Jump to content

I've made a choice


dreamergrl

Recommended Posts

dreamergrl

I have decided that I am going to end things with bf. He had early this week told me he was coming for a visit next weekend. Then we talked Wednesday morning. He was completely distant, and told me he just didn't feel like talking because he was watching a movie. May I add, this was followed by three or for nights of him claiming he would call me before bed to talk a bit, but then told me he was caught up playing video games or whatever. Then today, I got a random email from his ex of last summer (wtf??) saying he's been calling her all the time and not leaving her alone.

 

I'm done. I can't take anymore. I don't care if he's been faithful or not. This is too much. The only thing I'm wondering is if I should tell him, or just move on and ignore him. I know I hate just getting dumped and not being told, but I don't know if he deserves to be told. Part of me wants to say, leave me alone until you figure out what you want and get your sh*t together. All I know is I just don't want to be with him at this point. I would if there wasn't so much drama crap between us.

 

I wish I would have been more level headed, not jumping to be angry. Part of me feels like I pushed him away, but at the same time, I feel I have a right to be upset.

Link to post
Share on other sites
cyril's fan

You deserve more. But I would think he deserves at least knowing that you're done. That's the least what everyone deserves from their SO.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're not happy with him anymore.. then you need to move on.. forget about him... you're obviously not his priority... why should he be yours?

 

But, if I have only one advice for you: don't break with him.. then take him back 2-3 weeks later.. you need to be strong cause there will be time when you will need strength.. ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
dreamergrl
You're not happy with him anymore.. then you need to move on.. forget about him... you're obviously not his priority... why should he be yours?

 

I know. It sucks, because I go from being happy again to not being happy again. And I need to draw the line and stick to it.

 

But, if I have only one advice for you: don't break with him.. then take him back 2-3 weeks later.. you need to be strong cause there will be time when you will need strength.. ;)

 

I doubt he's going to even try contacting me later on, if I meant anything to him, he would be trying.

 

I think the part that kills me the most is how just last week he made such an effort, and now nothing. I can't help to blame myself for pushing him away.

 

I want to say something to him, and tell him why I am doing it, but I don't even know what to say anymore, because it's all things I tried telling him up until this point. That's the only reason why I don't know if a break up letter will even make a difference.

Link to post
Share on other sites
manugeorge

If you really want to break up with him, then you will tell him it's over and move on accordingly. Ignoring him and having him figure it out is a childish power play that you shouldn't get into no matter how tempting it is. Don't worry, we've all been there, you want one up on him but that is not the way to get it.

 

The way to get your power and yourself back is just to tell him in plain language that this is no longer working for you. Wish him well and move on.

 

Like a previous poster said, say what you mean and mean what you say. Break it off and don't go back.

Link to post
Share on other sites
northstar1
I have decided that I am going to end things with bf. He had early this week told me he was coming for a visit next weekend. Then we talked Wednesday morning. He was completely distant, and told me he just didn't feel like talking because he was watching a movie. May I add, this was followed by three or for nights of him claiming he would call me before bed to talk a bit, but then told me he was caught up playing video games or whatever. Then today, I got a random email from his ex of last summer (wtf??) saying he's been calling her all the time and not leaving her alone.

 

I'm done. I can't take anymore. I don't care if he's been faithful or not. This is too much. The only thing I'm wondering is if I should tell him, or just move on and ignore him. I know I hate just getting dumped and not being told, but I don't know if he deserves to be told. Part of me wants to say, leave me alone until you figure out what you want and get your sh*t together. All I know is I just don't want to be with him at this point. I would if there wasn't so much drama crap between us.

 

I wish I would have been more level headed, not jumping to be angry. Part of me feels like I pushed him away, but at the same time, I feel I have a right to be upset.

 

Thank God. Kick this loser to the curb and find someone who has their life together. You deserve that much.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
dreamergrl
If you really want to break up with him, then you will tell him it's over and move on accordingly. Ignoring him and having him figure it out is a childish power play that you shouldn't get into no matter how tempting it is. Don't worry, we've all been there, you want one up on him but that is not the way to get it.

 

I'm not even trying to make it a power play. H3ll, he was on yesterday, and didn't even read the myspace message I sent him. He doesn't talk on the phone with me. I don't know how to tell him. I could send him an email, but if he doesn't read anything, what am I suppose to do? I don't care about being one up on anything at this point. I just want to do the right thing and move on.

 

The way to get your power and yourself back is just to tell him in plain language that this is no longer working for you. Wish him well and move on.

 

Like a previous poster said, say what you mean and mean what you say. Break it off and don't go back.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Part of me wants to say, leave me alone until you figure out what you want and get your sh*t together.

 

Perfect. Tell him that. He's been nothing but drama.

 

Dreamer, I know how this feels. You meet someone, it feels like you've FINALLY found something great, only to have it dissolve. but the thing you have to realize is that for the last month, you've been on the drama roller-coaster. You're not losing anything. In fact, it sounds like you're dodging a bullet.

 

I think, from personal experience, that relationship that feel like IT too soon often end up suffocating the partners. There's no room to grow and explore.

 

((dreamergirl))

Link to post
Share on other sites
Star Gazer

You go from happy to not happy? When was the last time you were really happy in this relationship?

 

He's clearly not invested, at all. I wouldn't tell him to get lost until he gets his sh*t together; rather, he's had his chance, and you're done.

 

You can (and will!) do sooooo much better than this, Dreamr...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
dreamergrl
Perfect. Tell him that. He's been nothing but drama.

 

Dreamer, I know how this feels. You meet someone, it feels like you've FINALLY found something great, only to have it dissolve. but the thing you have to realize is that for the last month, you've been on the drama roller-coaster. You're not losing anything. In fact, it sounds like you're dodging a bullet.

 

I think, from personal experience, that relationship that feel like IT too soon often end up suffocating the partners. There's no room to grow and explore.

 

((dreamergirl))

 

I know Kamille. Does it sound stupid that I gave it my all, instead of just fleeing? Does it sound stupid that I feel partly responsible for pushing him away, or wondering if that's what happened? I don't even know if telling him to talk to me when he gets his sh*t together is a good idea, because in the end I'll wonder if I'm just going to be the next best thing, like I'm wondering if he's trying to get back with his ex. With her saying "He calls me all the time and wont leave me alone, and he says he's getting annoyed talking to you". I don't know how to interept that. And I know I deserve better, and he should be treating me with more respect if he truly wants me and cares about me. I just wish I could find the right words. I know what I have to do, I just don't know how to do it.

 

You go from happy to not happy? When was the last time you were really happy in this relationship?

 

He's clearly not invested, at all. I wouldn't tell him to get lost until he gets his sh*t together; rather, he's had his chance, and you're done.

 

You can (and will!) do sooooo much better than this, Dreamr...

 

Thanks SG, and I know you're right. I was last happy before he left. I truly felt good about us. The drama stopped. The trust was reformed. On and off since he left, I've had moments of happiness. When I found out he was going to visit.

 

Part of me is scared that he might actually visit (he has family here), and may come around and try to get me back. What if I am not strong enough to hold my ground?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Star Gazer
What if I am not strong enough to hold my ground?

 

Remind yourself of how you felt when he blowed you off to watch a movie, or play video games, and know that if you take him back, you WILL continue to feel that way, time and time again.

 

His priorities aren't going to change over night. Sounds like he's got a LOT of growing up to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
dreamergrl
Remind yourself of how you felt when he blowed you off to watch a movie, or play video games, and know that if you take him back, you WILL continue to feel that way, time and time again.

 

His priorities aren't going to change over night. Sounds like he's got a LOT of growing up to do.

 

So, if you were me, would you bother to even tell him it's done? Do you think it's a power play or being childish to not waste the time, when he doesn't read my email or try calling me? If you would say something, how would you put it, to get your point across?

