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You'reasian

Guys, would you lose attraction/interest for a girlfriend if she gained 20 lbs? 30lbs? 50 lbs? Regardless of the reason?

 

The way I look at it is if I love her, I wouldn't mind. Granted, overtime I would probably confront her about health and lifestyle concerns.

 

If we were just dating, I would say something upfront, granted tactfully.

 

Opinions, thoughts?

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Yes, I would lose attraction and I would tell her.

 

I said this to my wife when she crept up to 165. She was aware of the weight as she'd been neglecting the gym, but got back on track.

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If a woman gains enough weight so that I no longer find her attractive that is a problem.

 

Then again, I hold myself to the same standards.

 

RF

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BobSacamento

For sure. It's more the gluttony and sloth aspect of the weight gain that would cause me to lose attraction.

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Will absolutely lose attraction. Fluctuation of up to 10 lbs or so are probably okay as long as people snap back in shape eventually, but any more, and consistent, weight gain would be gross and I would confront her, and likely walk if things don't improve. (I hold myself up to the same standards. No need to obsess with one's body, but as far as weight control is concerned, this is one of the SIMPLEST things in the world: eat less than you burn and you will never will get fat; that's all there is to it)

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Jilly Bean

7 pounds and then I would dump his ass.

 

And if I put on 5, I would think my BF had reason to dump me, too.

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wow... so much for growing old and fat together... :p

 

I hear what people are saying though.

 

My girlfriend started to slowly gain weight over the years we dated and I could have seen it becoming an issue.

 

My tactic was to try and spend more time with her, finding active things to do together.

 

Staying in reasonably good shape is important.

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Guys, would you lose attraction/interest for a girlfriend if she gained 20 lbs? 30lbs? 50 lbs? Regardless of the reason?

 

The way I look at it is if I love her, I wouldn't mind. Granted, overtime I would probably confront her about health and lifestyle concerns.

 

If we were just dating, I would say something upfront, granted tactfully.

 

Opinions, thoughts?

 

My ex-wife gained weight steadily throughout the marriage, and I tried to encourage her to start trying to lose it. Eventually, after she had gained what would best be described as a lot (since I never saw the scales) she finally told me if I did not like the fact she was overweight I should never have married her.

 

Attraction evaporated. That to me was "I'm glad you look good for me, but we're already married so I don't have to try for you." The attitude was more repulsive than the weight.

 

I shared this, because that is what you made me think of with the way you worded the question.

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7 pounds and then I would dump his ass.

 

And if I put on 5, I would think my BF had reason to dump me, too.

 

Woa, really? I can't even notice 5 pounds or 7 pounds on a person.

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My ex-wife gained weight steadily throughout the marriage, and I tried to encourage her to start trying to lose it. Eventually, after she had gained what would best be described as a lot (since I never saw the scales) she finally told me if I did not like the fact she was overweight I should never have married her.

 

Attraction evaporated. That to me was "I'm glad you look good for me, but we're already married so I don't have to try for you." The attitude was more repulsive than the weight.

 

I shared this, because that is what you made me think of with the way you worded the question.

 

Wow, just wow. She wasn't overweight before you married her right? What a standard to hold someone to, "I can do whatever I want when we're married, and if you don't like it you shouldn't have married me". I guess a man could say the same thing if he cheated on his wife, "If you don't like my cheating, then you shouldn't have married me." lol just plain hilarious.

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10 pounds would be pushing it.

 

It depends why the weight is gained. If they are just becoming careless, then it is not something I will just sit back and watch. Fat is simply not attractive to me, and I take the absolute best care of my body that I can. I have found my girlfriend so attractive because she does the same. If she was to all of a sudden stop one day, we would lose that in common and I would lose respect for her.

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My ex-wife gained weight steadily throughout the marriage, and I tried to encourage her to start trying to lose it. Eventually, after she had gained what would best be described as a lot (since I never saw the scales) she finally told me if I did not like the fact she was overweight I should never have married her.

 

Attraction evaporated. That to me was "I'm glad you look good for me, but we're already married so I don't have to try for you." The attitude was more repulsive than the weight.

 

I shared this, because that is what you made me think of with the way you worded the question.

 

 

Wow, not to keep adding to the negativity here, but I have hard time imagining staying married even another day if I found myself in this situation, kids or no kids. That's basically a spit in the face :mad:, so I understand why she is an ex-wife :).

