prettybaby Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 So I've been dating this shy man for about 2 months now (yes, TWO), and we haven't kissed on the lips yet (yes, yes, TWO). To make things clear though: we are exclusively dating each other, and he is clearly head over heels with me. In fact, I think our feelings are a little too overwhelming. We can't even stand to stare at each for too long, because our faces turn all red and it's like we're going to hyperventilate lol So anyway, we hung out at his place last night. Ordered pizza, had some wine, he even bought my favorite dessert, and then we watched a movie. We then sort of decided to watch a second one, although that wasn't planned, and spent the end of the evening talking, laughing, and slightly flirting. He drove me back home afterwards, and we kissed on the cheek. We agreed to go out on Saturday, which happens to be Valentine, although neither of us have actually mentioned that word. So I'm not sure what to expect at this point. So anyway, he drove away, I went to my bedroom, crashed on the bed and felt like a failure. We're into each other and somehow we're stuck when it comes to initiating physical things. I'm terribly shy when it comes to that, and so is he. I felt like a loser, and when I woke up this morning, I vaguely remembered sending him a text before I fell asleep. I was so dead tired and had had some wine, so I couldn't remember for sure. I checked my phone, and it was there ... I had indeed sent him a text. The freaking thing included "you're sweet" ... to which I got no response. Mind you, he probably suffered severe lack of sleep today because he had to get up 3 hours later to go to work, and I do know for a fact that his Thursdays are generally overbooked. So I'm trying to be rational and not freak out about this just yet. I guess I just feel confused right now and I'm not sure what to expect for Valentine's. A few weeks ago, I was pretty positive we would have moved to the whole physical stage by now, but it just hasn't happened yet, and I'm trying to take more initiative, but I freeze like a fool. And so does he. What should I do? Should I even buy him something at this point? It wouldn't feel quite right I guess. I don't even know if he's got anything planned or what, I'm so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Oliveman Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Hmmm that's a tough call there. I mean on the one hand you haven't been dating long and haven't been physical, but it seems like you're quite emotionally involved. Maybe make him something? Cook him dinner, or make him a card? I find it odd that he asked you out for Saturday and never mentioned it being Valentines Day. I really can't give too much insight as I'm not shy, but it seems to me like he should have escalated things further unless he's one of those religious jobs that's saving himself, but people like that usually say something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author prettybaby Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 Nah, he's not religious at all lol I do think he has a fear of rejection. He's been cheated on in a pretty nasty way and I think it took him a while to get over that one. Plus he's shy and sensitive to begin with. He's the calm artsy type, really sweet and caring. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 More time together, more outings - let it develop naturally. You will natuarlly show your interest in him and possibly he will return that favor. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I'm so confused. I hate to say this because I think it's overused sometimes, but are you sure he isn't confused over his sexual interests? I mean, two months is plenty of time to get over shyness with a person, and not even a kiss on this lips in that time is suspect. I'm sure he's a great guy, but in the back of your head doesn't it make you wonder if the sex will just suck? The Valentine's issue is confusing, and I think you might be right to not plan much. However, you have to start asking him questions that you might find difficult. When the relationship has an issue that is seriously impacting your self-esteem, it's often easier to just ask than to live with the ambiguity. For all you know, he may feel the same but also cannot muster up the words to get it out in the open...(maybe...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author prettybaby Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 Nah, he's not gay. I can see how you'd wonder though, considering our situation. But there's no doubt about that. I do think -however- that I'm the first girl he's gotten to really date regularly in a long time. We kind of talked about past relationships and dates, and basically, he's just plain shy. But as far as his sexual preference goes, he's definitely straight. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 prettybaby, why are you with a shyguy like this, if you're shy too? Just kiss him, already? Link to post Share on other sites
