darby1 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I agree. If you acquire feelings for someone and it's mutual.. who cares about age! But just know this. When you are a 33 year old woman and dating a 23 year old man boy.. don't be surprised when he has a college girl or two lining up to be his next fling, and don't be surprised that he wants to take part in it! And if you get jealous over this behavior because he does it right in front of you and expects you to understand and see him tomorrow.. choke choke ehhh um! Don't be surprised at all!!! he is a 23 year old. That is what they do.. what they want to do.. what they are going to do. So.. to all of you who think age doesn't matter?? it unfortunately does. Because reality has just sunk in. A 23 year old is going to be a 23 year old no matter how mature you think he is. After the young lad has been around the block enough to get it out of his system.. Mayyyybeeeee then, will he take the time to consider respecting someone. welp! it was fun while it lasted. No regrets. It's my fault for getting too close in the first place. I should have been able to control my feelings better. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Well.. I have to say that for a 33 yr old woman to think she can have a serious long-term relationship with a 23 yr old.. is simply kind of silly... I date men 30+ yrs younger.. and trust me I'm having just as much fun as they are.. they know I don't expect them to be serious or exclusive.. I'm realistic.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darby1 Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 Yeah, I didn't expect it to be exclusive or serious.. I did not expect it thrown in my face either and to my own surprise I developed feelings for the guy causing jealousy. I am very aware of how silly and unrealistic it is. sad but very true. so its over now. lesson learned. emotions don't respond to these facts.. at least not mine. I respond to the person and I can't help that I got to liking him more than I should. It was a great deal of fun while it lasted! too bad age is an issue. talk about slimming the pickings. Link to post Share on other sites
terra Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I don't know - I don't think you can generalize. A lot of 23 year old men might be like that but I know there are a lot who aren't. I have a couple younger brothers who are very serious and want a committed relationship and couldn't be bothered with meeting random girls for fun. I don't think you were stupid to get caught up in a younger man. Older men can act just as immature. I really believe age is a number and some people grow up fast and other seem to never grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
redant Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Terra is right. I've dated men in their 40's and they act or believe they are in their 20's. Link to post Share on other sites
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I'm 21 and mature for my age. That's why I date older. Stick with the late 20's and up. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I used to think I was mature for my age at 21. Hey, I had a full time well paid government job, owned my own condo, had several years of university, etc. Looking back... umm... NO! I wasn't! I think everyone thinks they are "mature for their age" until a few years later and they look back. Maturity is overrated, go out, be immature, and have fun with it. A 23 year old who says they are mature is likely to be fooling themselves Link to post Share on other sites
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 It's very possible to be mature for a 21 yo thanks. You may have had a job and money but what else did you do in your free time? How many other 21 yo's do you know who don't constantly worry about getting trashed, pay their own bills, responsible with the money they make from the military, volunteer on their free time and can hold a nice relationship with and older guy with baggage? I think I'm doing just fine thanks. Just because you made the money and got a condo doesn't mean you were responsible like a mature adult. I was forced to support myself right out of HS. I grew up so don't stereotype. Link to post Share on other sites
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 OR what about the young mothers out there? Sure tons are FAR from mature but what about the ones like my friend who is happily married and a great mother of 2 young children at the age of 22? REAL IMMATURE let me tell ya. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 That wasn't a personal attack against you (I got thrown out by an alcoholic parent at 17 myself, btw). I'm just saying, as a formerly "mature" 21 year old, ENJOY your age and right to be immature. Trust me, you will want it back one day Link to post Share on other sites
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I know it wasn't just at me but there are tons of actual mature young adults. Link to post Share on other sites
c-riouz Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 That is comforting to read. Thanks, Sam. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I used to think I was mature for my age at 21. Hey, I had a full time well paid government job, owned my own condo, had several years of university, etc. Looking back... umm... NO! I wasn't! I think everyone thinks they are "mature for their age" until a few years later and they look back. Maturity is overrated, go out, be immature, and have fun with it. A 23 year old who says they are mature is likely to be fooling themselves I agree completely. I thought I was very mature in my teens and early twenties. Once I hit my late twenties, I was able to look back and see how immature I really was. Nothing wrong with that! I had a lot of fun and did a lot of exploring which is what bieng that young is more often than not about. I'm not saying that there aren't any very young, mature people out there, just saying that the vast majority aren't- even though they often think they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I agree. If you acquire feelings for someone and it's mutual.. who cares about age! But just know this. When you are a 33 year old woman and dating a 23 year old man boy.. don't be surprised when he has a college girl or two lining up to be his next fling, and don't be surprised that he wants to take part in it! And if you get jealous over this behavior because he does it right in front of you and expects you to understand and see him tomorrow.. choke choke ehhh um! Don't be surprised at all!!! he is a 23 year old. That is what they do.. what they want to do.. what they are going to do. So.. to all of you who think age doesn't matter?? it unfortunately does. Because reality has just sunk in. A 23 year old is going to be a 23 year old no matter how mature you think he is. After the young lad has been around the block enough to get it out of his system.. Mayyyybeeeee then, will he take the time to consider respecting someone. welp! it was fun while it lasted. No regrets. It's my fault for getting too close in the first place. I should have been able to control my feelings better. After reading your post I would have to say that age does matter..at least it did to you Link to post Share on other sites
