zilverenvlinder Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I'm really pretty sick of dating. I know I'm supposed to have fun. I know I'm supposed to want to be single in my 20s and go out with my girlfriends and have a good time flirting with a million different hot guys. I don't think this is fun. I hate dating. I think it sucks and I hate playing games and I really hate wondering if someone likes me. I hate waiting around to see if I'm good enough to be someone's "girlfriend" or be told that I'm loved. It's nerve-wracking, it's annoying, and it's esteem-deteriorating. I just want to find one person who I am compatible with, who will love me for me, and who won't cheat on me or play stupid little mind games with me. I just want someone I can be with forever, who will take care of me and who I can take care of back. Does anyone really NOT feel this way? Or do you really like wasting your time on a bunch of different *******s? Man, dating sucks. And what I REALLY want to know...are men really THAT different? Do men like being single THAT much more than women? Is it really fun sleeping with a bunch of different girls and not having ONE person that you are happy with? <3always z Link to post Share on other sites
Eleventy Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 There are guys out there (like myself) who want all those things too. Unfortunately you have to meet people and get to know them before you find that one person. That, also unfortunately, is easily done with dating. I hate dating too and would much rather focus on getting to know people naturally and THEN moving it out into the realm of "dating" as opposed to just meeting someone for the first time on a date. Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I'm really pretty sick of dating. I know I'm supposed to have fun. I know I'm supposed to want to be single in my 20s and go out with my girlfriends and have a good time flirting with a million different hot guys. I don't think this is fun. I hate dating. I think it sucks and I hate playing games and I really hate wondering if someone likes me. I hate waiting around to see if I'm good enough to be someone's "girlfriend" or be told that I'm loved. It's nerve-wracking, it's annoying, and it's esteem-deteriorating. I just want to find one person who I am compatible with, who will love me for me, and who won't cheat on me or play stupid little mind games with me. I just want someone I can be with forever, who will take care of me and who I can take care of back. <3always z What you described above is NOT dating - it's called "searching for a mate". Dating is supposed to be about having fun with another person - if something stronger develops, then it does, if it doesn't, then you just had a good time with someone. It sounds like you have some unresolved issues within. After my divorce in 1989, I dated and had fun. I was single, by choice, until late 2006 and the only reason the single status changed was because the guy I'm with just "clicked" and neither of us had any intentions of this happening, it just did. Stop trying to force it, just relax and have fun - it will happen when you least expect it. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 yes and no. dating a fun, cool chick who digs me is awesome. dating a girl who plays the whole hot/cold mind game sucks major ass. being single and doing some crazy, fun **** with your best mates is awesome. being single, at home, and nothing to do but eat some cup noodle by your lonesome self in front of the tube is the dogs bollocks. me thinks it's mostly to do with one's attitude and how you choose to fill your time. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
lora22 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Being single Dating Being in a relationship It's all good! I love all of it, and I've never been in relationship and thought "gee I wish I was single" (except for once, so I broke up with him), and I've never been single and thought "wow, I really wish I had a bf." I love the freedom of being single and not answering to anyone else, or having to keep his feelings and needs in mind, and I love having fun dating and meeting people, and I love being in a relationship and being there for my guy and having him be there for me. At the moment I really enjoy being single, but that's mostly because my life is in transition right now, so it's a relief not to have to think of someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkestDreams Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I hear ya, sister! At first, dating was fun for me..Hell, you meet some new people and have some good time, nothing wrong with that. Then, somewhere down the road, you start to lose patience and feel like it's pointless. I'm fed up of getting all dolled up, then putting myself in a situation where a perfect stranger quietly observes me and analyzes every word I say, looking for some indication that I'm anything but perfect. Being rejected by people you're not interested in to begin with or having to reject perfectly good people without hurting their feelings just gets old after a while. The more I date, the more I realize that I want to be single. It hit me a while ago..I'm not even sure I want to be in a relationship right now and I most definitely have no desire to get married and have children anytime soon, so why the hell am I dating? For the time being, I'm done. I have so many things going on in my life right now, there's no time and energy left to be wasted on looking around for potential soulmates or whatever. If it happens, it's gonna happen regardless and if it doesn't, I'm good with mine. being single and doing some crazy, fun **** with your best mates is awesome. being single, at home, and nothing to do but eat some cup noodle by your lonesome self in front of the tube is the dogs bollocks. The "dog's bollocks" means awesome . And yes, being single at home by my lonesome self is pretty awesome Link to post Share on other sites
luvbugged Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I hate playing games and I really hate wondering if someone likes me. I hate waiting around to see if I'm good enough to be someone's "girlfriend" or be told that I'm loved. It's nerve-wracking, it's annoying, and it's esteem-deteriorating. I didn't think dating was fun until I stopped doing all the things you hate about it... I hated it too. Easier said than done though. Link to post Share on other sites
c-riouz Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I can relate to how you feel, because I never was into dating either. Even when I was 13 or 14 I dreamed of the one and would have been happy to already find him back then. Didn't happen until 12 years later, but oh well, can't have everything. But yeah, I know how you feel. The concept of dating never appealed to me. I think I don't really understand the whole dating culture. I don't think I ever did. I don't understand this thing where you go out with somebody ten times and you still don't know if you are together or not, and even date other people in the meantime. Are you dating? Are you together? Are you exclusive? My understanding of dating is you go out with one person and you don't start dating other people unless you see what's going to happen. If it doesn't work out, THEN you move on. So you stay with one person, you get to know them, then you decide if you want to be together or not and you don't try out ten other people in the meantime. You stay and find out about this one person and REALLY get to know them to make an informed decision, as opposed to shallow getting- to-know ten different people. Over there it's like...unless you are "exclusive", you can still keep on going on dates with 10 different people at the same time. I'm from Europe, and the "dating" stuff is a bit different here anyway, but when I "dated" someone, I really only dated one person. I don't see one man one day and then see another one the next day. It's kind of serially exclusive right from the beginning for me or nothing at all. I'm really not comfortable with the idea of "juggling" or rotating guys around like a chicken on a plate. I'm strictly a one-man woman, and if I'm interested enough in somebody, I'm only interested in them anyway and wouldn't even want to get to know other people. I'd rather see if something works from the get go instead of pull myself in many directions at once. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 The "dog's bollocks" means awesome . And yes, being single at home by my lonesome self is pretty awesome apparently my mind is all over the place this evening. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Dating is fun Sex is fun Being single is fun.. But of course, I've been young like you... and I felt exactly the way you do... With age, life experiences, etc... you will become more independant.. Trust me.. independance is the KEY!!!! You will get any man at your feet.. if they feel you don't need them.. trust me on that one... Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 And what I REALLY want to know...are men really THAT different? I am a one-woman man and I don't like dating either. I don't think it's fun, it's rather exhausting. Trust me.. independance is the KEY!!!! You will get any man at your feet.. if they feel you don't need them.. trust me on that one... I love it when a woman needs me on some level. It triggers my protective instinct, and interdependence with the right person makes a relationship stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I am a one-woman man and I don't like dating either. I don't think it's fun, it's rather exhausting. I love it when a woman needs me on some level. It triggers my protective instinct, and interdependence with the right person makes a relationship stronger. I know.. let me tell you my secret: I let him be 'protective' when he's with me... I make him feel loved and desired... but when he's not calling or not coming for some reason.. I don't nag.. or make a big deal... I even don't talk about it.. I have my life.. I'm busy.. I'm not waiting by the phone.. and if I have something to do.. I do it.. he'll have to wait a little while.. it makes it better when he comes over.. The secret is : he knows I have a busy life.. and that I'm not waiting for him ... if he's not around.. I find things to do... The worst turn-off, for me, is an emotionally dependant man... eewwww... Link to post Share on other sites
Lindarose84 Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Dating is annoying. Which is why I'm happily single. It's exhausting not having control over your feelings because it's so dependent on what the other person is feeling. I don't like feeling weak- so I figure the only way to have complete control of me and my life is to not deal with dating at all. I won't lie, it gets lonely sometimes but it helps to have good single gf's who help put everything in perspective for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 I know.. let me tell you my secret: ... The secret is : he knows I have a busy life.. and that I'm not waiting for him ... if he's not around.. I find things to do... I can see that working for people like you who aren't looking for a relationship. I am not patient enough for something like that. I am not there to fill in the gaps when she has nothing better to do. I will either be made a priority or I will walk away. The worst turn-off, for me, is an emotionally dependant man... eewwww... I don't think that being emotionally dependant is bad, as long as I don't turn into a doormat and let the woman take advantage of my vulnerability. But the vast majority of women I have met, agreed with you. C'est la vie. Link to post Share on other sites