Link to post
Share on other sites
playlislay

Hun, I know he may have done bad to you BUT you still have to tell him that it is over. Dont play games regardless of him playing games with you.

 

Sit him on the 'naughty step' as it were and tell him why he is there and why he isnt going to have the privileage of having you anymore. Let him explain himself but that doesnt have to sway your decision. This ex may be telling the truth but there may not be much to it. she may want him all to herself.

 

If you dont see a future with him then get rid sweet, but at least do the honorable thing by telling him.

 

Good luck xx

Link to post
Share on other sites
northstar1

You should let him know you are done. Since he has little interest in calling you back it seems, I would send him an email, tell him you no longer see a future and are done and wish him luck and goodbye. That is all.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Star Gazer
So, if you were me, would you bother to even tell him it's done? Do you think it's a power play or being childish to not waste the time, when he doesn't read my email or try calling me? If you would say something, how would you put it, to get your point across?

 

My personality is to take control and make sure the other person knows it. By ignoring him, I'd feel as though he still THOUGHT that he had control, and that he THOUGHT he could come back whenever he pleased and I'd be waiting there like a love sick puppy.

 

So yes, I'd tell him it's done, using some very stern (and perhaps colorful) language.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
dreamergrl
Hun, I know he may have done bad to you BUT you still have to tell him that it is over. Dont play games regardless of him playing games with you.

 

Sit him on the 'naughty step' as it were and tell him why he is there and why he isnt going to have the privileage of having you anymore. Let him explain himself but that doesnt have to sway your decision. This ex may be telling the truth but there may not be much to it. she may want him all to herself.

 

If you dont see a future with him then get rid sweet, but at least do the honorable thing by telling him.

 

Good luck xx

 

Do I bother telling him that I did see a future, before he left? Is that leaving the wrong impression?

 

You should let him know you are done. Since he has little interest in calling you back it seems, I would send him an email, tell him you no longer see a future and are done and wish him luck and goodbye. That is all.

 

You don't think I should explain why?

 

You know I feel stupid, because earlier this week, I snail mailed him a letter. When I was excited about this visit. He's not even going to take me seriously.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
dreamergrl
My personality is to take control and make sure the other person knows it. By ignoring him, I'd feel as though he still THOUGHT that he had control, and that he THOUGHT he could come back whenever he pleased and I'd be waiting there like a love sick puppy.

 

So yes, I'd tell him it's done, using some very stern (and perhaps colorful) language.

 

See, and generally I am the same way. But yet I'm going to feel like a broken record, just repeating myself. Eh I'm not trying to prolong this letter. Just trying to figure out the best way to lay it out. I'm also good for regretting not saying what's on my mind, and wondering if I should have said this or that. I don't want it to be a novel, but I don't want to have unsaid thoughts or feelings, does that make sense?

 

To be honest, I've never had to break it off with a guy like this. I've either been the one dumped, or it was such a nasty nasty (abusive) situation, I just would run for the hills.

Link to post
Share on other sites
northstar1

I would just tell him you are not happy, and things have not been great and you do not see it working out with him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
dreamergrl
I would just tell him you are not happy, and things have not been great and you do not see it working out with him.

 

You know, I think I said this in so many words on the phone on Wednesday, except I think I put it wrong. What I told him was, "Bf, if you don't want to be with me anymore, then lets just end this. I'm the only one trying anymore, and it shouldn't be like that". And the response was, "That's not true".

 

Why is it so hard for someone to just be honest and say, "No I'm not trying anymore, I don't have the same feelings".

Link to post
Share on other sites
Star Gazer
Do I bother telling him that I did see a future, before he left? Is that leaving the wrong impression?

 

You were committed to him. Thus, he already knew you saw a future.

 

Eh I'm not trying to prolong this letter. Just trying to figure out the best way to lay it out. I'm also good for regretting not saying what's on my mind, and wondering if I should have said this or that. I don't want it to be a novel, but I don't want to have unsaid thoughts or feelings, does that make sense?

