Dating disaster: I got "side-hugged." Should have listened to my gut instinct

[UCLAMike]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t185585/

 

Above link is my recap of how I met this girl. So basically, 2 nights ago we had this awesome talk and talked for 2 hours on the phone. Ended up going to bed at 4am talking. Even though she said she isnt ready to date, she was very open and willing to hang out with me 1:1. I told her last night, trying to get out of the friendzone, that I think she is really pretty and a good girl. She asked me to play some music for her and I threw in "i'll play for u if u go on a date with me next weekend."

 

She said she will think about it. Last night was just another hang out I supposed. After revealing to her I am interested in her, I had some hopes because she said she was very flattered and she was laughing a lot.

 

Well, I go pick her up today, I see her, and I tried to give her a hug. She sort of gave me the one hand side hug thing. Wow... Then rest of the night it was awkward. It was completely platonic. I noticed her body language and her gesture, and she wasn't interested in more than friends. I guess our conversation didn't go too well either cuz I felt disappointed etc. She showed no interested in me. We go to the movies, and I noticed she had her legs crossed and sort of sitting up and leaning away from me.

 

After a disappointing night, I dropped her off, and this time there was no hug. Just an awkward goodnight.

 

I don't understand why she goes out with me knowing I like her. I should have listened to my gut instinct that this girl isn't into me more than friends. I took a huge risk going out with her the 2nd time. ughh so annoying. She's out of my books now permanently. No more.

[single ape]

Some girls can't resist attention, even if they aren't interested.. you have to watch out for that. At least you picked up on it and are rolling on.. some people would be all "what's this mean? should I call her again? did I do something wrong?" etc etc.. it can get ugly.. sadly.. once you lose interest, she'll probably start calling more.

[UCLAMike]

Some girls can't resist attention, even if they aren't interested.. you have to watch out for that. At least you picked up on it and are rolling on.. some people would be all "what's this mean? should I call her again? did I do something wrong?" etc etc.. it can get ugly.. sadly.. once you lose interest, she'll probably start calling more.

 

yeah after breaking up with my ex of 1 yr and desperately begging and trying to get her back, I learned my lesson. There will be no more chasing on my part and I learned when to let things just die. There is not a chance in hell I'm gonna get played this time. Unless she sends me a box of chocolate cookies and invites me over to her house wearing a sexy lingerie asking me to rock her night, I'm not wasting anymore energy, time, or money into this girl. It's OVAA!!!

 

DAMN I HAVE THE WORST LUCK IN DATING!!!! Ughh what happened to my mojo!

[mr.dream merchant]

Well I'm glad you've finally realized this chick is useless to you. She's kidding herself on the friend's note to be honest. She wants to be with you but there's something holding her back, probably just getting out of that serious relationship not too long ago. If anything she wants to keep in touch and maybe mess around a bit after getting to know you. Like I stated earlier, if I were you, the single you, I'd keep her around just because I could see getting a great **** in the near future. But if you're catching feelings for her, then dip and fast because she isn't looking for an emotional investment right now. You really think she's gonna keep guys friend zoned for any period of time? **** no. She's gonna find a guy who she enjoys his company, and she'll probably end up ****ing him. This could be you, if you learn how to throw your feelings away and just go out with her for a good time. Stop feeding her all the emotional bull****, treat her like one of your homeboys. I'm telling you right now, you could completely turn this situation into a FWB. You just gotta know how to rub a girl the right way, but not to overdo it. She's attracted to you man, but when you start up on that emotional "I wanna be with you" **** she's like "Oh brother I just got outta this ****" She's looking for something different. Some fun, not another trainwreck long term relationship, which is how she's gonna feel when and if she does commit to you. She'll be paranoid a little bit.

 

 

Let me recap:

 

1. If you want some great no strings attached sex in your near future, keep in touch with her, provide her with good times that her other male friends don't give her.

 

2. Ease up on that emotional ****. Save it for when she commits to you. Right now she's looking for something different. She just got out of a 3 year relationship. She's had her share of emotions and enough to keep her wanting away from that for some time. What she's looking for right now is strictly platonic and a good-time (sex included).

 

3. Don't think she doesn't want to kick it with you because she doesn't want a relationship. Clearly this broad is interested in you because she keeps wanting to hang out. She wants to have a good time with you. Sex or no sex, she has great nights out with you. Right now you have it set up lovely to score with this chick no problem but you keep hurting your chances with emotions. Let it play out! After awhile of her getting to know you, getting comfortable with you, she might commit to you.

 

4. Did I say ease up on the emotional ****?

 

5. If its strictly commitment you're looking for right now then bounce. Don't half ass it, it has to be a sure-shot.

 

I can't stress it enough. From what you're telling us here. This chick is mos def interested in you but it seems you keep turning her off with your emotional side. Let up on that man. She knows you dig her, and you know she digs you. But keep it at the level she wants, NO. STRINGS. ATTACHED. This could blossom into 3 possible scenarios that aren't bad at all.

 

- A lovely friend with benefits

 

- A committed relationship

 

- A friend, lmao, obviously this one is the lamest of the three but its a possibility.

 

She's keeping it friendly right now because she's gotta feel you out. I gotta say, she's not liking what she's seeing here because when she's out just trying to have fun you're laying this pressure of committment on her when she just deaded a 3 year relationship. Give it some time, let her breathe. But there's no doubt in my mind that she is feeling you. I hope you pay attention to this advice.

[single ape]

dream merchant.. don't be so hard on him having her as a "friend".. friends have friends.. cute friends usually have cute friends.. and nothing perks a girls ears up like telling her you think her friends are cute.. :bunny:

[mr.dream merchant]

I didn't mean to be hard. The emotional stuff is scaring her. I'd say leave that aspect of you at home and you're good to go. In my experience, I've never had a female friend who'd leave it at that. If you're both good looking people, there's bound to be an attraction that you will act on eventually if you're both single. You're only human. =)

[LucreziaBorgia]

I don't understand why she goes out with me knowing I like her.

 

Some women just like going out on someone else's dime.

[moman]

Just give up meeting women, you sound like a total pushover. STOP TRYING TO BE FRIENDS!

[samspade]

UCLA, you live and learn. Your instincts were correct. And yes, some women will gladly hang out with a man on a platonic level - out of boredom, need for attention, a free ride, OR because they honestly think you're cool with being friends with them.

 

Here is one thing you should avoid....2-hour-long phone conversations. That is for her and her girlfriends or gay guy friends. Call her up, make a little small talk, ask her out, and then tell her you gotta run. Save your charming conversation for the date.

 

Put her on the back burner for now and keep your scopes out for other dating possibilities. A lot of these things you are working through take some trial and error.

[UCLAMike]

i paid for dinner, she paid for the movies.

 

when i didnt' feel the chemistry I kept checking out on her. I went out to make a phone call frequently and did not give her all the attention. I even talked about meeting a good girl in the future etc. this chick is just looking for a friend. there is no doubt in my mind that she thinks i am a good guy but not a good one for a boyfriend. she isn't attracted to me that way. she never felt that way from the get go. even before we met for the first time she told me on the phone she just wants a good time. i didnt think she was for reals. now i know lol.

 

I definitely turned her off last night with just looking down and low. i wasn't having a good night at all. and for some odd reason the thought of the breaking up with ex sort of came back on me and i had a hard night. live and learn~

 

maybe im just not ready to date yet.

[UCLAMike]

Well I'm glad you've finally realized this chick is useless to you. She's kidding herself on the friend's note to be honest. She wants to be with you but there's something holding her back, probably just getting out of that serious relationship not too long ago. If anything she wants to keep in touch and maybe mess around a bit after getting to know you. Like I stated earlier, if I were you, the single you, I'd keep her around just because I could see getting a great **** in the near future. But if you're catching feelings for her, then dip and fast because she isn't looking for an emotional investment right now. You really think she's gonna keep guys friend zoned for any period of time? **** no. She's gonna find a guy who she enjoys his company, and she'll probably end up ****ing him. This could be you, if you learn how to throw your feelings away and just go out with her for a good time. Stop feeding her all the emotional bull****, treat her like one of your homeboys. I'm telling you right now, you could completely turn this situation into a FWB. You just gotta know how to rub a girl the right way, but not to overdo it. She's attracted to you man, but when you start up on that emotional "I wanna be with you" **** she's like "Oh brother I just got outta this ****" She's looking for something different. Some fun, not another trainwreck long term relationship, which is how she's gonna feel when and if she does commit to you. She'll be paranoid a little bit.

 

 

Let me recap:

 

1. If you want some great no strings attached sex in your near future, keep in touch with her, provide her with good times that her other male friends don't give her.

 

2. Ease up on that emotional ****. Save it for when she commits to you. Right now she's looking for something different. She just got out of a 3 year relationship. She's had her share of emotions and enough to keep her wanting away from that for some time. What she's looking for right now is strictly platonic and a good-time (sex included).

 

3. Don't think she doesn't want to kick it with you because she doesn't want a relationship. Clearly this broad is interested in you because she keeps wanting to hang out. She wants to have a good time with you. Sex or no sex, she has great nights out with you. Right now you have it set up lovely to score with this chick no problem but you keep hurting your chances with emotions. Let it play out! After awhile of her getting to know you, getting comfortable with you, she might commit to you.

 

4. Did I say ease up on the emotional ****?

 

5. If its strictly commitment you're looking for right now then bounce. Don't half ass it, it has to be a sure-shot.

 

I can't stress it enough. From what you're telling us here. This chick is mos def interested in you but it seems you keep turning her off with your emotional side. Let up on that man. She knows you dig her, and you know she digs you. But keep it at the level she wants, NO. STRINGS. ATTACHED. This could blossom into 3 possible scenarios that aren't bad at all.

 

- A lovely friend with benefits

 

- A committed relationship

 

- A friend, lmao, obviously this one is the lamest of the three but its a possibility.

 

She's keeping it friendly right now because she's gotta feel you out. I gotta say, she's not liking what she's seeing here because when she's out just trying to have fun you're laying this pressure of committment on her when she just deaded a 3 year relationship. Give it some time, let her breathe. But there's no doubt in my mind that she is feeling you. I hope you pay attention to this advice.

 

Good advice. I'd love to keep her around in case of sex. I didn't do anything particularly wrong last night but I am sure she felt my negative mood. I just texted her "Whats up, did u go to church today?" - no response. lol

 

I think this girl is just too much work and I messed it up too much already lol. Imma go play some bball and just chill the f out and not think about it.

[alphamale]

So basically, 2 nights ago we had this awesome talk and talked for 2 hours on the phone. Ended up going to bed at 4am talking.

your phone conversations with women should be limited to 5 to 10 minutes max. women only talk with their girlfriends for hours on the phone.

 

I don't understand why she goes out with me knowing I like her.

because like most other females she craves attention, if you haven't figured it out yet women's worlds revolve around themselves