Stark Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Don't like the idea of dating myself, it's a bunch of crap I can do without if its just for "fun." Funnily enough when I've tried this aspect, I usually find because I know it's going nowhere that I have more fun just doing the usual things I would do with my friends, ie drinking beer, playing/listening to music, having a laugh, going out rockin to live bands etc. Would rather just be down-to-earth and try with someone I liked, none of this game playing crap either. Unfortunately the world isn't a fair place so it's hard to find someone who's upfront like that. Nothin wrong with emotionally dependant man. I find sexually active girls a turn off oddly enough . Not girls who are horny as hell, but ones who sleep with people just for the sake of "getting off." thats what porn and hands are for. Link to post Share on other sites
Cora Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 No dating is not fun to me. It is exhausting, humiliating, degrading and quite depressing at times. It's no fun being judged by total strangers as to whether you are good enough or not for them or whether they are good enough for you. It's not fun getting all dressed up and then wondering if the other person is even going to show or whether they will cancel last minute! It's frustrating when they play these little games with you....all of the hot/cold shyt! It's a complete weeding out process that gets quite old. Maybe I just take things too personally. I don't think I'm cut out for dating really. I don't exactly enjoy being single either but at least you don't get let down as much. I'm sick of being let down and disappointed. I would love more than anything to find someone who I can establish a relationship with but I don't want to go through the process and torture of dating to get there. I don't care if I ever go on another date again! I'm just finished....I'm through! Hell if I'm meant to be with someone I suppose it will happen and they will eventually find me somehow. If not then maybe it's just meant for me to be single. Dating sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
Joey Popps Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Dating can be fun and then it can be a nightmare. I'm not looking for 'the one' every time I meet somebody. If something develops, great, if not as long as I had fun and they had fun, it's all good. The problem is at a certain point it becomes a chore finding dates. Not everybody has a thousand close friends who have a thousand other single friends. At some point a lot of your friends wind up working on their careers, get married, and have kids, etc. And even after break ups and divorces, a lot of your friends who now have kids spend weekends or time with their kid(s) doing things kids do Or your friends become deadbeat parents who you don't give much respect to anymore. And as you get older clubs/bars aren't exactly the places you go to pick up women. You become too old for those places. You can hit happy hours and martini bars and other more sophisticated lounges, but then again depending on where you live if you aren't making well into the six figures, you aren't dating women from those places. And as you get into your thirties and forties, you start meeting a lot of former divorcees who seem to hate men or women who want somebody to support them and/or their children or women, like the OP, who are out looking for marriage material. Nothing wrong with that but there is a huge difference in going out and having fun on a date even if it leads nowhere, compared to going out with somebody looking to get married on the first date. Dating is fun if you meet a lot of single people who just want to date and whatever happens happens. The problem is as you get older meeting single people like that gets harder and harder. I can not see how dating would be fun if on the first date you grade the other person as marriage material or not. Talk about setting everything up for disaster. Many times you don't really know people even if you've known them for years and you expect to judge somebody after one date. That just isn't fun. Link to post Share on other sites
tinklebell Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Dating is fun if you meet a lot of single people who just want to date and whatever happens happens. The problem is as you get older meeting single people like that gets harder and harder. JP, you're saying how I feel. I enjoy dating, as long as it's with likeminded and open-minded people. It would be like hanging out with close friends but with that bit of romance that makes your heart flutter. I miss dating actually. Link to post Share on other sites
Joey Popps Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Dating should be fun. I try to have fun no matter what I do and regardless of where I"m at and who I'm with. Yeah not every day is peaches and cream but you try to make the best of it. And a little nervousness is probably good. Just like in sports or on a test a few butterflies before an event is good because if you feel nothing it probably means you're dead or might as well be dead or you're just arrogant in a bad way. If you can't enjoy the moment then what can you enjoy. But as I said as you get older dating becomes a chore because everybody has agendas. Some people are so into finding 'the one' they can't ever enjoy the moment and may miss out on a fun date, a fun few dates, or they'll dismiss somebody because so and so had one strand of hair pushed to the wrong side. Like you said, like minded individuals, even if they come from entirely different backgrounds and cultures, can wind up having an amazing time. And it might just be a one night thing. I don't get the philosophy where you have to find love and the one after a few dates. Or the philosophy where if you don't sleep with her on the 2nd date it's a waste of time. Or whatever the hell else goes on. And it goes both ways as females expect this and that as well. Just go with the flow, have fun, and see what happens. Enjoy the moment. But it rarely happens like that. So dating becomes more work than fun. And if it becomes like a chore, who the hell would have fun? Link to post Share on other sites
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