Conversely, finding myself next to a girl that abruptly changes after marriage is a big fear of mine.

 

As others have said, it is the attitudes that accompany the weight gain that are unattractive. THis is NOT to say that fat as such can ever be attractive, but the point is that people get fat when they don't care or have other issues. I certainly wouldn't expect my future wife to look like a 20 year old at 45 - there are natural changes in the body structure, I get it :rolleyes: - BUT consistently piling on the fat year after year AND not doing anything about it is just gross in every way possible.

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mortensorchid

I used to weigh 45 lbs more than I do now. I gained the weight due to heartbreak. In 2002 my bf who I was in love with and thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, broke it off for some stupid bull**** reason. He had a lot of bull**** reasons for not doing a lot of things. But I still saw him for another two and a half / three years after we had split. At the end of 2005 he moved away and I have not heard from him since. He's not coming back. But I was in a state of denial, thinking that he would somehow see the error of his ways and come back to me, because I knew he would regret his stupid choice to break it off. In the meantime, in a sense of denial, I took out my frustrations and depression in food.

 

Then one day, I got an obnoxious comment from my dad who told me I was fat. I suddenly had a sense of resolve about it, saying "I'll show him! You think I can't do it?! I'll show YOU!" And I took the weight off.

 

People treat you very differently when you are overweight, whether or not you or they realize it. I'm not just talking about friends and family, but complete strangers on the street. The world is not going to change, YOU have to change if you are overweight. I am happier than I was when I was fat, and the world seems to be happier with me as well. Being overweight makes a difference. If you don't believe me, gain a lot and then loose it yourself.

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Wow, just wow. She wasn't overweight before you married her right? What a standard to hold someone to, "I can do whatever I want when we're married, and if you don't like it you shouldn't have married me". I guess a man could say the same thing if he cheated on his wife, "If you don't like my cheating, then you shouldn't have married me." lol just plain hilarious.

 

In fairness to her, she was already overweight when we met, and her weight had not significantly altered by the time we had married. However, it DID significantly increase after we were married, and having been overweight to begin with is no excuse to perpetuate that. At the time I was in the Air Force, and doing a mandatory hour of exercise 3 times a week that she could have attended with me. She actually did so instead of sleeping in exactly 0 times.

 

The point of all that, is if she had even worked out with me, but still have gained the weight she did, I would have been far more understanding of the situation.

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Ruby Slippers

I would only care if it got in the way of his ability to do things -- perform in bed, do physical/sporty things with me that require a good level of fitness, etc. I have been with skinnier guys and stouter guys, and I am fine with either, as long as he has good stamina, strength, and cardiovascular health.

 

edit: Just realized this question was for guys. Oh, well. There's my 2 cents, anyway.

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Star Gazer
7 pounds and then I would dump his ass.

 

And if I put on 5, I would think my BF had reason to dump me, too.

 

:eek: :eek: :eek:

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personally I don't have a problem with 10 pounds, but more than that is pushing it. If she becomes 20 or 30 pounds over weight, I'll want something done about it. If she doesn't care or has no resolve to do anything about it, then I'll leave her.

 

If I gain weight, I'll hold myself to the same standard. I would cut down on snacks and do lots of running. In the past I did have excess weight and I didn't know how to do anything about it. I started running and eating well and *poof became thin. The poof part kind of took a long time though lol.

 

My girlfriend does indeed agree with me that she should strive to stay in shape. She has gained about 10 pounds in the last year from being inactive, but she can work it off.

 

I watched a show on Discovery Health called You: the Owners' Manual hosted by an MD and he said there are many tremendous health benefits from staying fit and exercising. One that stood out to me was the fact that you can keep your joints strong and even improve your posture by exercising. This is interesting because many people complain so much about joint and back pain. It seems like exercise is the best solution.

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7 pounds and then I would dump his ass.

 

And if I put on 5, I would think my BF had reason to dump me, too.

 

Thats pretty rough. Can you even tell the difference between +5,-5 etc?

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JerseyShortie

Well this is depressing. :lmao:

 

Marriage vows should state " I will stand by her, through the good times and the bad. The thin times but not the thick. If she gains weight I'm out the door".

 

Women's bodies are always under scrutiny. Even from the guys in our life who are suppose to care about us. I guess though since most men want 20 year olds, I think alot of women end up giving up because their husbands stop making them feel sexy. It would be nice if we could all look like an airbrushed model with personal dietitions and personal work out instructures. I get the impression that that's what most men want anyway. And men wonder why women are insecurea bout their bodies.

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Jilly Bean
Woa, really? I can't even notice 5 pounds or 7 pounds on a person.

 

I totally see and feel 5 pounds on myself.

 

I would give a guy 7, as men tend to carry it better. lol

 

Still, you get my point. I don't think letting yourself go is ever allowed...

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Jilly Bean
Thats pretty rough. Can you even tell the difference between +5,-5 etc?

 

On me, totally. I run pretty leanish, so 5 pounds on me goes straight to my pooch and hips, so overnight, I can sprout a muffin top.

 

Ick.

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In my only experience with such a reality, in someone I've seen at 100 pounds and 200 pounds, no difference whatsoever. This opinion is based on periodic contact over a couple of decades which marked weight changes in many instances. Met her at ~110 lbs at about 23 years old. She's 47 now and trending closer to her historical high. No change in how we experience each other, at least from my perspective :) Drawing from that sample, I would opine if/when I'm truly attracted, weight is not a factor for me. My stbx was/is always a bit on the heavy side and no factor in my attraction to her. I still think she's attractive but we're just incompatible. Hope that helps :)

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BobSacamento
Well this is depressing. :lmao:

 

Marriage vows should state " I will stand by her, through the good times and the bad. The thin times but not the thick. If she gains weight I'm out the door".

 

Women's bodies are always under scrutiny. Even from the guys in our life who are suppose to care about us. I guess though since most men want 20 year olds, I think alot of women end up giving up because their husbands stop making them feel sexy. It would be nice if we could all look like an airbrushed model with personal dietitions and personal work out instructures. I get the impression that that's what most men want anyway. And men wonder why women are insecurea bout their bodies.

 

Face it, it's really not that hard to eat a salad rather than a bag of Dorritos and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. I do it every day. But sure you can blame men rather than yourself. Cause men are terrible for not being attracted to gluttons apparently.

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Guys, would you lose attraction/interest for a girlfriend if she gained 20 lbs? 30lbs? 50 lbs? Regardless of the reason?

 

The way I look at it is if I love her, I wouldn't mind. Granted, overtime I would probably confront her about health and lifestyle concerns.

 

If we were just dating, I would say something upfront, granted tactfully.

 

Opinions, thoughts?

 

To me it really depends.. I was with a chick that was maybe 110 5 foot tall and she ended up about 140.. the thing is I myself had gained about 20 pounds so I didn't say anything. I think when you're with someone for a while you see the weight gain slowly but if you are fit and get a chick preggo and she gains 30 pounds quick, has the kid, and still weighs that you should bring up maybe going to the gym. its no excuse.. I've seen a few women at my gym that are at least 6+ months preggo still exercising. Personally my sister gained about 100 LB from having 2 kids and I wonder how my bro in law can still pork her as he is 6 foot and 185 and my sister is 5'9" and 240ish. she almost outweighs me (have been lazy and gained weight) Basically if I made sure I stayed in shape and my s/o let herself go I would be a bit disappointed even tho she was preggo because to me being preggo isn't a reason to give up on your health.

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BobSacamento
To me it really depends.. I was with a chick that was maybe 110 5 foot tall and she ended up about 140.. the thing is I myself had gained about 20 pounds so I didn't say anything. I think when you're with someone for a while you see the weight gain slowly but if you are fit and get a chick preggo and she gains 30 pounds quick, has the kid, and still weighs that you should bring up maybe going to the gym. its no excuse.. I've seen a few women at my gym that are at least 6+ months preggo still exercising. Personally my sister gained about 100 LB from having 2 kids and I wonder how my bro in law can still pork her as he is 6 foot and 185 and my sister is 5'9" and 240ish. she almost outweighs me (have been lazy and gained weight) Basically if I made sure I stayed in shape and my s/o let herself go I would be a bit disappointed even tho she was preggo because to me being preggo isn't a reason to give up on your health.

 

I'd have to disagree with you there dude. As soon as my wife fires out the first kid she can do whatever the hell she wants with her body. She has earned the ultimate excuse and in fact I'll probably be more attracted to her.

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