessing you two arent exclusive, right? If thats the case, what he does when you arent around isnt really any of your business. Maybe he doesnt know how you feel, and wants to keep his options open. I think youre upset because you bought him dinner and expected that it meant more than it did. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 lol wow, i could almost swear you are a clone of that dreamer person with your responses Wow, I could almost swear you are a clone of that AloneAndDepressed / BrownEyedGirl person with your responses. You know... the one that was banned... Link to post Share on other sites
amymarieca Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Wow, I could almost swear you are a clone of that AloneAndDepressed / BrownEyedGirl person with your responses. You know... the one that was banned... Wasn't "BrownEyedGirl" the one who posted pictures of her cha-cha asking everyone if her lips were too big? That was friggin' hilarious! Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 This guy is one of the two guys I was recently posting about. He invited me to come see him for his Birthday weekend. The other guy took his exwife to vegas and lied about it, stating he was only with his son. So after a long close weekend with ldr, Im miffed that he his perusing match.com I do agree with your last line, thanks ! OK, gotcha. Didn't realize that - sorry. Still, it seem that you make the bulk of the efforts. You seem to be more in the active interest role, rather than being receptively interested. Big difference. So yes - the last line. Let a guy pursue you. Then there won't be any concerns over his interest. Link to post Share on other sites
MissViolet Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Hi OP, in my opinion, I don't think how long you've known someone or the amount of time you've been together really dictates how committed he is to you. I think it's has to do with a person's level of attraction, or interest in you, emotionally and physically. I don't think length/time of investment = level of commitment... I hope that makes sense. In my experience, if he's happy with you and what your relationship has to offer, he wouldn't be online seeking entertainment on those sites. Link to post Share on other sites
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