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WHY is he so hard to read?!


zilverenvlinder

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zilverenvlinder

Sorry for the extensive length of this post but I just got the internet back up and am really looking forward to some advice from everyone.

 

So, I've been hanging out with this guy, J, since Christmas, pretty much. Our first "date" was me, him, my girl friend, and his guy friends going to the bar. We hit it off pretty well that night and have been "dating" ever since.

 

First of all, he is absolutely gorgeous. He's better looking than I am. It's hard for me to accept because I'm usually the better looking one in the relationship. (Just being honest here.)

 

He is a HUGE pothead. I don't mind, it just makes him sort of indifferent to everything. I always initiate hanging out. I probably shouldn't but I'm pretty addicted to him by now. I don't know if I'm always the initiator BECAUSE he's such a lowkey, solitary pothead...but EVERY TIME I've wanted to hang out with him, he is right there. He's never once turned me down to hang out.

 

I've started staying at his house on a schedule...every three nights. I am still trying to play this game with him to be unavailable but not TOO unavailable. It's kind of exhausting.

 

About a month ago I was a little drunk and I was laying in bed with him and I asked him if he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He said, "Sure". Quote unquote. We haven't really talked about it since.

 

On Valentines' Day he bought me flowers. I had no idea he was going to get me flowers and I was extremely happy and surprised. We went out with his friends and we were talking about something cool I could do and he was a little drunk and said, "I've loved you even before I knew that you could do that."

 

Later that night we were a little drunk and I told him I loved him and he said "I love you too".

 

I haven't said it since then and neither has he which makes me wonder if he really meant it or if he's just waiting for me to say it or if he regrets saying it at all.

 

Then we went to the store together yesterday and we saw his friend, and his friend's girlfriend, and his friend said "This is my girlfriend Leah.."

 

and J introduced me and said, "This is Z."

 

-_- No "girlfriend".

 

He's really an enigma to me. I mean, his friends all know me and they refer to me as "J's old lady" and "J's woman". I don't really know how he feels about me at all. It's really frustrating and I don't want to scare him off.

 

Am I being pushy? Am I being too distant? Or does it seem like I'm doing it right? Do you think he's just a slow-moving weed addict or do you think he just doesn't want a relationship at all?

 

I'm really glad to be back on here and I'm sooo looking forward to your responses!!!

 

<3 always

z

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GorillaTheater

Well, I'll take a stab at it. And for what it's worth, my perspective is that of a middle-aged man. As far as the description you've given goes, he sounds extremely passive. Could be the pot, could be his personality, could be a combination of the two. Odds are that he'll always be pretty passive. Generally this kind of passivity is NOT something that most women in my experience find attractive, at least in the long run, and you're already experiencing alot of frustration with his attitude. If I had to guess, I'd say that for you his passivity is offset by his his looks. For now.

 

Tell him how you feel. I suspect it won't change things, but there's always a chance it might wake him up, at least a little. But he is what he is, and will only change if he wants to AND is willing to put alot of effort into it. You have to decide what you want. It may not be him.

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So, to sum it up, you want the official title of the girlfriend and you want him to acknowledge it. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

Sit down with him and have a talk about your expectations and find out what his expectations are too. Tell him how you would love to date him and that you'd like to be introduced as his girlfriend. I don't see any other way to do this without being blunt, because guys aren't mind readers and usually need to be told the obvious :laugh: no offense, guys!

 

Hope this helps.

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So, to sum it up, you want the official title of the girlfriend and you want him to acknowledge it. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

Sit down with him and have a talk about your expectations and find out what his expectations are too. Tell him how you would love to date him and that you'd like to be introduced as his girlfriend. I don't see any other way to do this without being blunt, because guys aren't mind readers and usually need to be told the obvious :laugh: no offense, guys!

 

Hope this helps.

 

Oh no ::shaking head:: Bad advice.

 

Having "THE TALK"... after only a couple months?????????? That's nuts. If there is one thing guys hate, it's the notion of "the talk".

 

It's only been about 2 months!!!! Relax, go with the flow. Never pressure a guy into commitment- never, ever. You want him to come to the conclusion on his own.

 

Keep having fun and enjoying yourself. A girl that is cool and not prone to pressuring is a rare bird- be that rare bird.

 

Let things progress naturally. There is nothing you have said that indicates he isn't interested in you.... In fact, it's obvious he is very much into you. After only two months- that's great.

 

No pressure, no "let's have a talk" BS. Listen to his actions- they are telling you he is really into you.

 

If you're already familiar with the "trying not to be too available" thing- you must also be familiar with the fact that barely two months into a relationship is not the best time to have any kind of "relationship" talks.

 

Girl, he likes you- relax and enjoy what's going on now.

No need to rush things after 2 months.

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How is it a bad idea to ask where he sees things are going? The poster mentioned that she's confused with the status of the relationship due to his actions and wants to clarify things a bit. They agreed to be a couple and yet he did not introduce her as his girlfriend. I'd talk to him especially after agreeing to being in a relationship for clarification.

 

It's one thing to ask a couple of questions and quite another to push. Z can ask him where he thinks things are going for her own reassurance and still act cool about it or whatever she decides to do about it. She can still be that rare bird.

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