riyehn Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 There's a girl that I'm in two classes with that I went on a date with a few weeks ago. We had hit it off and were flirting in class, so I asked her out on a casual afternoon date. There was definitely a lot of chemistry and we ended up kissing on the street outside the restaurant. Just before leaving she said she wanted to see me again, but she was going out of town for ten days. Well I tried calling her twice after she got back, left a message, but she didn't respond. I figured she wasn't interested anymore. A few days later we had an exam together, and she approached me afterwards at the bus stop. We talked on the bus about the test, and about her trip. Suddenly she asked me if I had left her a message on the phone. I was confused why she would ask me that, so I awkwardly said "um, I guess, yeah." I wasn't sure what to make of the question. She said something about having checked her messages too early after waking up and not knowing if I had really called. This was a week ago. Today was our first class together after exams. I walked in just as she was walking out to go get a snack or something. She gave me a big smile and a friendly greeting as we passed each other. I sat down near where I thought she was sitting, but just across the aisle and about two rows forward. She re-entered the class after it had begun. I felt kind of awkward, like it was rude that I wasn't sitting with her. After class she was chatting with her friend, so I went up to talk, but she just kind of looked away awkwardly and let her friend do the talking. So I went to talk to the professor, and they left while I was doing so. As they were leaving, just before rounding the corner she turned and looked right in my direction for a few seconds before continuing. I didn't see her or her friend at the bus stop afterwards. I don't have a lot of dating experience for a 22 year old, so I can't figure out what is going on. I know things are awkward between us, but I don't know if it's my fault or hers. She said a couple of things on the date that suggested she wasn't sure what she wanted. Also, I made an idiot of myself when she said (jokingly?) that she wanted me to stop her from buying cigarettes. I got all preachy about the health dangers and may have even said she had to choose between the cigarettes or me...this was on the date, after the kiss but before she said she wanted to see me again. She hasn't been completely ignoring me; she texted me once or twice about school and she tagged me a few times in some Facebook stuff. I know this awkwardness has to be addressed one way or another because I am in two classes a week with her for the next two months. Was it me who made her think I wasn't interested? Or was I right, and she had already lost interest? I kind of want to call her and try to clear everything up, but I'm scared that she won't want to talk and that she will ignore me... Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Sounded like a miscommunication to me. Not really anybody's fault - just a mistake. How about you try asking her out again? Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I would just ask her to do something again. She says yes, you've got a date. She says no, you have your answer. I think she wants you to ask her out again But no preaching! I know she kind of asked for it, but truly, preaching is a big turn off. This has happened to me several times and it just makes the guy look arrogant and condescending. Link to post Share on other sites
BobSacamento Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 What are you waiting for dude? It sounds like she wanted to do something with you again but you haven't brought it up. Honestly, it sounds like you've just been stalking her. Also, that was a good test by her with the whole cigarette thing. Now she knows you think she's an idiot haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author riyehn Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 I just don't know how I would ask her out again. While we were at the restaurant she said she had "sworn off dating." She asked me to say that this was "not a date." I got the feeling she didn't really want a relationship...or maybe she just doesn't know what she wants. What did she mean by this? How can I ask her out if she doesn't want to date? She's definitely more experienced in this area than me. Now it feels like, even if she really is still interested, I don't know what I would do. I had started to try to get over her, but every time I see her that all gets undone. All I want to do is know if I still have a chance with her or not. Because if not, then I want to be able to stop getting periodically anxious over this situation. I just have no base of knowledge for knowing what to do next. It was easy asking her out the first time because it was so clean, so black and white. She would either say yes or no. Now she's just confusing me with her mind games...at least I thought they were her mind games, now I think maybe it's my own mind that is playing tricks on me. Maybe I'm just trying to stop myself from taking a risk. All I know is that, considering how little dating experience I have, it feels likely that I'm going to make a lot of mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 That's the only way you learn! Link to post Share on other sites
prettybaby Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Sounds like bad communication to me. Plain and simple. You missed a few opportunities to clear this all up and she didn't help. Just call her, ask her if she wants to grab something to eat on *insert day here*. Don't even bring up the word "dating". You don't wanna have one of those "so are we or are we not?" conversations, it's way too soon for that. Ask her out, and if it goes well and you guys end up going out again, and again, and again, then you'll have your answer. I think she's picking up on the fact that you're unsure (be it about yourself, or about the situation, or both), so she's reacting accordingly. Be a little more upfront with your behavior toward her. You can't read her mind, but she can't read yours either. I'm pretty sure your uncertainty right now stems from a fear of rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
kashmir Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I think she's purposely trying to mess with you. Girls do this. They like to feel power over guys. Sometimes they're just weird. I say ignore her the best you can and move on. That's what I've done with girls like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author riyehn Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 So what would be a good date idea? We went out for lunch the first time at a nice but casual restaurant, and it almost seemed a little too formal for her. Link to post Share on other sites
prettybaby Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I'm sure there are casual sandwich places or pizza places you go to once in a while. Either by yourself or with friends / family. Familiar places are always nice; you'll be less nervous, which as a result, will make your "date" more relaxed too. Offer to grab some takeaway and study at the library together. I don't know, be creative! It's your life, man lol Link to post Share on other sites
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