blondesmiler Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Anyone under 30 when your over 30, **** them or date them, but don't aim to marry them one day, it just isn't likey to happen! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 It's unusual that any 23 year old is ready for serious commitment. This doesn't mean that none exist because there are some who want or have this. A 33 year old woman or man who wants this type of relationship with someone that age, had better be prepared for a change of mind, more so than any other relationship where people are of a similar stage in life. Most 23 year olds are still learning a lot about their own wants and needs in life. It can change from day to day, minute to minute until they become more concrete adults. Link to post Share on other sites
loser101 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 it takes all sorts. some men are always faithful no matter how young, others f*** around when they are 50. the problem with the age-gap in relationships is that you are at different stops in your lives. if you are older you are more established, if you are younger you are still trying to spread your wings and figure out who you are. that's what usually creates friction, not necessarily infidelity or sleeping around Link to post Share on other sites
Author darby1 Posted March 26, 2009 Author Share Posted March 26, 2009 Yeahhhh.. i gotta see what that is like. By circumstance, I've never dated a man my age or older. I was in a relationship with one guy for 6 years who was 3 1/2 years younger than me. We just broke up last year and before we dated, I didn't date for a year and before that year I was 25 years old so dating older men was dating 28 yr old's and one who was 30. So here I find myself just turned 34yrs and have never dated a guy over 30! I am attracted to what I am attracted to but would like to be done with the chase and find a forever (in theory), get married and be happily ever after (ha!). ok so I want that, but am a bit cynical. I am sure the odds of finding a man ready for the long run, needs to be over 30.. but in Los Angeles, it seems men here don't meet that desire until their 40's.. and as dillusional as it sounds.. dating guys that much older would feel like I'm dating my father's freinds or something.. that kinda creeps me out. Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Gosh darby - I could have written this exact post. People often experience rapid growth, and change in their 20's. It's my fault for getting too close in the first place. I should have been able to control my feelings better. Me too ... Link to post Share on other sites
Cherished Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I am sorry for your pain. I guess live and learn. My brother married a woman 9 years older and 8 years later they are still very happy. He was already in his 30s however. Now myself...I am in my 30s and haven't dated anyone younger. What gets me is the idiot men on here who claim that men my own age won't desire me, only men a decade older will find me attractive. That is such bull because i succesfully date and have relationships with men who aren't looking for the decade plus younger woman. Not all men want that....in fact, most men don't. Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Men in their 20s seem to remain flaky longer than women in their 20s. Exceptions exist, of course. But certainly there are limits. I recall a study indicating that men tend to marry women half their age plus 7 years. Which happened to match my last marriage. But what would that do now? 55 / 2 = 27.5 plus 7 = 34.5. That's almost a 20 year difference! Think about me, 55, with a vasectomy. And a 20 something. She's going to want kids. Liveliness. Action. And I can't provide that. Regardless of what other things mesh. So there are clearly limits. Even though 20 somethings seem to like me very much. I really feel for women in their 20s. Men in their 20s are mostly pretty weak players. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I don't know - I don't think you can generalize. A lot of 23 year old men might be like that but I know there are a lot who aren't. I have a couple younger brothers who are very serious and want a committed relationship and couldn't be bothered with meeting random girls for fun. I don't think you were stupid to get caught up in a younger man. Older men can act just as immature. I really believe age is a number and some people grow up fast and other seem to never grow up. I agree, age is always a number. I'm 24 and have dated a number of women in their late 20's who are still trying to get their sh*t together. Everyone reaches maturity at a different stage in life - age is not an absolute deciding factor. Link to post Share on other sites
playlislay Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Hey, Im sorry my lovely but it works both ways. I am 23/24 and I got with a 30 (now 31) year old man. Im all up for a serious relationship, children etc, but this man chose to cheat on me in the first 3 months!!! If he would have told me that it was an 'open' relationship then I could have dealt with it but he didnt, he didnt want to lose out on having me as a gf but also wanted to have his cake and eat it! This hurt so much. It takes alot to put trust in someone and thats what I did. I trusted this MAN because I thought he was serious, especially as, well, ya know, he was getting on abit. But no, I got funked around and had my heart broken. Needless to say I stayed with him, as I loved him (shoot me now!), but it caused alot of trust issues and now we have seperated because of them. SO yes, my point is, it works both ways. Good luck sweety x Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I got a PM asking me to weigh in on this thread : guess I've become the LS poster gal for may/december romances ! Whats funny is I never dated younger, and 90% of the time they were older by at least 5 yrs. I guess I have never been number obsessed: it's either a good fit or it's not. In my case I met a handsome lad while I was walking down my street, gave him my card, he called 10 minutes later, I invited him over and he pretty much never left. He is 24, I am 42 and we were married in october ! We just...fit, we get along, we have fun, we have love and respect. It's the best R i've had thus far. I think it helps that he is a VERY grounded, mature " old soul" type, and I can be a bit impulsive, childlike, and goofy, so somehow we balance it all out. I suppose one day when I'm wrinkly and gross, he could wake up and decide to leave, but that happens all the time, all over these boards and in life, with all different sorts of demographics, and I'm a live in the moment sort of person anyway. So, I weighed in. Just one persons experience, but I guess thats what these threads are all about ! PS. Wedding pic is still in the profile if you want to take a peak at this "unnatural union" lol !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Alma Mobley Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Maybe I should weigh in as well... I met my husband when I was 34 and he was 23. I did not think it would work. When I found out his age, I was naturally all, "Uh oh..." But, I kept dating him, not thinking of where it would end. (And, I never lied about my age.) We got married when I was almost 37 and he had just turned 26. We're ridiculously happy. I thought at the time it would be passing fancy, but we have so much in common and have such a good time together! I know this is frowned on here on LS, but that is how it happened for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts