ruggy Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Everything seems to go back to this chemistry thing, which I still really do not get completely. I can laugh and make them laugh and smile with no problem. I do not really loose my temper. Perhaps it is because I have learned how to control my emotions so well I forgot how to show them? So in terms of positive emotions women like to see, what should I try to let off and exuberant? Just trying not to screw up another one and be 0/3 in such a short period of time. Link to post Share on other sites
zaphodb2002 Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Just be yourself. No better advice. If a girl is attracted to you because you're acting the way you always do, then it has long term potential. And don't do the overly macho thing. Hardly ever works. 0 and 3 is nothing, man. Expect to strike out with 95% of the women you meet. But the one that works makes up for all the rejections. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 Just be yourself. No better advice. If a girl is attracted to you because you're acting the way you always do, then it has long term potential. And don't do the overly macho thing. Hardly ever works. 0 and 3 is nothing, man. Expect to strike out with 95% of the women you meet. But the one that works makes up for all the rejections. Being myself obviously does not work, as I am usually unemotional except for laughing and making them smile. Before I say something I do think it through in my head to see how it will likely pan out ahead of time. With two recent failures under my belt as being myself something is not working. I do not act macho or have an ego so that is not it either. And I am not down on myself, as I think of myself in the highest regard. Not shooting for the hottest hot women either. A women with average looks and smarts. So far, as you can see in my previous posts, knocked down as great nice guy, but not attracted to you with passionate chemistry. While they are attracted to me, not attracted to me with passionate chemistry. Everything seems like it needs to be a Jane Austen novel now with the women I seem to date now a days. Link to post Share on other sites
zaphodb2002 Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 While they are attracted to me, not attracted to me with passionate chemistry. Everything seems like it needs to be a Jane Austen novel now with the women I seem to date now a days. Lol to that, but you do seem like you're getting a little discouraged. You can't force a girl to like you. You can, however, be thoughtful and attentive. I don't think you have to be a sap, but be as honest as you can be. Thinking things out can be bad. Watch "How I Met Your Mother"? Don't Ted up. If you trying too hard, you're doing it wrong. It may just be you haven't met the right girl yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 Yea, I would believe that, but I have tried to be someone who is balanced where only to call or communicate once or twice a week. That failed. Care and have an interest in the woman. That failed. Not give a crap on the other woman and just me, that failed. You can only go one of three ways. I prefer the first one, but all I get it I am a great and nice guy. I do not even say I am a nice guy. They tell that to me! The last one still, even though I am trying to look for a replacement, drives me crazy in both directions. How can two people have so much in common and yet break it off when there is a tiff? Yes, I know, she obviously did not care as much for me as I did for her. I got that. And I am trying to move on (just read the other posts). And yes, when I did talk to her the last one momentarily left my mind. But, lets say hell did freeze over and I do get a couple of dates or so with this one. I need to find out what I am apparently doing wrong that skews everything up. I am not a person who gives up, but man, this is really discouraging. I continuously ask myself if it is worth this additional stress. I really think it is that I am not an overly emotional person. I assume this backs into the passion and chemistry thing a magig. Hard to stop thinking things through before I do it. Everyone always tell me like instincts take over. As strange as it sounds, I do not think I have any instincts left. Everything I do is thought out ahead of time before I do it. So to let things happen naturally or instinctively is not something really possible. Perhaps I should face reality and just accept finding a women is really not a possibility? Relationships is not college. Not everyone gets in. Link to post Share on other sites
Squirtal Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Its not a case of doing anything wrong at all. It just means that the ones you talk about here weren't the ones. I know that that sounds like a cliche and doesn't make what you're feeling any easier, but its true. Let me ask you...have you ever been in something where YOU didn't feel it but they DID? I think we have all been trough bad patches and good patches..its all experience and learning..not only about others but about yourself too. But what has been said is true. Be yourself..and if someone doesn't like you for you well..in all honesty its their loss. I know it hurts and bashes your confidence..but believe me..you'll come back sooner or later, stronger and more confident. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 Yes, sure, but not in dating terms. I try to balance things out. I know that a person is not going to like 100% of someone else so naturally I focus on the positives and put the negatives on a back thought. Like for example. The last one was attractive, fun to be with, smart and enjoyable to talk and to spend time with. The negatives were she's stubborn, think she knows more about something when she doesn't, doesn't stay up with the news, and not very savvy outside her study of work. Now I put that aside as her positives overly outweighed her negatives. Obviously, the reverse did not happen for me. On the contrary, she said she had NO complaints about me. A perfect gentlemen in every regard. Great. But, she does not feel this passionate chemistry. I firmly believe passion and chemistry are parts of a perfect relationship and not the whole thing. Obviously, she differed on this. So, it must be me. It is hard to change, but if it happened twice, it must be that I am emotionally unavailable by default. Link to post Share on other sites
Squirtal Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I can understand where you are coming from to an extent...but if someone says your not the one for them..it also means that they are not the one for you. Maybe in a way it is you..but only in the way that if you are feeling the way you describe..you may put those feelings out there and it may make you emotionally unavailable...and it may attract the same old people all the time...get caught in a loop. Thing is..I just actually think you're too hard on yourself and you need to just enjoy things..you obviously have no problems getting dates, maybe its a case of breaking the chain..building up how you look at yourself..does that make sense? And you know what..you say it only happened twice? Well I can tell you that it happened a lot more to me..I blame modern times to an extent for how relationships are these days..people seem to only want the sex and because its so easy to get out there noone works or wait or respects a monogamous relationship anymore..huge generalisation, and I don't mean anything by it..but..its easier to flit from one person to another than find someone you ant to be with. It is hard for people nowdays..at least from what I see and have experienced..its a case of riding out the badness..I went celibate for a year and learnt who I was to break the chain of extremeness that had come into my life. Seems to have worked. You don't give yourself enough credit Ruggy..I think you should. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 Possibly. Only had one really bad breakup and that was like eight years ago. It was a pretty long relationship, several years. Took me 6 or 7 years to get back in the game. Yes, no sex or dating for 6 or 7 years. Started back up in 2008 and its been pretty rough. First date scene in March 2008 lasted four weeks. Then the next one lasted from April through June. Nothing really through October. That one died cause she had family issues with her father (learned that last week). This one died cause who knows. I can say, a lot less drama in my personal life during those 6 or 7 years. This recent rollercoaster has been a ringer. As always Squirtal, I appreciate your comments and views. Link to post Share on other sites
Squirtal Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 It sucks, really sucks..especially when you put so many years into something then have to start again. I know what you mean about the rollercoaster too...you end up craving just a calm sea rather than the ups and downs. No problem Ruggy, always here to add my little bit in..and I hope it helps sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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