 

It will only make you feel and look silly in his eyes, hun. Just be direct. HE can't step up to the plate, HE has caused drama, HE is not able to give you want you deserve, HE is not what you want, and therefore you are no longer be interested in a relationship with HIM.

 

To be honest, I've never had to break it off with a guy like this. I've either been the one dumped, or it was such a nasty nasty (abusive) situation, I just would run for the hills.

 

Me either, before the guy before my now-BF. I knew I had to get out of that situation, so I just told him like it was. "I'm DONE. DONE. You're an ASS. Are you this much of a d*ck to EVERYONE you meet? I sure as sh*t hope not, but it would explain a LOT. Goodbye, and good luck."

 

Boy, that felt good. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
northstar1
You know, I think I said this in so many words on the phone on Wednesday, except I think I put it wrong. What I told him was, "Bf, if you don't want to be with me anymore, then lets just end this. I'm the only one trying anymore, and it shouldn't be like that". And the response was, "That's not true".

 

Why is it so hard for someone to just be honest and say, "No I'm not trying anymore, I don't have the same feelings".

 

Because a lot of people are selfish and want to avoid confrontation. Easier to sit and play videogames in Iowa squalor than be respectful and direct with you.

Honestly, the cons are so far ahead of the pros with this fool.

 

Just send him the note and be done with it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like he's reconnected with his Ex and doesn't want to give you a straight answer in case it doesn't work out.

 

Don't play that game. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how upset you are...because he doesn't care. If he cared at all, he'd have been honest with you. He doesn't need an explanation.

 

I'd send him a text saying to never contact me again and then delete him off of your phone and any networking sites, etc. If he tries to contact you, ignore him completely even if he's crying and begging you to talk to him. This guy is a grade A douche and should be treated as such.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
dreamergrl
You were committed to him. Thus, he already knew you saw a future.

 

Good point, glad someone has some logic, because I don't think I do right now lol

 

 

 

It will only make you feel and look silly in his eyes, hun. Just be direct. HE can't step up to the plate, HE has caused drama, HE is not able to give you want you deserve, HE is not what you want, and therefore you are no longer be interested in a relationship with HIM.

 

That is very direct. It's going to be hard pushing the send button, but I know I need to do it. Where's my spine when I need it?

 

 

 

Me either, before the guy before my now-BF. I knew I had to get out of that situation, so I just told him like it was. "I'm DONE. DONE. You're an ASS. Are you this much of a d*ck to EVERYONE you meet? I sure as sh*t hope not, but it would explain a LOT. Goodbye, and good luck."

 

Boy, that felt good. :)

 

That sounds like it did feel good. :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Star Gazer
That sounds like it did feel good. :laugh:

 

Woo boy, did it ever! I still smile at that nastygram I sent. :cool:

 

You'll be proud of yourself soon enough once you do the same. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Trialbyfire

Yes, I agree that you need to shut him down. Your relationship pattern is as follows:

  • He chases, you're relatively happy.
  • He loses interest, you gain interest.
  • You come onto LS, where we kick you around a bit, so you distance yourself.
  • He chases, you're relatively happy.

He enjoys the chase and doesn't know what to do with the kill. You invest when he distances himself. Break the pattern and do it in the way that makes sense to you, a way that you can live with.

 

You've got a number of choices, of how to walk away:

  • You can stop contacting him, which of course, will cause him to chase again, which will result in you letting him get away with it and round, round we go again.
  • You can stop contacting him, which of course, will cause him to chase again, but you ignore him, enacting NC. Are you honestly strong enough to not return contact? I'm not convinced.
  • You shut him down with an email or by phone, one where it's gentle, so he'll pursue again. Round, round we go.
  • You shut him down with an email or by phone, one that's strong and to the point. He might respond, he might not. I don't think he's passive-aggressive, so he'll probably respond with a return barrage of insults, if you insult him, so word it carefully.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...