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dating an alcoholic


angie16

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ok, so its been awhile but I am back. I met an amazing man a few months ago and was swept off my feet.

I'm 30, he's 33. he's creative, owns his own graphics company, witty, hillarious, never married, no kids, and kind on the eyes.

 

we have a bunch of mutal friends and really have fallen for each other.

 

I have noticed that he drinks a lot. I know he had a substance abuse problem in the past, but he assures me he is only drinking. that is not what is making me nervous right now, what I dont know how to respond to, is the fact that when he does get very drunk, he tells me about how he plans on commiting suicide on his next birthday (next month) and that I'm selfish for feeling bad about it.

he makes me promise not to tell his best friend or his sister, and i don't know what to do.

 

i dont really think he will do it, i think its just trying to get a reaction out of me. i dont know whether to just cut and run or try and help or tell his family.

 

any advice would be really helpfull.

thanks.

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That ruffling sound you hear are a hundred red flags are waving furiously.

 

He's got a history of substance abuse?

 

He tells you he's planning on killing himself?

 

It's "only" drinking?

 

He "makes me promise not to tell his best friend or his sister"?

 

Come ON..!

 

Ask yourself this: If your best friend came to you and outlined to you what you've written here, what would your advice be?

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ok, so its been awhile but I am back. I met an amazing man a few months ago and was swept off my feet.

I'm 30, he's 33. he's creative, owns his own graphics company, witty, hillarious, never married, no kids, and kind on the eyes.

 

we have a bunch of mutal friends and really have fallen for each other.

 

I have noticed that he drinks a lot. I know he had a substance abuse problem in the past, but he assures me he is only drinking. that is not what is making me nervous right now, what I dont know how to respond to, is the fact that when he does get very drunk, he tells me about how he plans on commiting suicide on his next birthday (next month) and that I'm selfish for feeling bad about it.

he makes me promise not to tell his best friend or his sister, and i don't know what to do.

 

i dont really think he will do it, i think its just trying to get a reaction out of me. i dont know whether to just cut and run or try and help or tell his family.

 

any advice would be really helpfull.

thanks.

 

Okay, here's what scares me. How casual our atitude in society is about this. People are saying things that signal real trouble. It doesn't matter if he's saying it just to get a reaction; if he is that still signals there are some very serious psychological issues going on there. SECONDLY, if you know about this, please don't not act on it. If he does comitt suicide you are going to feel awful for being so complacent. You assume he isn't serious, but there are situations where people carry out all varieties of terrible acts wether it's against themselves or others and you will always read after someone or a group of someone's saying "Well, he/she talked about it, but I never thought they would actually do it." Do not rest on that assumption, it is DANGEROUS.

 

You need to report him for his own safety. I am serious.

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GorillaTheater
i dont know whether to just cut and run or try and help or tell his family.

 

I would recommend doing both: getting the hell out of this relationship and telling his family. And I would do both pronto.

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I would recommend doing both: getting the hell out of this relationship and telling his family. And I would do both pronto.

 

Yes agreed, she also needs to contact the mental health authorities in her area. The family might also not do anything, and he needs real help.

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You need to report him for his own safety. I am serious.
H2H and GT are right on the money.

 

I have a dear friend who's ex-husband killed himself a few months ago (nothing at all to do with her, he too was an addict). He had dropped a thousand hints and told people outright about what he was going to do. But nobody said or did anything. One person in particular, an acquaintance, said, "Oh, he's just wanting attention. Ignore him." The acquaintance called it 'tough love.'

 

Well, it was tough all right. The guy shot himself.

 

H2H and GT right. This is deadly serious.

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His drinking will only get worst, you need to notice the HUGE red flag in front of you and leave.

 

He wont change, and you cant make him

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fallendisguise
H2H and GT are right on the money.

 

I have a dear friend who's ex-husband killed himself a few months ago (nothing at all to do with her, he too was an addict). He had dropped a thousand hints and told people outright about what he was going to do. But nobody said or did anything. One person in particular, an acquaintance, said, "Oh, he's just wanting attention. Ignore him." The acquaintance called it 'tough love.'

 

Well, it was tough all right. The guy shot himself.

 

H2H and GT right. This is deadly serious.

 

I too have been in this situation. A brother of a boyfriend of mine did the same thing. Told everyone and no one bothered to help. They all figured he was drunk and talking nonsense. He came to me as a last resort and I didn't contact any authorities. I was young and dumb and had a very possesive/jealous boyfriend. That still shouldn't have stopped me from trying to help. After a night of going out, he went into the backyard and shot himself. It is still something to this day I can't forgive myself for. Had I done something he might be here living a healthy happy life because he had help.

 

Don't put yourself in that position. He is not your responsibility, but I fully agree that you need to contact his family and also contact and agency that can help him in case his family doesn't.

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