How important is financial stability for women?

[Still Trying]

It's probably the only thing that I don't have going for me in the relationship department - money, like enough to support anyone BUT myself. Love my life, I love what I do, and I'm (slowly, maybe too slowly) working on creative ways at making more money. I feel like I am starting to attract women who want and need someone who makes as much as they do - I mean it makes sense. I just turned 30 last year and I'm pretending that I'm still 20 in that department.

 

I'm bringing this up because my GF has made hints that she'd like it if I pursued different work, continued my education, or start my own business (something that I'd like to do very much). My ex said that I had "Peter Pan syndrome" she was much more critical in this area than my current GF, but I have a feeling my current GF is just smart enough not to bring it up. I've done the corporate america thing for too long and within the last 4 years I've pursued jobs that create a wonderful lifestyle but little money. I've always had a hard time pursuing happiness and making more money at the same time. This whole "real job" thing is a jagged pill for someone like me to swallow.

 

Any thoughts? I feel like everything else I do in my relationships is pretty good but I wish I could afford to take my GF out more often than I do. More importantly home ownership is something that I'll never be able to pursue doing what I'm doing now. Is it OK for the woman to be the primary source of income for a household as long as the man is contributing equally in other areas?

 

thanks!

[carhill]

IME, women can process financial disparities intellectually, especially when the man has goals set and is working to reach them, but fundamental attraction (the hard-wired part) turns on security and stability, so IMO you would need a woman who can resolve her hard-wiring with an intellectual understanding of what you would achieve as a team. Personally, I've met very few women who can do that and develop or retain instinctual attraction for a man. Here's to hoping to see my theory more and more disproven before I die

[Still Trying]

IME, women can process financial disparities intellectually, especially when the man has goals set and is working to reach them, but fundamental attraction (the hard-wired part) turns on security and stability, so IMO you would need a woman who can resolve her hard-wiring with an intellectual understanding of what you would achieve as a team. Personally, I've met very few women who can do that and develop or retain instinctual attraction for a man. Here's to hoping to see my theory more and more disproven before I die

 

Right. I feel that right now, the way things are in a new relationship, this isn't so much of an issue. Taking the next step and pursuing a live in relationship with a woman who makes 2X the money that I do - that's where I'm confused I guess. I feel like deep down inside women still want to be taken care of even after all the equal rights bull**** that's crammed down our throats.

 

Really hoping for some career driven female perspective on this one. If you have a successful career, how important is it to you that your man does as well?

[fral945]

Are you talking about financial security or what a woman's financial expectations will be of you? Those are two different things. You can be financially secure (in that you can afford to pay all your bills) and not rich. There's always a trade-off between making money and doing work you enjoy. Few people do work they really enjoy and make lots of money doing it.

 

I don't really enjoy my job that much, but it provides me good money, job security, and enough time to pursue other interests. I also make enough that if I were to get a wife and kids I could afford them.

[Trialbyfire]

Really hoping for some career driven female perspective on this one. If you have a successful career, how important is it to you that your man does as well?

Since the paragraph above the one I've quoted is so aggressive, I'll respond just as bluntly.

 

I won't have a relationship with a man who will drag down my lifestyle, so he has to make enough that he can afford to go out and play. Ideally, the man will be just as intensely focused on career as I am, as my current man is.

 

I'm not interested in supporting any adult and am completely disinterested in being supported. I'm not interested in having a relationship with a child or to be treated like a child, taken care of...

[Love_Forest]

I won't have a relationship with a man who will drag down my lifestyle, ........

 

I'm not interested in supporting any adult and am completely disinterested in being supported.

 

I think in a similar way.

especially I am not of this country and I can so it means to another must be able too

[norajane]

More importantly home ownership is something that I'll never be able to pursue doing what I'm doing now. Is it OK for the woman to be the primary source of income for a household as long as the man is contributing equally in other areas?

 

House, home and family is important to a lot of people, both men and women. If you rely solely on a woman's income to buy a house, you will have some significant issues when you start a family if you also expect her to stay at home taking care of the kids while you continue to work. If you expect her to go back to work a few months after birth, then you have to find someone willing to put the kids in day care at that age. And then you may run across issues like saving for a child's college education, lifestyle, etc.

 

Point being, some women will be ok with your choices and the financial results to your family, and other women will look elsewhere for a committed relationship.

