missingher89 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 So I was dating this girl for a about a yr and 6 months. We've been through so much, (had abortion, i was her first lover, and alot of other firsts).A while back, i cheated on her and broke off the relationship, didn't say why. She tried getting back with me, but i kept being a reall ******* to her and told her things like "your being all up on me" when she really wasn't. After about a month, she starts hanging out with this guy from work who likes her. Eventually, he ends up kissing her and she starts to develop feelings for him. I came to my senses and wanted her back. Long story short, we got back, another month later, about a week ago, she tells me she no longer loves me because of all I've done and how I've treated her. She says she doesn't want to hate me, still likes me but wants to be alone. I ask her if she still likes the guy, and she said yes. Now, i have asked her if she wants me to fight for her or wait for her and she says no. Yet, it doesn't feel quite over yet. She seems sometimes confused and tells me "what if you don't change?" This whole week, i've been giving her flowers and sending her mms "Love Is... Cartoons" She said its helped but still doesnt love me and want to be with me. I also think the guy has alot to do with it. I dont want to lose her again and still love her. What should I do? Fight? Let it be and stay? She still cares about me and says she wants to hang out and talk. I might be leaving some details out but its gotten too big. I hop someone here can help. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I dont want to lose her again and still love her. What should I do? Fight? Let it be and stay? She still cares about me and says she wants to hang out and talk.She wants you to be her friend. And if you still have feelings for her - which you obviously do - then it's a one-way ticket to your own personal hell. She gets all the benefits of a relationship with you without having to make any effort or commitment to you. It's purely one-sided. Go NC. Complete, total no contact. She will probably not come back to you, but that's not the point of NC anyway. The point is so you can heal and move forward without that constant irritation of someone that you used to care for demanding your attention without having to give anything in return. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missingher89 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 So there's no chance? Even if she sometimes doesn't know? I thought maybe because of all the things ive done to her, it isnt allowing her to love me. I know i can change. But is there a chance? Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Even if she sometimes doesn't know? Think about this one for a minute. How does she not know? How could you just not know how you felt? Nonsense, she just doesnt want to TELL you. Like Thad said, she wants you to still be her friend, even though it doesnt work that way. If she told you the whole truth and stuck by it, youd tell her to kick rocks. She knows that. But is there a chance? How much time and effort would you put into - Id say about a 2% chance? There is always a chance, its just a really bad one. Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Honestly, I don't blame her for not wanting to be with you anymore. It's probably sunk in just what a jerk you were to her and she can't feel in love with you anymore. Be her friend for now. Leave the rest alone. She's told you no. Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I know i can change. People say "I know I can change" all the time. It means they haven't really changed. Knowing and doing are two different things. Until you can say "I have changed" and your actions show it, you will have an uphill battle here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missingher89 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 She does know she doesn't want to be with me now but i think she still loves me, its just the BS i put her through. And her thinking i cant change. But i want to show her that i can. and im willing to put effort into it. I need her. She cared and did everything for me. Doesn't seem like its supposed to end like this. I'm srry you guys if im coming off as stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missingher89 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Honestly, I don't blame her for not wanting to be with you anymore. It's probably sunk in just what a jerk you were to her and she can't feel in love with you anymore. Be her friend for now. Leave the rest alone. She's told you no. your right about the jerk part. I was. A BIG one. So should I stay by her if she wants me there and show her that i can change and am not a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 So there's no chance? Even if she sometimes doesn't know? I thought maybe because of all the things ive done to her, it isnt allowing her to love me. I know i can change. But is there a chance? What you mean there's no chance even if she doesn't know? Seems like you're looking for validation and for someone to say yes to make you feel better. She said no and now has someone else in her life. Learn from this mistake in the next relationship. The grass seems to be greener on the other side. If you dump someone, don't regret later. Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 your right about the jerk part. I was. A BIG one. So should I stay by her if she wants me there and show her that i can change and am not a jerk. I once had a relationship with this guy who was a total jerk to me. We cared about each other. He broke it off. Told me he would never want to be with me again romantically. Put me through h*ll. Still, he wanted me in his life while he dated this one and that one. And a year or two later he wanted to be back together with me. Said he made a mistake. I said no. I had moved on. And I had. We're friends now and it's great. But sometimes people just move on and you have to move on, too. If you can change, then great. Learn from this. Start fresh with someone you don't have all the bad luggage with. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Move on OP. You had your chance, screwed it up, and she realized that she could be treated better. Let it be a lesson for the next girl your with. Link to post Share on other sites
Soul Bear Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 IMO You shouldn't have been such a jerk and cheated on her. She even wanted you back and you never gave her the chance, until you found out someone else was interested in her and visa versa. Move on. Learn from it, deal with whatever fate is bringing your way and don't ever do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts