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Looks like he bailed on me


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I'm not sure what went wrong here but apparently he no longer wants to see or at the very least talk to me anymore.:confused: We had a great first date Saturday night ending with a good night kiss and a second date planned for the next day. He even sent me a text on my way home saying I can't wait to see you tomorrow. The second date was a bit awkward and instead of a kiss goodbye I got a hug but I figured it was just because we were both shy and a bit nervous. I sent him a text later saying had a great time but wish we could of gotten a kiss. He sends me one back saying we will make that up next time. I respond to that saying okay sounds good, you take care.

 

That was on Sunday. It is now Thursday and I have heard not a word from him. I guess all that talk about next time was just talk. He apparently has no intentions of there being a next time. I just wish people could be honest. If they're not feeling it then don't talk about the possibility of another date. Just end it there. It sucks because he really seemed like a nice guy who I was starting to like a lot. Ughh this dating thing is tough but maybe I'll get the hang of it soon.

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Bummer. . .the disappearing thing has happened to me in the past as well. Seems kind of common theses days unfortunately. Move on.

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Well, OP, you had a wonderful time on the first date and saw a movie on the second date. Sounds pretty positive to me. I mow the pasture and talk to the goats. I think dating is much more fun, don't you?

 

Try not to think of every man you date as your potential future. Rather, think of them as a purveyor of a good time on that particular day. One day, one good time. Each day, rinse and repeat. Many potentials for you :)

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Untouchable_Fire

That was on Sunday. It is now Thursday and I have heard not a word from him. I guess all that talk about next time was just talk. He apparently has no intentions of there being a next time. I just wish people could be honest. If they're not feeling it then don't talk about the possibility of another date. Just end it there. It sucks because he really seemed like a nice guy who I was starting to like a lot. Ughh this dating thing is tough but maybe I'll get the hang of it soon.

 

Are you Sure? It's less than 4 days later.

 

Have you tried to call him?

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Lindarose84

If you're interested in him, why don't you just send him a text, or better yet give him a call to let him know that?

 

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he isn't interested in you. It is after all, only 4 days. Plus, the time that has passed has been work days. If you really wanted to test the waters to see if he's interested and you don't want to be the one to make the move, at least wait for a weekend to pass. If he contacts you (which I have a feeling he will), great! If not, only then will I start to think that maybe this isn't going to happen for the two of you.

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I wouldnt count him out just yet, he could be working. I go through weeks where I hardly have time to eat, and you two have only been going out for 2 dates. He could not want to seem over eager, or he could have read one of those stupid books that says to wait X number of days to call. As much as waiting sucks, RIGHT NOW, I wouldnt call it a lost cause. If Monday rolls around, and you havent heard anything... then, yeah.

 

As for the 'old Houdini', as I call it, its pretty much the standard these days. If youre not officially with someone, they TECHNICALLY dont owe you anything. Im sure many guys can back me up here, but this is pretty much par for the course for us. I've had some awesome first dates, and thought things were going great....then never heard from the person again. Calls/texts werent returned, etc. Its lame, but people are cowards these days.

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BobSacamento

Personally I never really enjoyed the two dates in a row. Perhaps I fear it may become expected so it might make me back off a bit. Who set the second date?

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Thanks for the responses guys. I was waiting on him to contact me because I hate more than anything contacting him first. I don't want to appear as if I'm desperate and have nothing better to do than wait around for him to say hey i'm still alive over here just been busy. That being said I was weak tonight and broke down and contacted him when I saw him online. I waited a good 20 minutes without him saying so much as a hello to me. Yeah I know that should of been a HUGE hint for me right there that he did not wanna talk. I said hello anyway and we had a brief 5 minute convo before he had to go to bed. He sounded happy to hear from me and we talked like we normally would. He asked me what I thought about last weekend and I said I had a really good time. He said he did as well. He said he was just tired from work and we ended it because he had an early day tomorrow. Maybe it was an excuse or maybe it was the truth I don't know.

 

BobSacamento: He set the second date.

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dressing up
Thanks for the responses guys. I was waiting on him to contact me because I hate more than anything contacting him first. I don't want to appear as if I'm desperate and have nothing better to do than wait around for him to say hey i'm still alive over here just been busy. That being said I was weak tonight and broke down and contacted him when I saw him online. I waited a good 20 minutes without him saying so much as a hello to me. Yeah I know that should of been a HUGE hint for me right there that he did not wanna talk. I said hello anyway and we had a brief 5 minute convo before he had to go to bed. He sounded happy to hear from me and we talked like we normally would. He asked me what I thought about last weekend and I said I had a really good time. He said he did as well. He said he was just tired from work and we ended it because he had an early day tomorrow. Maybe it was an excuse or maybe it was the truth I don't know.

 

BobSacamento: He set the second date.

 

 

Did you think he might be waiting for you to set up the third date? So it doesn't look like he's always the one asking you out?

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Girlygirl1977

He has quite some room to show interest since last Sunday. You initiated the text back about the kiss after the date and it seems more like he is responding to you vs. showing interest for sure.

 

When you were online, he didn't find you first - but he responded to you and didn't make another date. I think he isn't that keen especially as men often continue to set up dates early on if they started this way. If you met him online, even more reason not to get your hopes up. He may be dating around.

 

Anyway - all in all - I would not initiate contact with this guy again. If he comes around great, but find something/someone else to occupy your time.

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Truly Lost

It sounds like he isn't too interested in having another date. If he was, he would be more proactive. He probably has other people he maybe dating as well. There is the possiblility that his work is keeping him very busy, but I still think if he was really interested he wouldn't want to let a good opportunity pass him by.

 

This is what happens in the dating game. I hate playing this game. Some people get lucky and meet the right person on the first try, but most of us will experience either disinterest or rejection at some point in the dating process. It happens. Keep your chin up.

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Thanks all! Yeah, he acted so interested in the beginning and then it's like all of a sudden he isn't anymore. So maybe he found someone better who knows? Ah well that's how it goes I guess. You win some and you lose some. No more contacting him for me. I think it's time for me to give up on this one. It's a shame though because we seemed to have a really good connection. Although maybe that connection was only seen on my end.

 

Truly Lost: I hate playing this game too!!

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Girlygirl1977
Thanks all! Yeah, he acted so interested in the beginning and then it's like all of a sudden he isn't anymore. So maybe he found someone better who knows? Ah well that's how it goes I guess. You win some and you lose some. No more contacting him for me. I think it's time for me to give up on this one. It's a shame though because we seemed to have a really good connection. Although maybe that connection was only seen on my end.

 

Truly Lost: I hate playing this game too!!

 

In early dating - it is always good to have a positive attitude - but I don't think it even should count as dating really till maybe 5-6 dates. You had two dates, so if he isn't interested - it's better that you found out earlier.

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Nikki Sahagin

Eurghhh I HATE dating. I think dating has got to be one of the most demoralising experiences EVER. I prefer to just have friendships first (a lot of my romantic interests seem to develop from friendships) or go out in bigger groups, rather than one on one. I only like dating once i'm in a relationship, otherwise I find them awkward, weird, unnatural things. Don't even get me started on speed dating or blind dates! HORRIBLE

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Don't even get me started on speed dating or blind dates! HORRIBLE

 

Blind dates..:sick:

 

Made me always think that the matchmaker (my friends) obviously don't know me very well!!!

 

I was wondering about speed dating...just as bad?

 

sorry for the t/j

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okay screwed up my post so i'll post again in a bit.

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Eurghhh I HATE dating. I think dating has got to be one of the most demoralising experiences EVER. I prefer to just have friendships first (a lot of my romantic interests seem to develop from friendships) or go out in bigger groups, rather than one on one. I only like dating once i'm in a relationship, otherwise I find them awkward, weird, unnatural things. Don't even get me started on speed dating or blind dates! HORRIBLE

Yeah dating can suck at times, but I think if you accept rejection and disappointments as part of the process, it can make you a stronger person in the long run. I know I can shrug off rejection much easier now than I used to. Besides all of this will make it that much better when you do find somebody you mutually click with. It is a cliche, but the best things in life don't come easy.

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Knowingmeknowingyou

I went on a first date last Friday night, I liked him, we got on well, he asked for a kiss goodnight....which he got! He commented on how much he enjoyed himself and was keen to set up another date. I said that would be good, but couldnt firm up the arrangements there and then so i told him to give me a call. Anyhow, I didnt hear anything so thought seems strange as we genuinely enjoyed each others company, but I just left it at that.

 

Got a message today though, apologising for not being in touch sooner and asking how I am. So thats 8 days later...which isnt a problem as far as im concerned as we hardly know each other, there were no expectations on my part at all, and Im of the old school in that i would wait for the guy to contact me, at least after the first date.

 

Wait and see Cora

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.

 

Wait and see Cora

Yeah, and also go out with other guys while you are waiting. You may find somebody better.

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Okay so I just did something that was way out of my comfort zone. I'm seriously tired of all the games and wanted to make things clear once and for all. So I had a talk with him today and I just came right out and asked him. This is how our convo went...

 

Me: Okay so I have a question for you? When we met last weekend I thought you were a really nice guy and I liked you a lot. I would love to continue getting to know you better and was just wondering if you shared the same interest?

 

Him: Yeah I would like to get to know you a little better also, but you must know I'm a workaholic. I've been in training for the past 7 weeks and now finally able to get back on the floor. So I try to work as much as I can so soon I won't have much free time.

 

Me: That is understandable and I don't expect to see you all the time. I just wanted to know if we were on the same page here or not. So you are interested in getting to know me better?

 

Him: Sure we can go hang out sometime.

 

So, my question is...is this the old work excuse where he is trying to let me down gently or could this be the truth and he really is interested in getting to know me more? I was direct with him which was really hard for me to do. I figured the least he could do was give me a direct answer and not beat around the bush if he really isn't interested. Maybe I just dug my hole deeper by asking him that so soon but I don't want to waste anymore time with someone if they don't have an interest at all. I have been lied to a lot in the past and maybe I'm just letting that get to me, I don't know. So it would be helpful to get anothers point of view on this. Would I be naive by believing what he told me?

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xpaperxcutx
Okay so I just did something that was way out of my comfort zone. I'm seriously tired of all the games and wanted to make things clear once and for all. So I had a talk with him today and I just came right out and asked him. This is how our convo went...

 

Me: Okay so I have a question for you? When we met last weekend I thought you were a really nice guy and I liked you a lot. I would love to continue getting to know you better and was just wondering if you shared the same interest?

 

Him: Yeah I would like to get to know you a little better also, but you must know I'm a workaholic. I've been in training for the past 7 weeks and now finally able to get back on the floor. So I try to work as much as I can so soon I won't have much free time.

 

Me: That is understandable and I don't expect to see you all the time. I just wanted to know if we were on the same page here or not. So you are interested in getting to know me better?

 

Him: Sure we can go hang out sometime.

 

So, my question is...is this the old work excuse where he is trying to let me down gently or could this be the truth and he really is interested in getting to know me more? I was direct with him which was really hard for me to do. I figured the least he could do was give me a direct answer and not beat around the bush if he really isn't interested. Maybe I just dug my hole deeper by asking him that so soon but I don't want to waste anymore time with someone if they don't have an interest at all. I have been lied to a lot in the past and maybe I'm just letting that get to me, I don't know. So it would be helpful to get anothers point of view on this. Would I be naive by believing what he told me?

 

Wow, he has a way around your questions. I would think if he really had wanted to see you again, he would have just asked you out and have it set on a later date. That would prove that despite his busy schedule, he would still make the effort to mark his calender for you.

 

If this was a " game", you just showed him your cards, and he's making you play on his own terms.

 

Cora, do you think you can forget him and date other guys? Because I think if you take your energy away from him and focus on someone else, he might notice you're actually gone.

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Girlygirl1977
Okay so I just did something that was way out of my comfort zone. I'm seriously tired of all the games and wanted to make things clear once and for all. So I had a talk with him today and I just came right out and asked him. This is how our convo went...

 

Me: Okay so I have a question for you? When we met last weekend I thought you were a really nice guy and I liked you a lot. I would love to continue getting to know you better and was just wondering if you shared the same interest?

 

Him: Yeah I would like to get to know you a little better also, but you must know I'm a workaholic. I've been in training for the past 7 weeks and now finally able to get back on the floor. So I try to work as much as I can so soon I won't have much free time.

 

Me: That is understandable and I don't expect to see you all the time. I just wanted to know if we were on the same page here or not. So you are interested in getting to know me better?

 

Him: Sure we can go hang out sometime.

 

So, my question is...is this the old work excuse where he is trying to let me down gently or could this be the truth and he really is interested in getting to know me more? I was direct with him which was really hard for me to do. I figured the least he could do was give me a direct answer and not beat around the bush if he really isn't interested. Maybe I just dug my hole deeper by asking him that so soon but I don't want to waste anymore time with someone if they don't have an interest at all. I have been lied to a lot in the past and maybe I'm just letting that get to me, I don't know. So it would be helpful to get anothers point of view on this. Would I be naive by believing what he told me?

 

He's letting you know straight out that you are not a priority. I feel that if after two dates, you needed to have this conversation - it is not good. Most people are out to impress at this stage and it hints more positively if things could have flowed more positively. I would leave the ball in his court. You are setting this up so that you will be doing the prodding and so I would be very careful. It also just seems you like him more than he likes you. . . .

 

2 dates - doesn't generally mean you are owed any type of conversation to determine your status - sorry. If he left quietly after that, it would simply mean he isn't interested (not that he is playing a game).

 

You can believe what he told you - sure. Now judge him by his actions - i.e. he knows how you feel, and if he wants you - he will come and get you.

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I think he genuinely meant it about being so busy with work, but based on the dialogue you just wrote out, it appears that you are chasing him and giving him too much power.

 

I think you should let this one go. Let him get ahold of you. If he doesn't, then you know he's too big of a flake for you.

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He still did not set up a date. If he was really interested he would make time. Unfortunately you asking those questions put some pressure on him which is not a good thing in the early stages of dating. Same answers as before. Don't contact him anymore and see if he comes around and don't have all your hopes on him.

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