mortensorchid Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 The other day I was rereading passages from The Rules. Yeah, I know, this will make a huge debate of "it's good" vs. "it's garbage", but I wanted to point out something that really does make sense, because I experienced it. There was a passage about what makes a Rules relationship and the behavior that a man should show. Someone should not put a demand on you to change yourself. The example they used was "Loose weight and I'll take you on vacation". Years before, I was going out with this one guy who put a demand on me. I smoke, I smoked when I met him, I was 45 lbs heavier than I am now. He never directly said it, but he implied that he would not consider this to be a permanent set up unless I lost weight and quit smoking. So one day, after a revelation, I decided to take him up on the challenge. "You think I can't do it? I'LL SHOW YOU." So I quit smoking, and I had lost about 30 lbs of the total 45 that I would loose, and he was furious with me! I asked why he was angry with me, he said it took me too long to drop the weight and to quit. I was out of my mind with grief over this! What kind of an answer is that?!! He expected me to wave and magic wand and the weight and the cigarettes would just disappear?! He himself was quite overweight as well, and his weight (that he was always going off about how he couldn't loose it) didn't budge and inch. He was such an ass he broke up with me ON THE PLANE on the way to Europe and we had to spend the entire trip together 24 hours a day. That was three years ago. Less than a year later he met and married another woman who he is still with as far as I know. I am better off without him. Who wants to be with a man who puts a demand on someone, gets what they want, and STILL isn't happy? So in this factor, The Rules are certainly right. I can't imagine the abuse that must be going on with his currant wife and her children (she has children from a previous marriage who he is supporting). Someone got the things they wanted and it still wasn't good enough. If that's not rotten, I don't know what is. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Who wants to be with a man who puts a demand on someone, gets what they want, and STILL isn't happy? The demand was a sham, an excuse, BS. It was a roadblock to prevent your relationship from going past a certain point, and to be honest, next to ZERO women are going to quit smoking and lose weight for a guy, so he was probably thinking you werent going to do it. And guess what, if you didnt, then ending things is YOUR fault, because you couldnt do what he asked. And if you do, he just comes up with something else (i.e. you didnt do it fast enough). It was never about the demand, it was about an excuse, if that makes any sense. So in this factor, The Rules are certainly right To be blunt, common sense should tell you that someone loves you for who you are or they dont. The rules might seem to have been right, but you cant pick and chose parts of them and circumstances in which they are true. Some of them are downright ridiculous and counter productive. I can't imagine the abuse that must be going on with his currant wife and her children Luckily, you dont have to. Link to post Share on other sites
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