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Well, that sucked.


pandagirl

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Just got back from the "talk" with J. I feel disappointed in myself.

 

Even though I went into it knowing I didn't want to see him anymore, hearing him say: "Our time together has run it's course. I don't want to date you anymore," was surprisingly harsh to hear.

 

I reverted back to my clingy ways, asking him if he even wanted to casually date me, but he was firm. I had my moments of weakness, but in the end I was strong.

 

Just knowing someone could so easily let you go without any feeling is not a good feeling.

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hoping2heal

Well, based on your other threads, it sounds to me as though he realised you weren't going to have sex with him, and bailed. Let's see, he thinks cheating is okay, he knows you have herpes and risks exposing it to another person, and now that you've told him the reason you're not having sex is because you don't know wether he is seeing someone else, so he figures you're too much "maintenence" so to speak. I remember you writing a thread about how he didn't treat some of his exes very well, yes apparently he is still on the ball for that. Be glad he didn't give in when you offered to casually date, you would of been even more dissapointed and unhappy had he said yes and you'd settled for someone who well, basically just wanted you for the fast times at ridgemont high.

 

BTW- as for feeling upset that he could so easily let you go; when we care about people it is because of an ability we have in ourselves. If we care it's because we're caring loving people, for example you care about this guy and he's a complete d-bag so obviously his actions and who he is are not related to the caring. Same goes vice versa for you.

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Trialbyfire

Okay, so hold on a minute. Yesterday, you surprised him with the talk so then, he had to be straight forward with you. Once he had to be honest, he wanted to talk to you about it today. Today he decides to end it.

 

panda, this is ALL about his ego. Douche-baggery at its worst! :sick:

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Well, based on your other threads, it sounds to me as though he realised you weren't going to have sex with him, and bailed. Let's see, he thinks cheating is okay, he knows you have herpes and risks exposing it to another person, and now that you've told him the reason you're not having sex is because you don't know wether he is seeing someone else, so he figures you're too much "maintenence" so to speak. I remember you writing a thread about how he didn't treat some of his exes very well, yes apparently he is still on the ball for that. Be glad he didn't give in when you offered to casually date, you would of been even more dissapointed and unhappy had he said yes and you'd settled for someone who well, basically just wanted you for the fast times at ridgemont high.

 

BTW- as for feeling upset that he could so easily let you go; when we care about people it is because of an ability we have in ourselves. If we care it's because we're caring loving people, for example you care about this guy and he's a complete d-bag so obviously his actions and who he is are not related to the caring. Same goes vice versa for you.

 

Thanks for that. It made me feel better.

 

He treats his exes fine. He did tell me that he is open to being friends, but i told him I didn't know about that. He said he has some exes that want nothing to do with him, because he really broke their hearts. He said he went to therapy because he thought there was something wrong with him, because that he couldn't commit to those serious relationships. He has some issues.

 

I think I'm more disappointed in how I behaved. I wanted to be strong and resolute, instead I was wishy washy and a little clingy.

 

This guy obviously doesn't care about me at all. I am a caring, loving person, so it hurts to know the truth. But in the end, I know I will be fine.

 

Will I ever find someone who will reciprocate my feelings?

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Okay, so hold on a minute. Yesterday, you surprised him with the talk so then, he had to be straight forward with you. Once he had to be honest, he wanted to talk to you about it today. Today he decides to end it.

 

panda, this is ALL about his ego. Douche-baggery at its worst! :sick:

 

Explain? (The ego part.)

 

It's about my ego, too. He dropped me like a hot potato. Ouch.

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You know what I think really hurts? My feelings for him weren't that strong, but I did see potential in him. But he didn't see ANY potential at all in me. None. I was just someone to pass some time with. And that hurts.

 

He said that if we continued to date, it would just be empty, and that it wouldn't be good.

 

True, but damn -- hearing those words really hurt. I feel like I can read people really well, and I thought he did care about me a little bit.

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Trialbyfire
Explain? (The ego part.)

 

It's about my ego, too. He dropped me like a hot potato. Ouch.

Juggling two women the way he did it, by having sex with one and participating in sexual activity with the other, not telling either, is about ego.

 

Also about ego, is that once you bearded him in his lair, he's now lashing back at you, by "dumping" you, even though the two of you aren't in a relationship.

 

I would have far more respect for him, had he been upfront about not only multi-dating but multi-sleeping around. In being open about it, you could have made an educated decision to continue dating him or not.

