Aries77 Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 OK, here it is in a nutshell: My high school sweetheart boyfriend (broke up when we graduated and 10 years later we're together again) has a PSYCHO ex. He broke up with her after 5 years together. Now, she is STALKING us! She goes to his favorite bar every Friday night because she knows he'll be there. Then I get a message on MySpace saying that he was "cheating" on me with her (which is NOT true - I have documented support to back it up). He now can't go to his favorite spots with his friends because he doesn't want to cause any more drama between me & her (I HATE her guts and if I ever saw her there would be a big catfight!!!). His friends wanted to support him and go somewhere else rather than their usual spot, but now they've changed their minds and want to go to their usual bar. He's SO hurt that they won't support him in choosing to go somewhere else...this girl even lives like 45 minutes away and still makes a continued effort to annoy us both! How do we get her to stop going everywhere we're going??????? She's obviously immature and won't accept the fact that he's totally over her and into me! Any and all help would be greatly appreciated!! Lost and Curious, Aries77 Link to post Share on other sites
complication Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 First, you sound a bit immature by saying you hate her. She's just upset, typically girls don't get broken up with. You may hate her actions, but not her. Now, a restraining order. /thread Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Well, I hate to say it, but unless she breaches any laws, she can do what the hell she likes. Ever tried reverse psychology? Ever tried lovey-doveying it infront of her and getting sexily cuddly with your BF? Ever tried going right up to her, and saying - "Hi! How are you? Come and join us for a drink!" Ever tried looking straight at her and smiling broadly, and showing her how happy you are? The big problem is, if she knows she's getting to you, it's one heck of a way to perpetuate her behaviour, so the thing to do is to challenge her "truth" and rise above it. Contradict it through your actions together. But whatever you do, do nothing to cause harm, anger or fury, because then - she's got you right where she wants you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 If you don't tell anyone where you are going, then she won't know to show up there. If she is going to where she thinks he is going to be, that is not stalking. Just take a break from nightlife for a few months. Hang out at home, go to the movies, make a quest to visit a new and different restaurant every Saturday night for 8 nights, invite your friends over to your place. And stay off her MySpace and block her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 he doesn't want to cause any more drama between me & her (I HATE her guts and if I ever saw her there would be a big catfight!!!). His friends wanted to support him Along the lines of what Geisha said. It doesn't seem that YOU'VE considered supporting him by assuring him that you will NOT act all 3-year old tantrum-drama queen if/when you see her. His got it wrong that HE is the one who'd be causing the drama...YOU would be doing that, by your own admission. How you've threatened to act is what's stopping him from hanging out where his friends do...that's on you, not on his friends. He ought to be feeling hurt (and frustrated) by YOUR attitude. IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 If you just ignore her and carry on your business, she will soon get bored and find something else to do. You reacting like that is exactly what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Rat Poison woo jk plz don't lol.. Not much you can do unless she actually breaks a law... Link to post Share on other sites
ruggy Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 See. They are all NUTZ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aries77 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 His got it wrong that HE is the one who'd be causing the drama...YOU would be doing that, by your own admission. How you've threatened to act is what's stopping him from hanging out where his friends do... Not really, Ronni_W...you see - his ex is causing all the drama. Yes, I have considered acting sane around her if/when she does happen to come around, I guess that would actually annoy her more! But on the other hand.... HE is choosing not to go to his fave bar to AVOID her. HE doesn't want to see her. HE doesn't want her to be around us. HE is choosing. Granted, I don't even know if I would go with him if he wanted me to just because I know she may be there. EITHER WAY - it is as though she is creating drama, whether we go there or not....we loose either way. That is why I am so confused and don't know what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I totally agree with Geishawhelk. However, your boyfriend needs to figure out what's more important to him: being with his friends, or avoiding his ex. If he chooses being with his friends, then just chill and let him handle it. He's a big boy. If he choose avoiding his ex, then chances are she won't be able to figure out where he is if he goes somewhere else. I've never had a problem avoiding someone if I wanted to. Is there a chance he's getting off on seeing two women get all upset over him? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 That doesn't make sense. How is she creating drama if he doesn't go to where she will be? Why just not take the practical suggestions listed in this thread and avoid going where she will be? Just spend time with your BF (because I assume you would rather spend time with him being happy than being psycho yourself in a bar just because you would rather go to a bar), and let this all go. She'll get bored and move on to someone else, if you just stay away from his old haunts for a couple of months. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 i can't really see how the ex is causing all the drama by simply going to a bar where she has been going regularly for some time......your REACTIONS to this is where the drama is coming from, Maybe she is just getting on with her life? A bar is a public place, after all, and she has just as much right to be there as you do. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 The only thing you can do is disengage from it. Negative attention still works in her favor. Go to different places if your boyfriend doesn't want to see her. Change your phone numbers and online accounts; don't post your schedule or discuss your relationship online if you don't want her checking up on what you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
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