Breakthrough!!

[FIREMAN]

After over 3 years of my GF running from me everytime we get close, she finally revealed to me last night WHY she does this!! I think it's a HUGE breakthrough for us, as we can now work on making it better. I'm a firefighter and she's scared that something can happen to me and she'll be left alone. Her dad was in the WTC on 9-11, but survived. She can't forget the feeling she had that day not knowing if he was alive or dead. She doesn't want to go thru that with me too. I told her I could work in an office and get hit by a car going to work, etc. Anything could happen and we have no say in when or how we die. She refuses to go to a doc for therapy (which she should prob get). What a relief to finally know what's bothering her! Hopefully things get better from here! Anything else I can say to set her at ease?

[SoulSearch_CO]

Wow. That's going to be really hard to get past. Especially since it's not a general fear of losing you - this is tied to something in her past. That's terrifying about her dad - I'm so glad he got out. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of that remembered fear. I really think a counselor could even help just YOU to know what reassuring words to give her. But a cheesy line from a movie scratches the surface: A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.

 

So, would she feel BETTER having distanced you to lose you, now? Or would it maybe be better to seize every last moment and squeeze every last beautiful drop out of life while it's here? The moments of ecstasy in this life can be fleeting - they have to be cherished. If she holds you away now (when it's obvious she feels strongly for you), it's going to hurt MORE if she loses you because she'll realize she held back part of herself from you. But the greatest gift she can give you is to give ALL of herself - just as that is the greatest gift you can give her. Nobody's time on this planet is guaranteed. Hell, you can be sitting in your own house minding your own business and be struck by some freak aneurysm or have something crash on your house and kill you. EVERY moment is precious.

 

Why is it better to fear that which you have not lost yet than to engage fully and get the most out of life? She seriously feels happy with 50%? Because it can be 50% until one of you is taken from this planet, or you can both give 100% and experience the joy of knowing that you gave it your all and NOBODY can say that you did not love each other. And that is something that NOBODY can ever take away.

[dreamergrl]

If it were me, I can't really say there would be much to ease my fear. You can't make promises then nothing bad will happen. Not that you can make that promise regardless. It's a tough situation.

 

Maybe talk to her, and find out if there's anything you can do to ease her fears a bit. Make the most out of your time with her. But SS is right, it's going to be tough, as it's tied to her past.

 

Although I think it's great that at least you're learning the why's of how she's been acting towards you. It's a good step.

[FIREMAN]

It's a huge relief to know and I can understand her fear. Nothing is 100% certain in life and we don't know our destiny. At least we have something we can work on now. I don't feel lost or confused anymore and that's huge. We spent the night in the hot tub and had sex all night long. It was amazing and we connected in ways I don't think either of us felt before, holding eachother and staring into eachother's eyes, staring at the stars and not talking, but knowing what eachother was thinking inside. We were on the verge of ending things and something "magical" happened last night. I can't explain it...it just "happened" and she opened up to me for the first time in almost 4 years. I prayed the night before that, that things would work out. I guess someone was listening