[ruggy]

I can attest that being successful with money is not an easy job. Throwing another being (girlfriend) in the picture just makes it harder. In this time / world, it is very hard to have your (or her) cake and eat it too. Easier to master one or there the other first and then take on the secondary position. If a secure financial future is your primary goal (which it should be), then you focus on that and then, once met focus on your secondary goal (girlfriend). You can also do it in reverse, but it is seldom a partner (in love) will go through the upheavals to get where you want to be. There is also a good about of failure you have to consider; should you go to a startup or start your own business. 8 out of 10 businesses fail in the first year. Why? Not enough money or overburdened by debt. It is not an easy choice to make, but you have to look into yourself for the answer. If it were me, I would go for the financial security.

[IceIceBaby]

I'm actually in a similar situation as you. My boyfriend of three years makes about half what I make a year. I get very frustrated with him because I want to see more motivation in him. I intend to always work and don't expect him to take care of me, but it would be nice to know that he was making decent money and could contribute equally.

 

I think it's very important to most girls. Even if it's simply because there are so many things that are easier when both people are bringing home decent money. My relationship has completely stalled out...he can't afford to buy me a ring, the idea of buying a house is no where in sight and nevermind the idea of having kids. He can barely support himself, there's no way he can support a child.

 

Personally, I'd rather have someone who contributes equally in all areas...including financially.

[Trialbyfire]

Perhaps men get confused about what equality means. Equality isn't about women pretending to be men, being willing to be the great providers for their little men at home. I personally don't see why men should do this either, in that they should also raise their standards, to whatever level they expect.

 

What it means is that if a woman wants to and is capable of working at the same or greater level as a man, she should be paid accordingly. Gender shouldn't define pay scale.

 

Now, to backpedal a bit, if the couple want to have children where one person stays home to do all the domestic work and raise the children, then the other one has to make sufficient income to support this situation. But...that's the choice per couple. Not every man/woman wants a traditional family approach.

 

Bottom line, stop blaming society and start doing what makes sense to you. No one is universally attractive whether externally or internally. The secret is to find someone who believes the same things as you do. If you want to be cozened, you'd better find a woman who's willing to cozen you. Good luck with that. I would also say the same thing for women who expect to be taken care of. Good luck with that...

 

You'll have better luck finding a woman who wants a SAH spouse, where the man does all the domestics and also, raises the children.

[EnigmaXOXO]

How important is financial stability for women?

 

If it’s the same as financial “responsibility”... than it’s very important. Not so much the “amount” someone makes, rather their ability to maintain their own cost of living. Simply because (like you) I can’t afford to take on the financial burden of another, (or others) while barely managing to keep my own backside out of dept.

 

But TBF brings up a good point when you consider everyone has their own standard of living. I couldn’t afford to keep up financially with someone who was accustomed to the jet set lifestyle. It’s well beyond my means. Similarly, it wouldn’t be fair to expect someone to lower their own standard of living just so their partner or someone they were dating could keep up.

 

As far as marriage and children, I know a lot of families who aren’t fortunate enough to float on one salary. Both partners have to work just to make ends meet these days.

 

I've always had a hard time pursuing happiness and making more money at the same time.

 

Yeah, but look at all those poor souls investing so much of their time and life into their paychecks that there’s little time left over to actually enjoy it. By the time retirement rolls around and you actually have some “free time”, you’re too old to enjoy all those things you wished you had the opportunity to do while you still had your youth and health. And that’s if you don’t keel over from a stress related heart attack, first!

 

“Happiness” is one of those elusive treasures that doesn’t come with a price tag. If you’ve managed to secure a small piece of it for yourself, Still Trying, than you’ve got a lot more going for you than you realize, and you’re a rich man, indeed. Furthermore, if it’s going to cost you any portion of that happiness in order to secure it for someone else... than I say it’s a really bad trade. UNLESS, like a lot of folks, happiness is still a moving target for you.

 

Meanwhile, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either person in a relationship making more money than the other so long as BOTH people are mutually happy with their arrangement. For me, it has absolutely nothing at all to do with a person’s gender. But finding that rare someone who balances and complements you is going to be the real tricky part... and speaking from experience, I still say it all comes down to LUCK!

[chris250]

How important is financial stability? that depends on where you want the relationship to go.

 

If you two have plans to live together or get married someday then yes she's going to think it is important that you are financially secure.

 

Living together is not easy and it requires both partners pulling their weight. It's a teamwork.

 

On the other hand if you don't have any plans to live together and she's just someone you want to see on the weekends to have fun with then finances won't be as much of an issue.

 

If you are not going to live together then it shouldn't have any effect on her what you do with your money.

[alphamale]

i would think for most women it would be in the top three. for gold-diggers it would be number one, of course

[Still Trying]

 

“Happiness” is one of those elusive treasures that doesn’t come with a price tag. If you’ve managed to secure a small piece of it for yourself, Still Trying, than you’ve got a lot more going for you than you realize, and you’re a rich man, indeed. Furthermore, if it’s going to cost you any portion of that happiness in order to secure it for someone else... than I say it’s a really bad trade. UNLESS, like a lot of folks, happiness is still a moving target for you.

 

Meanwhile, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either person in a relationship making more money than the other so long as BOTH people are mutually happy with their arrangement. For me, it has absolutely nothing at all to do with a person’s gender. But finding that rare someone who balances and complements you is going to be the real tricky part... and speaking from experience, I still say it all comes down to LUCK!

 

That's wonderful perspective. Happiness truly is a moving target, and I think that it's supposed to be. Otherwise we'd all be content doing the same exact things we were 5 years ago, how boring! thanks for these thoughts.

 

Ultimately it's not your opinions that matter here I suppose but I was curious as to the general consensus here.

 

Maybe a better question to ask for the women: would you move in with a man who was unable to contribute half of the living expenses? Obviously such a man must be totally kick ass in other arenas. Just curious really.

[Habibti]

It's probably the only thing that I don't have going for me in the relationship department - money, like enough to support anyone BUT myself. Love my life, I love what I do, and I'm (slowly, maybe too slowly) working on creative ways at making more money. I feel like I am starting to attract women who want and need someone who makes as much as they do - I mean it makes sense. I just turned 30 last year and I'm pretending that I'm still 20 in that department.

 

I'm bringing this up because my GF has made hints that she'd like it if I pursued different work, continued my education, or start my own business (something that I'd like to do very much). My ex said that I had "Peter Pan syndrome" she was much more critical in this area than my current GF, but I have a feeling my current GF is just smart enough not to bring it up. I've done the corporate america thing for too long and within the last 4 years I've pursued jobs that create a wonderful lifestyle but little money. I've always had a hard time pursuing happiness and making more money at the same time. This whole "real job" thing is a jagged pill for someone like me to swallow.

 

Any thoughts? I feel like everything else I do in my relationships is pretty good but I wish I could afford to take my GF out more often than I do. More importantly home ownership is something that I'll never be able to pursue doing what I'm doing now. Is it OK for the woman to be the primary source of income for a household as long as the man is contributing equally in other areas?

 

thanks!

 

 

It's one of the most important things. It doesn't come priority before having a genuine and good heart, but it is a necessity. Well, it can be anyhow..there are of course women who want to be career mom's or maybe just career women, not mom's. Either way, a career mom/woman will more than likely expect you to have the same. It all goes back to subconcious thinking..we associate financial stable men as being desirable partners- they will care for their offspring and so on and so forth.

 

The only women I've ever known to claim "money doesn't matter" had low self esteem. Let's face it and be up front; money DOES matter. I don't think it makes you a gold digger either nor does it mean you can't love a man for who he is.

[carhill]

So, using the reverse corollary of attraction for men, if a man were to say "looks don't matter" he would be presumed to have low self-esteem?

 

FWIW, I don't listen to what women say to discern the gold-diggers. I watch what they do. I'm rarely wrong, hence very irritating. Evolution is a painful process.

 

I won't have a relationship with a man who will drag down my lifestyle, so he has to make enough that he can afford to go out and play. Ideally, the man will be just as intensely focused on career as I am, as my current man is.

 

I'm not interested in supporting any adult and am completely disinterested in being supported. I'm not interested in having a relationship with a child or to be treated like a child, taken care of...

 

I wish more women spoke and acted with this clarity. Ambiguity has consumed far too much of my time in life. I might debate the gist of the philosophy, but appreciate its clarity nonetheless

[calazhage]

 

You'll have better luck finding a woman who wants a SAH spouse, where the man does all the domestics and also, raises the children.

 

 

Are we living on the same planet? About 50% of mom's ARE stay at home moms.

 

80% of working moms WISH they could be stay at home moms if they had the ability to. Or just work part time.

 

Please, please, show us some stats in which most women would prefer working and supporting a SAH, over being supported and staying home. We are all waiting...

