mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I assure you I am not going through this right now. As I said I am off the market and hating the fact that all the men around me seem to be incredible nuts and psychos, but I digress ... In the last several weeks, I have reconnected with a lot of old friends through Facebook. Just the other night, a gal who I was friends with in college and I had a long chat about what we'd been up to since those days. She just got married recently, having been with her bf / now husband for seven years. She then unveiled that SHE asked HIM to marry her. They had been living together for the last six years, she sounds based on the description that she is the Sugar Momma, and she asked him. He said yes and now they are married. This also brings to mind another situation from years ago. A childhood friend of mine (who is no longer my friend) chased guys with an almost animallike ferocity. Long story short, she moved in with him after knowing him for less than six months. She put a demand on him, that if they were not engaged to be married within six months of her living with him then she was moving back home with her parents. Six months had come and gone by the time I came for a visit, she DEMANDED the ring. And that deserves to be in all capital letters. Cross her and she would break your valuables if she didn't get her way. So he gave it to her. Then she demanded that they marry. Which they did. It is now ten years later, and I do not believe that he is married to her anymore. I guess after getting you balls cut off and handed to you on a plate for your time and effort you loose interest. I am actually a very traditional person at heart. I have always believed that the man should ask the woman out, and especially to MARRY them. I wonder what kind of a man would say yes to something like that? Really, I mean can someone give any insight? These guys sound like wimps, both in different ways. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 You're being a bit sexist aren't you? You're assuming that a woman who doesn't sit and play the waiting game would have to be paired up with a wimpy guy. Not very nice or open minded. If it make a guy a wimp to be the one asked, what does it make a woman who sits ans waits for someone else to make all the decisions? One of your friends does sound like a shrew and her guy was acting like a doormat.....that doesn't mean the other couple have the same dynamic. IME, women ask more than guys, they just word it as though the guy is asking. "When are you planning to propose?" is girl-speak for "will you marry me?" Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I think it's great if a woman can ask a man to marry her. Personally, no freakin' way. I would always wonder if he would have ever asked me, how he would have done it..etc. Plus I'm old school. Gotta ask for my dad's permission and all. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Presuming I was single, I'd be flattered if a woman asked me out. And horrified if she asked me to marry her. The latter is strictly my gig. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Plus I'm old school. Gotta ask for my dad's permission and all. I'm with you. Plus running a gauntlet of her four brothers and assorted cousins, uncles, and thuggish friends. Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I'm with you. Plus running a gauntlet of her four brothers and assorted cousins, uncles, and thuggish friends. My family is Italian. My brother is big and my dad likes to clean his guns..a lot. Good luck to whoever. Glad you made it out alive! Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 My family is Italian. My brother is big and my dad likes to clean his guns..a lot. Good luck to whoever. Glad you made it out alive! Not me, I ran that gauntlet long ago. I was talking about the unfortunate souls who take an interest in my daughters. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 The pressure for a guy to "pass the tests" of the family are ridiculous. Parents, butt out of your kids' dating lives unless you sense danger. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Well, when I was a wee lad (20) the girl I was dating at the time asked me to marry her. There were a couple reasons why I didn't: 1. I thought it odd that a woman would ask a man (I'd rather her have suggested it). 2. I wasn't ready at the time (no way!). 3. I didn't think I could handle her properly (I still had some growing up to do). I never answered her and I guess she took it personally (which I completely understand). It wasn't that I didn't love or care about her. I did but had a hard time expressing it as a 20 year old. It wasn't until I was in my early 30s that I truly started getting a grasp on what real love was. If a woman DEMANDED I marry her and I wasn't ready, that would be the end of the relationship. Period. End of story. If there is one thing I have learned in this life, it's this: If you have to MANIPULATE someone into doing sometime, sooner or later, it's going to FAIL HARD CORE! This includes manipulating them into believing your faith, behaving a certain way, growing up, etc, etc etc. You simply can not control people. Yes, they may make minor adjustments in their behavior to appease you, but that's only while they're still getting their needs met (mostly physical ie: sex). Once the sex dries up or they meet someone they like better (who isn't putting demands on them to change) then they're GONE. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 The pressure for a guy to "pass the tests" of the family are ridiculous. Parents, butt out of your kids' dating lives unless you sense danger. You're probably right, but some of us are bored and looking for sport. Besides, it's not a horrible way to guage intent and degree of compatability with the family. Like it or not, when you marry a girl, you marry her entire family. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 IMO, it takes all kinds to make this world go 'round. Not every man is 100% alpha and not every woman is Cinderella. Let live if it makes them happy, in a healthy way. Myself, the closest I ever got to asking a man out, was when I had my friends ask him to go to an open NYE party, so I could thank him for helping me. I must say it was well worthwhile but I wouldn't go any further than that, much less ask a man to marry me. Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 The pressure for a guy to "pass the tests" of the family are ridiculous. Parents, butt out of your kids' dating lives unless you sense danger. The pressure is there for women as well. Good thing parents love me. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 You're probably right, but some of us are bored and looking for sport. Besides, it's not a horrible way to guage intent and degree of compatability with the family. Like it or not, when you marry a girl, you marry her entire family. Fair enough. Just please don't do the thing my ex's parents did - acting like they liked me, when they really thought I was a loser and talked all sorts of sh*t about me behind my back. {getting angry allovasudden} The pressure is there for women as well. Good thing parents love me. Yes, but we guys are put through so many damn "interviews" with this thing, it's absurd. Also, parents are often concerned about a guy's income, which IMO is completely unimportant. Parents, it's not up to you to decide if we're good enough; it's up to your children who are dating us. Link to post Share on other sites
caramel c Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 The story in the second post is ridiculous. How could she have even been happy in that marriage knowing that he was forced into it? Has she no shame? Anyway, I could probably write an essay on this subject and I may come back to make further points but I would not propose to the guy, nor would I pressure him in any way to propose to me. If it gets to a certain point (which I've never been thus far) and things are not progressing, and it is determined that he clearly he isn't moving forward any time soon, I'm outta there. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 The story in the second post is ridiculous. How could she have even been happy in that marriage knowing that he was forced into it? Has she no shame?Happens all the time, the standard, "Marry me or lose me" ultimatum. You even referenced it in your post:If it gets to a certain point (which I've never been thus far) and things are not progressing, and it is determined that he clearly he isn't moving forward any time soon, I'm outta there.See what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
caramel c Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Happens all the time, the standard, "Marry me or lose me" ultimatum. You even referenced it in your post:See what I mean? lol, the difference is, less talkin, more walkin if ya do it my way. Actions speak louder than words. Sitting around talking about it 3,453 times is fruitless and tiring. State your reason and be out, with your dignity in tact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 Well I think it's wrong if a woman would ask the man to marry her. But I wonder about the man who accepts or goes along with it should they be asked. I can't imagine that happens a lot, or maybe it does. Why do they? Most I know will / would run away scared if they were given such an offer, or godforbid, and ultimatum. It makes me think that they are insecure. Or something else? Please let me know, as I am quite confused by this. Just out of curiosity, I would NEVER think of doing something like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedalways Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I'll be totally honest: the kind of guy I'd want to marry would be the kind of guy that would want to ask ME. I would never ask a guy to marry me, call it old school, call it sexist, call it whatever you want, the fact remains. I have a lot of admiration for women that can ask guys out on dates. Again, I don't think it's something I'd do but I wouldn't rule it out. But no way would I ever pop the question. Though it was kind of cute in that episode of friends Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I was the one who asked my wife out on our first date but she is the one who asked me to marry her. It sort of came out of the blue but I am glad she did. The way I feel is who cares who asks who as long as the marriage itself is good. Link to post Share on other sites
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