Is it wrong to hang out alone with other guys/girls when you're in a relationship?

[tigressA]

A comment that someone made on the "Question" thread made me want to ask this question--it was something like, "When I'm in a relationship I don't go round to any girl's house just to hang out."

 

So really, is it wrong to hang out with another guy/girl alone when you're in a relationship with someone? Does it depend on the activity? Does it depend on the relationship? Do you think that if you're in a relationship that you shouldn't "need" or "want" to spend time alone with another person of the opposite sex? Or is that an old-fashioned view? What are your thoughts?

[EddieN]

Eh, I think it depends.

 

I have a very good girl friend who I will hang out with alone for hours at a time. She's had a boyfriend since I've known her. I'll admit, in the beginning I had feelings for her but I've gotten rid of those and just enjoy the friendship.

 

Thing is, she's a trustworthy girl and I'm a trustworthy guy. You throw one person you can't trust into that equation and it doesn't work out.

 

Me personally? I'm not sure how I would feel if I had a girlfriend who was hanging out alone with guys that I knew wanted to get with her. I guess if I totally trusted her I know nothing would happen, and if she broke my trust and something did happen then I would dump her in a heartbeat and I would know she was scum.

[JadedHeart]

I think it's okay as long as you set boundaries.

Like for my ex I told her she could hang out with other guys but they only want to get in your pants.

 

But for the ones that respect boundaries such as relationships i told her as long as they don't go to fancy dinners alone, cuddle, share food, etc...

 

The other guy or girl should also be introduced or told about. I hated it when my ex would say I'm hanging out with a friend. If it was a girl it would be like oh yea I'm going to hang out with stephanie or melody.

 

It's like she was trying to hide something. And she most certainly was.

 

But yea I do think it's weird for someone to go over to someone else's house late in the night to cuddle and watch movies.

 

For me that's crossing the line, for others it might be okay. But who knows, I'm still trying to fathom this multi casual dating thing.

[Stark]

Depends upon circumstances, and this will vary person to person.

 

So many things to consider here. The history between them. Are they exs? Ever had any history together sexual wise? What they are like as a person? What the person like they are going to see? If you like that person or not? How much do you know the person you are with, how serious are you with them?

 

All things to take into account here.

 

I mean, if you were getting serious with a girl, but still unsure about her, and she said she's going to the movies with x guy or going to ys house, it's going to put a strain on for you.

 

Meanwhile if you've been with someone for 1 year, know them very well, you'll probably trust them a lot and not mind them going to meet so and so for a drink for an hour or two.

 

But I personally don't believe its right to be spending time alone unless its maybe for a drink at a coffee shop or something, you know, a public setting where you chat for a while.

 

But House is out of bounds, as are things like movies, as these are things that should be reserved for the partner.

 

This is the way I view it.

[JadedHeart]

By the way if you're having to talk about these things then your SO I consider that a red flag.

 

Why the hell would you have to tell your SO not to cuddle and crap like that.

 

Now I deem those people incompatible, I don't waste my time anymore.

[Seer Watch My Ass]

I think the answer changes when you get married. If you're not married you can do anything you damn well please, but they might break-up with you over it.

 

If your married you should trust your partner so much that they could still do it, but would show absolutely no friction what-so-ever to you coming around during, anytime for any reason. I'm insecure so I'd probably puss- out and want to spend at least some time, the three of us, just because my wife will destroy me if she leaves me. She'll know that, it won't be a problem.

[tigressA]

 

But I personally don't believe its right to be spending time alone unless its maybe for a drink at a coffee shop or something, you know, a public setting where you chat for a while.

 

But House is out of bounds, as are things like movies, as these are things that should be reserved for the partner.

 

This is the way I view it.

 

That's an interesting viewpoint. I never saw a difference between public/private settings. I always felt like if you were going to engage in inappropriate behavior it wouldn't matter where you were. I've dated guys and then had other friends, guys and girls, over to my campus house for lunch/dinner some days. I never thought it was even remotely out of bounds with the guys; I love to cook and bake and share my talents in those arenas with my friends. I did have a couple of people tell me that they thought that was inappropriate.

[You'reasian]

Eh, I think it depends.

 

I have a very good girl friend who I will hang out with alone for hours at a time. She's had a boyfriend since I've known her. I'll admit, in the beginning I had feelings for her but I've gotten rid of those and just enjoy the friendship.

 

Thing is, she's a trustworthy girl and I'm a trustworthy guy. You throw one person you can't trust into that equation and it doesn't work out.

 

Me personally? I'm not sure how I would feel if I had a girlfriend who was hanging out alone with guys that I knew wanted to get with her. I guess if I totally trusted her I know nothing would happen, and if she broke my trust and something did happen then I would dump her in a heartbeat and I would know she was scum.

 

I agree with this.

[hoping2heal]

I won't hang out with anyone of the opposite sex alone, in fact if my partner isn't present, I prefer to not hang out with them in a group either out of respect for my partners feelings. He already knows I don't want him hanging out on on one with any of his female friends. I trust him just fine, it's them I don't trust. I had this uneasy feeling about one of his friends, and he told me she was a nice girl, but that he'd respect my wishes. Anyhow, I thought for a minute, maybe I'm wrong. But then he told me she made a comment to him about going dancing with her, and that I wouldn't have to know. A light clicked on and I went BINGO. To be honest, it isn't cheating that's bothersome to me, it's him spending time alone with people who have NO respect for our relationship.

 

I also have had male friends who have acted the same way "come on, he doesn't need to know". Once I hear that, I pretty much cease hanging out with them at all, if you can't respect my partner- buh bye.

[hoping2heal]

Oh, and to answer the rest of your quesitons.

 

I don't need to spend time with other men, if I want a man to spend time with, I already have the best of the lot; why do I need to go elsewhere? I Enjoy spending time with my female friends. I had a male friend for a long time that I used to consider a best friend, but he was just kind of an excuse to not bond completely with my boyfriends. He's not in my life anymore and I have no hard feelings about him or anything, but I can understand why it would be hurtful to my partners to have him around. I don't have any need for other male companions. If I'm working with someone who is cordial to me etc. I've always been nice and joked around (not flirted) at work, but I leave it there.

 

If I could never hang out with another male again, wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd want friends yes, but that's what women are for. I already have all the man I need .

[northstar1]

I won't hang out with anyone of the opposite sex alone, in fact if my partner isn't present, I prefer to not hang out with them in a group either out of respect for my partners feelings. He already knows I don't want him hanging out on on one with any of his female friends. I trust him just fine, it's them I don't trust. I had this uneasy feeling about one of his friends, and he told me she was a nice girl, but that he'd respect my wishes. Anyhow, I thought for a minute, maybe I'm wrong. But then he told me she made a comment to him about going dancing with her, and that I wouldn't have to know. A light clicked on and I went BINGO. To be honest, it isn't cheating that's bothersome to me, it's him spending time alone with people who have NO respect for our relationship.

 

I also have had male friends who have acted the same way "come on, he doesn't need to know". Once I hear that, I pretty much cease hanging out with them at all, if you can't respect my partner- buh bye.

 

So if you'd been friends with a guy for many years (say longer than knowing your boyfriend) you'd refuse to hang out with them and grab a coffee or lunch to catch up?