Midnight Magic Posted March 3, 2003 Share Posted March 3, 2003 Lately it seems as though my boyfriend of 5 years and I are so busy with our careers and hobby that we have had no time to even be together. Sure we live together and see each other in the morning and on the drive to work, and then when I get home late in the evening he is asleep. Then on the weekends it is virtually the same thing. How do we make time for each other. It was bad enough before, but we recently purchased a small acreage about 17 miles from the city where we live and we have purchased some livestock and it seems like our work is taken up our life. Yesterday my b/f said that he would make some special quaility time with me before I had to go to work, so we proceeded to go out for breakfast and I was really looking forward to the "two of us" as it has been awhile since we sat down together and actually talked, but when we got to the restaurant there was a man who he knows and he asked him to join us. I was so hurt, that I said to him "thanks for the quaility time together" and I left him without having breakfast. I could not stay because I was crying at the table. Was I being unreasonable. I always make the time for him, why can he not do the same for me. I do everything for him and I get nothing. For Valentines Day and Christmas and his birthday he gets presents and a great cooked meal, and I get nothing, absolutely nothing. Do you blame me for feeling hurt all the time. He can talk to other people women and men all nice, and then we talk it is like it is such a chore for him to do this. He will be talking away to his brothers girlfriend ( this brother also has a wife too and a daughter) and being all interested in her every word, and then when I talk to him, it is like I am wasting his time. Maybe it is time to rethink this relationship.If that is one that you can call a relationship. We sleep in seperate beds because he says that is what he likes, we do have a sex life, there is no problems there, but I can not help but wonder what is left of this relationship, it is as though we are room mates, he does not want to have children or ever get married, maybe he thinks of me as being his maid. Sometimes I feel as though that is all that I am to him. Please tell me what you think. Dont worry about me feeling hurt, because I am feeling hurt all the time...so it does not matter anymore. I can not count the number of nights this past month that I have gone to bed and cried myself to sleep. Please can someone help me to understand what the problem is. I am a great person except for the fact that I am overweight, but he has told me that this is not an issue and I truly believe that. He said that I am a great person who he loves and cares about and that there is no other woman like me, I am the one who has been with him the longest. He has had several other women before me. I just dont know anymore what to do. The last four men that I have had relationships with were physically abusive, maybe I should just start a new life with the dog. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 3, 2003 Share Posted March 3, 2003 You are not being unreasonable and it doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship. If you have communicated your needs to your partner and he has not responded, then I would say you have to depart. If you haven't, you must let him know in very clear terms what you expect out of the relationship with him...and if he can't provide that you'll have to terminate it. Life is very short. There is no need to remain constantly hurt by someone you are very nice to. Just as an aside, maybe you have been too nice...that may have been your problem in previous relationships. People tend to quickly take for granted those who are too nice...and expect much more from them...and expect them not to complain about the abuse. Call it the doormat syndrome. You gotta get this cleared up right away and don't put up with this sort of thing anymore. After reading your post and hearing some of the things he's done to you and around you, I am shocked you are still with him. He certainly doesn't deserve you. I hope you get this resolved quickly. Time is short. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted March 3, 2003 Share Posted March 3, 2003 Seems like your "relationship" is going nowhere because he does not want to be married or have kids. It will never progress, this is as far as you will get. If you are unhappy, you should leave. He doesn't seem to provide you with the attention that you should be getting. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 3, 2003 Share Posted March 3, 2003 the dog sounds like your best bet, because at least it's not afraid to show you it cares for you. You probably are right about him wanting you as a roommate as opposed to a girlfriend, the biggest sign is that he refuses to make time for you. A healthy relationship doesn't include that kind of crap, and you deserve much, much better than what he's offering you. You're prolly going to have to resolve a lot of things (who gets the farm if you split up, etc) but those things are mere trifles compared to being taken advantage of by an uncaring lout like him. Link to post Share on other sites
julia Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 I agree with the others - give up on him. If he doesn't treat you well now, how much worse is it gonna be when he REALLY starts to take you for granted? And that's what happens with time. I think he sounds very selfish and can't put your feelings and desires before his. This is not a guy you should marry anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 By mentioning that you have so much trouble communicating, that shows there are major problems emotionally. If you can't have a pleasant, creative, personal conversation with your man on a regular basis, then you are always going to feel empty and unhappy. You are really living a nightmare. I think you two are just two very different people. I would forgo any further hurt, and yes even the sex and get out and meet people who are like-minded. If he always connects with his buddies better than you, you are always going to feel seriously lonely. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Magic Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 I would like to thank all the great people who responded to my post, it was such great information, I even showed the b/f all the posts and he was shocked. We have decided to work on this relationship, I am giving him another chance to make things right. He is worth that to me. He promised me that we would take more time for each other, and that is exactly what we did this weekend, we went shopping together which he hates, we went out to my favorite restaurnant and then we went to a movie that I picked out, it was almost like we were first dating again. So I was pleased that he made the effort for me. It really meant a lot to me, that he wanted to try and see things my way, and he agreed that I was not being unreasonable in wanting us to be together "just the two of us" sometimes. He also agreed with all the posts, except those that said we should end our relationship. Thanks for making him see the light. You people are the greatest. I do not know you, but I consider you all friends. Thank you all. Life is just too short to not make time for each other, and I know that today everyone lives are so fast paced, we just have to take time out for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
twistedgreen Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 I'm so glad this board made such a difference for you and your boyfriend! when I read your first post, it seemed like your boyfriend was giving you the brush-off and wouldn't want to commit any effort. But if he read these posts and was moved to make a change, maybe he was just blind to what he was doing and now that he's more aware, is really going to make this relationship with you the priorty that you deserve! Link to post Share on other sites
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