ThatCaliLover Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 I fell in love with a girl who had a boyfriend. Never been in love before or even in a serious relationship so when I started getting feelings I had no idea what I was getting into. We're seeing each other about 3 months before I told her I couldn't just be the "other guy" and I was going to start talking to other girls She started crying and left and I felt like a ****ing monster, I hated myself for making her cry. I sent her a ****load of texts that night asking for her forgiveness, thought we were over forever. We made up 2 days later and I told her I loved her, she said she loved me back. We were in love. Since then, we've gotten back together and split up probably 4 or 5 times. The last time we had sex was about 2 months ago, we had barely started talking again after an argument like a week prior. So it's about 2 at night, studying for a test and she hits me up saying she wants to come over, i'm up waiting til 4, stoked cause we hadn't been together for almost a month and I was ready to have sex all night. So we get into bed and we get going..... about 20 minutes in she comes... I'm thinking great, i'm not even close. "stop" "what?" "you're not wearing a condom...." "I never wear a condom" >< "I've got to get home before my mom wakes up" "It's not even 5 yet..." She gets up and starts gathering her things Jokingly, "damn I feel used" She laughs "Shutup Jeremy..." "No i'm serious. I was your booty call" She laughs again and tells me to be quiet "So... what, this all we're gonna be now?" "I don't know Jeremy... I've got to go" She left, I was sooo pissed off, felt completely done with her. Didn't talk for about a month til i got over it. She texted me a few times but I didn't reply. So, memorial day she hits me up. Comes over and we talk just about random **** for like 45 minutes... Didn't talk about our relationship or anything, both kind of acting like we never even messed around. Since then she's been coming over once or twice a week under the label of "friend". That's what we tell our friends, each other, and I think even ourselves. She comes over and we just watch TV. The first time we weren't cuddled up or anything, but each time we seem to get closer and closer, and the last time she was over we were right on the edge of having sex, I was rubbing her legs... her breasts... her thighs... both breathing hard... I knew how bad we both wanted it, but I stopped myself, afraid of the consequences, and sort of cause I wanted to make her wait before she "got me back" I kissed her on the forehead, got up and got some ice water. We both kind of just proceeded with our movie and acted like nothing happened. Didn't hear from her for another week, we texted about random *****, "what are you up to" etc. She came over today and we both just acted like nothing happened last time, we were all cuddled up again... I know if I want it i just have to initiate it and it'll happen... and I do want it, more than anything. But I'm afraid I'm gonna fall head over heels for her, and that she's only going to want an occasional **** every now and then. I think I'm gonna go for it, soon, and just try my best to hold the feelings at bay. But if I'm honest with myself, I just want us to be back in that magical place... none of these bull***** games playing hard to get and acting like there's no feelings. Just what I'm going through ATM, all speculations and opinions welcome, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Unless you prefer to be a hamster on a wheel, I'd put her out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 , I hated myself for making her cry. dude, when it comes to chicks don't ever feel guilty for making one cry Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThatCaliLover Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 Unless you prefer to be a hamster on a wheel, I'd put her out of your life. I know... I know... it's just so hard for me to let go. I like to think that she has an equally hard time, and thats the reason we always seem to get back together.... because she still loves me. But I don't think that's the case... It's just so impossible for me to get completely over her. I've been with other girls while we had stopped talking, but I can't even get the slightest of crushes on any of them. Every time I'm with a new girl I compare how I feel for them to how I felt towards said girl when we first started talking, and these girls come nowhere near evoking as much emotion... Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Are you both 16? What exactly is your idea of a magical place? A guest spot on one tree hill? The girl already has a boyfriend, yet you two fall in so called love? Not a good sign for you or any man she's dating, because it's a dead give away that at least during this time in her life, the only agenda she's thinking about is hers. If that's the case, which is indicitive by her wham, bam, thankyou mam rendezvous, she doesn't love you. And why are you even having un protected sex? Well, the good news is; you're willing to expose her to std's and risk unplanned pregnancy, so you don't actually love her either, or you would be a stickler for her best interest. At this point neither of you are. This isn't love, this is a bunch of games and ridiculous melodrama. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 I know... I know... it's just so hard for me to let go. I like to think that she has an equally hard time, and thats the reason we always seem to get back together.... because she still loves me. But I don't think that's the case... It's just so impossible for me to get completely over her. I've been with other girls while we had stopped talking, but I can't even get the slightest of crushes on any of them. Every time I'm with a new girl I compare how I feel for them to how I felt towards said girl when we first started talking, and these girls come nowhere near evoking as much emotion... She doesn't love you, hon. She treats you like a plaything, and it's because you allow it. Keep in mind, sometimes that "emotion" we think we feel in the beginning, is really just hormones. It's more important to judge how she treats you NOW, which is like crap, honestly. Man up, put her out, and allow someone in your life who is worthy. This one is NOT, and you deserve far better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThatCaliLover Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 She doesn't love you, hon. She treats you like a plaything, and it's because you allow it. Keep in mind, sometimes that "emotion" we think we feel in the beginning, is really just hormones. It's more important to judge how she treats you NOW, which is like crap, honestly. Man up, put her out, and allow someone in your life who is worthy. This one is NOT, and you deserve far better. you're right, on all three counts. I'm trying, reeeally hard to find another girl, in fact just took one home. She's sweet, has awesome taste in music, cute, not fast at all, but still, I don't feel it. I'm attracted, sure, but I can't see myself in a relationship with this girl... thats what I want... I don't know what to do... everytime my phone vibrates I hope it's said girl... hell, saturday and sunday mornings i'll be hungover as shlt, 7 in the morning my phone buzzes and I get up in a second hoping it's her. I'm having such a hard time getting over her that the main reason I want to get over her is because I think once I'm over her she'll want me back... there's some dark humor for your as s, lol /sigh Link to post Share on other sites
collegekid491 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 You let yourself be her booty call... now your complaining thats all you are? Here's some tips, 1) love isn't that feeling you get in your pants; 2) cheating is pretty low, but not wearing a condom... your not just a sleaze ball, your a moron; 3) people treat you based on how you treat others, you used her as a sexual pleasure, she did the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThatCaliLover Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 You let yourself be her booty call... now your complaining thats all you are? Here's some tips, 1) love isn't that feeling you get in your pants; 2) cheating is pretty low, but not wearing a condom... your not just a sleaze ball, your a moron; 3) people treat you based on how you treat others, you used her as a sexual pleasure, she did the same. I can take criticism as well as anyone, because it's a chance for me to learn, but I don't see any reason for you to go about it like an a sshole. Addressing your comments, The time that she did use me for sex I didn't speak to her for another month, and haven't been with her sexually since, or acknowledged any intimacy for her 1) What I felt for her was not only sexual, it may not have been full, complete love, as we weren't together long enough to cultivate companionate and consumate love, but I did love her. 2) I understand that, I was never cheating on anyone though. Not wearing a condom, I understand it was way out of line and was a stupid choice for both of us to make, I've tested twice since and no harm done. 3) When I first met her, and invited her to a party I threw at my house, yes my intentions were to get to know her, and if she wasn't some wierdo, sleep with her. I'm an 18 year old, single man, and at that point had never experienced anything else. After meeting her briefly at my party, she came over for the next 10 nights until she had to leave over thanksgiving, and all we did was talk, for 4-5 hours at a time. After the first or second night I knew this wasn't going to be just some girl I was going to sleep with and never call back. You've made alot of assumptions and accusations, and delivered them in a nasty, unproductive way. Try another approach. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 First of all, she's playing you good. Second of all, you stated that at the one point, you wanted her to come over for sex. Third, you're letting things happen this way. Either be her play toy, or move on. Link to post Share on other sites
lora22 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 You should have a problem with the fact that she is a cheater. I think that's the point that CollegeKid was making. Either that, or it kinda sucks that you knew she had a bf and went for it anyways. Both valid points. Even if you two ended up dating (which seems unlikely from what you've said), what makes you think that she wouldn't treat you the same way she treated her bf? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThatCaliLover Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 You should have a problem with the fact that she is a cheater. I think that's the point that CollegeKid was making. Either that, or it kinda sucks that you knew she had a bf and went for it anyways. Both valid points. Even if you two ended up dating (which seems unlikely from what you've said), what makes you think that she wouldn't treat you the same way she treated her bf? You make a good point, and I've thought about that alot. I wouldn't enter a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with her until she completely broke things off with her ex boyfriend ( they broke up about a month ago) and we'd have to be exclusive for atleast 3 or 4 months... but even then i'd have a hard time trusting her. Honestly, I'm conflicted about what I want... and that indecision is what's making it so hard for me to make a choice about what to do with my current situation with her. Link to post Share on other sites
lora22 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 You make a good point, and I've thought about that alot. I wouldn't enter a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with her until she completely broke things off with her ex boyfriend ( they broke up about a month ago) and we'd have to be exclusive for atleast 3 or 4 months... but even then i'd have a hard time trusting her. Honestly, I'm conflicted about what I want... and that indecision is what's making it so hard for me to make a choice about what to do with my current situation with her. Why would you want to date someone you can't trust? Link to post Share on other sites
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