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! Guy was a bit of a jerk- now what?!


Peaceandlove

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Peaceandlove

This is a recap from my previous post...

"I had been talking with a guy from college for a while and after a party we got intimate- he kept saying how much he had thought about the two of us etc. The next day he was all cuddly and asked if he could take me for breakfast to which I agreed to. We had a lot of chemistry and conversation was easy and we had loads to talk about, talked and laughed for ages- he hinted a dinner date

 

When we were saying goodbye he said what a good time he had and kissed me- then he texted saying what a great time he had and how he would like to meet up soon. Then I didn't hear from him for 2 days and I tried calling him but wouldn't reply. Did the same the following day but he wouldn't return my calls. The next day he texted me saying that he spent the last few days with his ex-girlfriend (which he had mentioned in one of the chats as a relationship which wasn't worth it) and that things were complicated for him because they might get back together and it's bad timing for him! I was soooo pissed after that text

 

Anyways, how do I respond to this guy. I was really looking forward to spending time with him even though I have recently come out of a 5 year relationship and would not jump into anything hastily

 

Any cool responses- or maybe I should say nothing at all and be really cool next time I bump into him"

 

In the end I decided to text him saying that its bad timing for me too and there is no need to explain himself- but dropped the the hint that he should really sort himself out

 

I don't seem to be able to get over what a jerk this guy was and the way he behaved- I'm going to see him at school in two weeks and really don't know how I'll react and how I should react- how do I cope?

 

What do you guys say? - I hate the feeling of being rejected in such a dishonest way

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even though I have recently come out of a 5 year relationship and would not jump into anything hastily

 

I have a feeling you told him this and are getting treated as such.. dont say it if you dont mean it.. because if you did you wouldnt be pissed hes maybe hooking up with the ex.. what would it matter to you? youre not interested in dating..or so you say.

 

Im kind of missing his dishonesty... sounds more like brutal honesty to me. He could have spared you the ex information and just said he wasnt ready/into it/ etc

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Peaceandlove

I most certainly did not tell him I was not ready to date- on the contrary I am certain of my decision to breaking up with my ex and come across as a self-assured well balanced person (my friends say that not me :o)

 

His dishonesty stems from showing a lot of interest (ie paying for everything, sharing personal things, confiding in me, holding doors, being very gentlemanly etc) and then brushing me off with the excuse that he 'maybe' get back together with his ex- if his ex was in his mind all this time he shouldn't have led me on :sick:

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but wait.. you don't want to date. so wouldn't you also be leading him on?

 

the fact is, there are no absolutes in dating.. its total musical chairs.. don't assume where someone is going with it.. some call what he did "getting a wife" others call it "flirting". If you want to be sure where he is going with it, you would have to talk about it or except the fact that anything could happen. If you did have the conversation, he probably would have mentioned him and the ex might not be done.. and you'd tell him you're not ready to jump back into anything.

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Peaceandlove

i like your dielectic approach singleape;)

 

I was definitely not leading him on- as I said I wouldn't jump into a relationship hastily but I really enjoyed his company and thought that maybe in time, considering his initial positive attitude, things could develop between us

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Sorry, I wasn't trying to be a jerk too... I think I was just saying "welcome back to dating". It's a harsh toke sometimes. I just don't want you to waste your energies on hating on this dude. Just move on to some dates with less complicated situations.

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