 

One thing you might have learned from this, is not to engage in any form of sexual activity with a man you're not in an exclusive relationship with. I don't mean withhold for the sake of power but withhold until you get a better feel of what his morals are. Of course this still doesn't guarantee a good guy but then, it never hurts to be careful.

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You'reasian
You know what I think really hurts? My feelings for him weren't that strong, but I did see potential in him. But he didn't see ANY potential at all in me. None. I was just someone to pass some time with. And that hurts.

 

He said that if we continued to date, it would just be empty, and that it wouldn't be good.

 

True, but damn -- hearing those words really hurt. I feel like I can read people really well, and I thought he did care about me a little bit.

 

Well, nothing gained, nothing lost. Seems like the both of you had weak feelings for one another and both of you weren't really ready for a relationship.

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You'reasian
One thing you might have learned from this, is not to engage in any form of sexual activity with a man you're not in an exclusive relationship with. I don't mean withhold for the sake of power but withhold until you get a better feel of what his morals are. Of course this still doesn't guarantee a good guy but then, it never hurts to be careful.

 

Who can tell a woman what to do or what not to do?

 

I think that should be her decision. She should be free to date around with whom she wants, whenever she wants and its her business.

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mortensorchid

PG, it's not about these things that you have just described. It's about blows to both of your egos. And I don't say that in a mean way either, because we've all been there. We don't like being rejected no matter what the case is. Even if it was someone you just had anywhere from neutral to lukewarm feelings about, no one likes to think that they are / were unattractive to someone for whatever reason.

 

The other day, I was standing in line at a bakery when I overheard two guys chatting. One said that he went out on a date with some woman about three weeks ago but hadn't heard from her since. Instead of saying "whoa is me" to his friend, he said "It's like a horse show, you know. I'm up for sale and I'm being felt out for potential." He was saying that the woman was the loser for not calling him back. You show me one woman who would say that after being blown off. The truth of the matter is that they don't. We take it all to heart when we shouldn't take things so seriously.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you were hurt by this guy, but things clearly were not meant to be. I'm sure you'll move on soon.

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Trialbyfire
Who can tell a woman what to do or what not to do?

 

I think that should be her decision. She should be free to date around with whom she wants, whenever she wants and its her business.

Did I say she had to listen to me? The verbiage says "might have learned" not have to learn or must do.

 

I know you support cheaters and have cheated yourself. Maybe you should be a little more open about why this offends you so much...

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I'm crying now. And I know why. It's because I did care about him, and I hate that I did. It's impossible for me to date someone without caring some amount, because it's pointless if you don't.

 

And the fact is he didn't give a **** about me, it really hurts to realize that. Why do I always assume the best in people?

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Trialbyfire

panda, try not to let morons like this get to you. Whether he cared about you or not, who knows? What we do know is that he cares for himself more. This is FACT.

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You'reasian
I know you support cheaters and have cheated yourself. Maybe you should be a little more open about why this offends you so much...

 

I'm not offended.

 

I support the woman's right to do what she wants, whenever she wants with whomever she wants....but whom I decide to fall IN love with is at my discretion ;)

 

You can give, give and give and care, care and care - and if the other person is not in the same place, you're really wasting yours and their time.

 

I think its up to each of us to be careful about whom we give our hearts to and weigh other's actions as loveable or not.

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PG, I must have missed a few threads, as I haven't been on in a few weeks... but it sounds like that it's better off you know this now. It sucks when we grow to care about someone, even though we'd love to pretend we don't, but now the best thing to do is move on, heal, and remember your experiences from next time! Sorry it had to end like this!

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Cherry Blossom 35

You're crying because it hurts, and it hurst because you're a caring person who doesn't use people for your own gratification. Unlike this d-bag. I agree 100% with TBF. He WAS lashing out at you, and he did "break up" with you, when really, that wasn't even necessary. You had already told him that you weren't comfortable with the situation. He couldn't handle being dropped, so he had to drop you. Douche!!

 

I'm 36 and I've met more douches than I can possibly count. I can't tell you how many times I was with a guy who I thought was genuinely into me. Until I heard the speech..

 

You know, Cherry, you're really awesome. You're so awesome I'm surprised no one has caught you yet (my personal favorite-ugh). But I'm not looking for a relationship with you.

 

 

Oh yeah? Then why did you wine me and dine me and act like everything I said or did was utterly fascinating? HUH??????

 

The worst part is that in these cases, there was usually some girl in his past who got away, and I heard all about how awesome they were. So I was always trying to live up to some fantasy character. F- that.

 

Panda, things will not always be this way. I don't know how long it will take, but I have confidence that someday you will meet a decent guy. It took me a long time, but right now I'm typing away, listening to music with the candles on, and looking at my sweetie on the couch. (He doesn't know I'm on LS, heehee). I thought I would be single forever. I couldn't even imagine having a boyfriend!! I really couldn't.

 

I agree with the poster who said maybe you should refrain from sexual activity until you get a better feel for the guys you're dating. I know that's hard because a lot of times you feel pressured,subtly or not so subtly. But you know what? the guy who really thinks you're amazing and wants to get to know you will wait. They will. That's all there is too it. I won't sleep with a guy if he is sleeping with someone else, and I flat out tell them that. I won't do it. If they run away, then so be it. Good riddance.

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Hi PG,

 

I feel bad for what you're going through. I followed your threads here and there, and I felt that something was not right with this guy. Recently when he told you he couldn't hang out because he was sick, I don't know...I wondered then if he had someone else in the picture.

 

I'm the same way you are when it comes to really caring about people, but what I've slowly been learning is to take a closer look to make sure the person is really worthy of that caring. The fact that he is sleeping with this other woman, who has no idea that you were even in the picture, says snake in the grass to me. Think about the fact that when he was giving you excuses here and there, he was actually going off and having sex with her, while you were spending your energy thinking about him and worried about what he was thinking and feeling.

 

I believe you are too good for this guy. He doesn't deserve your caring. He really doesn't! Regardless if you guys were "exclusive" or not, he should have been honest about the fact that he was sleeping with another woman while at the same time being intimate with you. Seriously...yuck! I would be mad if I were you.

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whichwayisup

Wasn't the agreement no strings attached? Casual?

 

I know you're hurting, but it's best it ended. He doesn't care about you the way you care about him.

 

Once you heal from this, trust me, when you're ready, a good guy will come along when you're least expecting it.

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Hi PG,

 

I feel bad for what you're going through. I followed your threads here and there, and I felt that something was not right with this guy. Recently when he told you he couldn't hang out because he was sick, I don't know...I wondered then if he had someone else in the picture.

 

I'm the same way you are when it comes to really caring about people, but what I've slowly been learning is to take a closer look to make sure the person is really worthy of that caring. The fact that he is sleeping with this other woman, who has no idea that you were even in the picture, says snake in the grass to me. Think about the fact that when he was giving you excuses here and there, he was actually going off and having sex with her, while you were spending your energy thinking about him and worried about what he was thinking and feeling.

 

I believe you are too good for this guy. He doesn't deserve your caring. He really doesn't! Regardless if you guys were "exclusive" or not, he should have been honest about the fact that he was sleeping with another woman while at the same time being intimate with you. Seriously...yuck! I would be mad if I were you.

 

Thank you for your words -- it made me feel better. You're right, he doesn't deserve my caring. That's the thing that really bewilders me about this whole thing. I'm not particularly heartbroken -- knowing what I know now, I don't want to be with him -- the sadness I feel is something different.

 

It's a sadness knowing that I can care about someone, and knowing I have the capacity to care, but realizing the person you were with didn't. I don't understand that. How can you not care about someone? How can you so easily not have a conscious and do as you please, without it affecting your heart?

 

I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed in him, and in people in general. I tend to think the best of people and it never crosses my mind that others have disingenuous intentions, since that is not how *I* ever treat people.

 

I just got back from a bday party where some of my close friends were. They said if I wasn't sad and disappointed, there would be something wrong with me, because I am human and you *should* care.

 

Even though I am hurt, what I'm feeling tells me I am an emotionally healthy person, who is capable of giving and feeling pain. The fact that this guy doesn't is even more fodder for me to forget about him.

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Just knowing someone could so easily let you go without any feeling is not a good feeling.

thats life sister....the easier they come into your life they easier they can leave :) :) :) :) :)

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utterer of lies
You know what I think really hurts? My feelings for him weren't that strong, but I did see potential in him. But he didn't see ANY potential at all in me. None. I was just someone to pass some time with. And that hurts.

 

He said that if we continued to date, it would just be empty, and that it wouldn't be good.

 

True, but damn -- hearing those words really hurt. I feel like I can read people really well, and I thought he did care about me a little bit.

 

What really hurts is your pride.

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What really hurts is your pride.

 

Having pride would mean have some semblance of higher ego, which I actually have...the opposite of.

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