[carhill]

In my socio-economic circle (friends and acquaintances), I would estimate 1 in 10 (or 10%) of the women are completely unemployed (or non self-employed) SAHM's. None that I know are career SAHM's. In fact, I can't think of one woman I've known in the last 20 years who's been a career SAHM, not even my mom, and she was as close to one as I've ever seen, only working a bit part-time when I was a teenager.

 

A SAHM or H can contribute monetarily in many ways, either by operating a home-based business or by using their skills to enhance the families existing financial assets as a "job".

[Trialbyfire]

So, using the reverse corollary of attraction for men, if a man were to say "looks don't matter" he would be presumed to have low self-esteem?

You've got to be kidding! While I've got someone who wants me for all of me, internal and external, I would have given my left arm for a man like this when I was single.

 

FWIW, I don't listen to what women say to discern the gold-diggers. I watch what they do. I'm rarely wrong, hence very irritating. Evolution is a painful process.

Here's a piece of advice from a woman about gold-diggers in general. If interest through actions increases when assets are discussed, bolt down your wallet or purse.

 

I wish more women spoke and acted with this clarity. Ambiguity has consumed far too much of my time in life. I might debate the gist of the philosophy, but appreciate its clarity nonetheless

Thanks...kind of...

 

Debate away.

 

I will state that it's funny to me that certain men on LS pretend they're not shallow by stating they don't care what a woman is capable of making, that they would date a low to no income woman. The exact same men bitch about women expecting them to pay for everything.

 

Realistically speaking, it's all about the superficial. Is she hawt, therefore a use to me?

[carhill]

Yeah, when a woman catches my eye, I pay careful attention how she talks and acts about the "assets" of others. I put myself in those people's shoes. They are me. I get it that I'm in no way "special" and that she'll change her setpoint regarding such matters.

 

I also note proactive statements about such issues. I ask myself "where did that come from?" and "why would they say such a thing at this time?"

 

I watch to see if "comfortable" and "secure" match actions reflecting responsibility in such matters.

 

I seek stability and security of a different sort, that of spirit and psyche, in a partner, an equal I can count on and whom believes she can count on me.

 

As I often say, time reveals all truths, as well as hypocrisies

[Trialbyfire]

Where I seek it all, stability and security from every aspect. A complete package or no thanks. Btdt, bought the shirt, have thrown the shirt away!

[MissDee]

Honestly, I believe women always want someone to take care of them. In my opinion, I would feel kind of uncomfortable if my boyfriend made less money than I do. Maybe I just have an old school perspective on things when it comes to that but it's how I feel.

 

I also think the main reason to why I'd want my boyfriend to make more than I do is because of our future. If we were to get married and have children, I would want to be out of work for a while to take care of them. If I'm the primary bread-winner, I won't be able to take a lot of time off of work because I need to help support the family since the man isn't cutting it.

 

So basically, if I were dating someone who wasn't making as much money as I am and I see a future with us... of course I'm going to suggest that he continues his education/get a different job/whatever.

[CommitmentPhobe]

I made this point before. The stats show that almost 1 in 2 families in the US spend more than they make.

 

That means as much as women would like their men to take care of them the odds aren't in their favour of finding that.

 

So don't be mislead by what women want v what they can get, or mens wants v reality for that matter.

[Touche]

I made this point before. The stats show that almost 1 in 2 families in the US spend more than they make.

 

That means as much as women would like their men to take care of them the odds aren't in their favour of finding that.

 

So don't be mislead by what women want v what they can get, or mens wants v reality for that matter.

 

Wow, is that true? How sad! And I guess I feel even luckier than I always have to have found someone who is like-minded. I've never, ever spent more than I have.

 

My H is the same way. He had a brief bad time financially after his divorce but that's it.

 

I'm proud to say we live under our means.

[CommitmentPhobe]

Wow, is that true? How sad! And I guess I feel even luckier than I always have to have found someone who is like-minded. I've never, ever spent more than I have.

 

My H is the same way. He had a brief bad time financially after his divorce but that's it.

 

I'm proud to say we live under our means.

 

Good to hear that you found a compatible partner on this, it's not as easy as some think.

 

Yes, household debt is pretty horrific (excluding mortgages which can be offset against the asset)

 

This doesn't just apply to those with a low salary, you can frequently find high earners living beyond their means.

 

The lesson being, look at the level of responsibility and not just the salary. This applies to both sexes. I run away from women that can't separate need from want.