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He found me on a dating site...


LoveLace

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The guy I've been good friends with and having mixed feelings about, due to mixed signals,....I was posting about him right here today, then I randomly decide to check my mail on the dating site that I rarely use, and there C is, sending me a "flirt" message, that any member can do for free, and they have to see your profile to do it 1st...my pics are there and everything...this was just Friday, which he knew I was leaving outta town that day...we talked that day, before I left, about my girl friend kissing him and how it bothered me...

 

Saturday morning I just texted him to have a good day and he never replied, I figured he was just busy because I know he's got a lot on his mind and is dealing with a mess for an Ex...

 

then I get into town today and get this message....I keep thinking there MUST be some mistake here....I don't know what to do....what if he sent it by accident somehow? Should I write him back on there with a joke like, "hey, how convenient that we already have each other's phone number! haha..."....don't tell me this is some kind of a romantic random thing that happens like in the movies....riiiight!!

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JackhammerGemma

If your pics are on your profile on the dating site, he must have known it was you he was messaging, right?

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If your pics are on your profile on the dating site, he must have known it was you he was messaging, right?

 

One would think. And you have to choose "send a flirt" to contact someone....but I'm choosing to ignore this. If he wants to convey something to me, he'll try something else. This could easily have been some kind of mistake..or him just acknowledging that we're both there and saying hi...not something I suggest that "friends" do if they are not thinking of being more. It's a dating site, for chris sakes, if you don't want to lead somebody on, think about what your doing if you decide it might be cool or funny to send that person a "flirt".

 

I've seen guys on sites that I already knew, and not interested in...they contact you and you are not sure if they are contacting to just say hi, or because it's a dating site. Any response whatsoever would make them think you might be interested, so I'm not interested, why bother to write them back at all. If I run across someone I'm friends with already or in the past, I don't acknowledge them because some people don't want it to be known they are using dating sites, and I respect that. When people I know find me on them, I usually feel a little violated like too many people know my business, then....for all of the above reasons, I don't especially appreciate it that he sent me a "flirt"....after hanging out a lot lately, and once telling me he doesn't mean to lead me on, that was like a year ago. Point is, I wish he would have thought more about that before he did it....I tell myself over and over he's not into me like that, I have 1 girl friend who argues that like crazy, but can't bring myself to believe her.

 

Mean time NC has already kicked in for 4 days now and I plan to keep it that way...if anything is up with this (or not), I'll find out soon enough. Otherwise, I"m basically forgetting about the dumb message, and letting space create itself because I feel that's exactly what I need from him right now.

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BobSacamento

If you do nothing he will take it as a blow off I bet. The ball is in your court. If you want to pursue something with him I wouldn't blow him off. You seem like your interested considering you were pissed when he kissed one of your friends. I would treat it as he's interested.

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Well, so much for NC....he broke it already...asked if I was back in town, did I have fun, and asked what I'm doing tonight...I said I can't go out tonight so then he asked about tomorrow night...then he said, how funny that I found you on ____.____.....I was just like yea, funny...so ok I guess it's kind of funny now, actually....I called him a goofball but said it's nice to get a message from a non-creepy, under 50 guy for once...he said hey, I do what I can, whatever that means. Really, things feel back to normal and non-weirdish. I like it that way. His recent, sudden desire to hang out with me a LOT lately, made me wonder at 1st, but I think we just like it that we each have a good opposite-sex friend to talk to and trust...and sometimes these types of friendships can be downright confusing, I'd almost expect that, and I like it that none of this stops us from being pals. This isn't to say it's 100% impossible for more, but it's not likely, either. Mean time, I have a date next weekend....

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BobSacamento

Ah so I see now. He's a contingency friend. He's your plan B or C. You'll toy with him and dance around the subject of blowing him off or not blowing him off. Even get mad when he makes out with your friends! See how other prospects pan out and possibly come crawling back to him. Sounds super lame to me but, odds are, he's doing the same damn thing lol.

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Ah so I see now. He's a contingency friend. He's your plan B or C. You'll toy with him and dance around the subject of blowing him off or not blowing him off. Even get mad when he makes out with your friends! See how other prospects pan out and possibly come crawling back to him. Sounds super lame to me but, odds are, he's doing the same damn thing lol.

 

1st of all, my girl friend was the one who planted one on him, and he was the one who thought it was disrespectful of her, and said it will never happen again because my friendship is more important than her flirting with him, and those were his exact words...

 

I don't have a plan A in the 1st place, so plan B isn't exactly a good name for it. I don't have all that many friends to hang out with in my leisure time, and he's one of few that actually isn't married and has free time during the week like I do...not to mention, a perfectly fun dude. Blowing him off wasn't my plan, it was to give him whatever time he wanted before he desired to hang out again...which happened to be much sooner than I expected and we're hanging out tomorrow. He's a wonderful guy, an attractive guy, but I don't get the idea that he really wants more, even after "flirting" with me on a dating site....I think he was just being funny. If he wants more, it'll come out in time and meanwhile I don't stand around waiting for a clear sign, while I can date people and possibly find someone who wants to be my friend AND lover. I didn't mean to make it sound as though he isn't good enough for me or something, that's entirely the opposite of what's true. If anything, I don't think I'm good enough for him, in some ways...

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