Author prettybaby Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 prettybaby, why are you with a shyguy like this, if you're shy too? Just kiss him, already? LOL I seriously wonder the same sometimes Thing is, I click with him on so many levels, like I've never clicked with anyone before. Our dates generally last about 9 hours lol! We've both lacked sleep over the past few weeks because our dating rate has gone up a notch ... we used to strictly date during weekends, but now we also want to see each other during week days, so it's been some tough juggling with schedules. And yeah, I guess I should just grab myself together and kiss him ... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 LOL I seriously wonder the same sometimes Thing is, I click with him on so many levels, like I've never clicked with anyone before. Our dates generally last about 9 hours lol! We've both lacked sleep over the past few weeks because our dating rate has gone up a notch ... we used to strictly date during weekends, but now we also want to see each other during week days, so it's been some tough juggling with schedules. And yeah, I guess I should just grab myself together and kiss him ... Do it! If you think about it, you're the one who's taken the initiative since the beginning. It looks like it's going to continue on this way so if you want to make this work, kiss him!!!!! As for being cheated on, that has nothing to do with physicality and taking it slow. This is his personality. Two months without a kiss, while dating regularly...I'm floored at the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author prettybaby Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 Do it! If you think about it, you're the one who's taken the initiative since the beginning. It looks like it's going to continue on this way so if you want to make this work, kiss him!!!!! hmmm, I guess you do have a point here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author prettybaby Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 One idea I had was to basically give him a kiss as a V-day present. I've been thinking about the best scenario for me to also grab myself together and go for it. I thought about telling him at some point during our date that I have a present for him, to close his eyes, and then I wouldd kiss him. Does that sound silly or not? I think I might be less likely to chicken out if he's not nervously looking at me with his face all red and shy. His eyes closed might help, but I don't know, from a guy's perspective, is that the kind of surprise you'd enjoy? Link to post Share on other sites
Oliveman Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Hmmm yeah. Well being sensitive and caring is one thing, as is being shy, but not even kissing a girl in two months just totally blows me away. If I really click with a girl I'm lucky to make it past dinner on the first date. There's times when taking it slow is good, but in a situation where you seem like you can't get enough of each other, I don't really see how being shy or being sensitive really come into play after two months. Is he assertive in other areas or is he just a walking doormat? Not trying to be a dick but this raises a red flag for me. I'm sure he's wonderful but there comes a point where things have to be taken to the appropriate level, and this guy just seems to be stuck. How will he be when more difficult issues arise? Not saying you should find a jerk to date, but there's a difference between a nice guy and a guy with some emotional issues. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 i guess you're going to have to man up so to speak(lol) take the bull by the horns.sounds like a good valentine present.someones gotta break the ice. might as well be you. Link to post Share on other sites
Oliveman Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 i guess you're going to have to man up so to speak(lol) take the bull by the horns.sounds like a good valentine present.someones gotta break the ice. might as well be you. I say invite him over for dinner on Saturday and answer the door wearing sexy lingerie and a rain coat. If that doesn't prompt at least a kiss I don't know what to tell you. Don't forget the high heels... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 If the next time you see him is V-day, sure, wait until then. If you're going to see him sooner, take the initiative then. All the planning in the world can stymy the natural moment of doing so. It can also build up expectation and when the scene doesn't play out as expected, can lead to disappointment. Just kiss him! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Do you cuddle, hold hands, touch at all? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 i say invite him over for dinner on saturday and answer the door wearing sexy lingerie and a rain coat. If that doesn't prompt at least a kiss i don't know what to tell you. Don't forget the high heels... yes! Do this!! Link to post Share on other sites
zhsoj Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Hey, no worries. I'm a shy guy. I'm in a similar situation atm. I think it's pretty clear he is way into you. And IrishCarBomb, questioning his sexuality? Come on, that's pointless. Stereotypes are what make this world dull. The problem here, and I know this well, is that the more you chicken out on something, the more you reinforce that behavior in the future. That said, should you be concerned that the physical aspect hasn't progressed more "normally"? I don't think so. What you should be concerned about however is that YOU want to be physical, and YOU have yet to take the initiative. And the more you psych yourself out on this, the further it is reinforced. It's a vicious little cycle, and you will feel more helpless each time you go round. There are only two ways out of this: either you stop having the urge to be physical, or you grab life by the horns and initiate it yourself. There is the possibility that he will suddenly take the initiative and break the cycle, but eh, do you really want to feel like this until he does? See it as an opportunity to experience what it's like to take control. What us shy people forget is just how great it is to feel like you are in control of your own life. As for valentines, eh... Don't worry about it? I don't know him so I can't really say, but I doubt he asked you to go out on Saturday completely oblivious to it being Valentines Day. So I'd expect something. I'd also expect that if you did anything he'd feel great. Though I wouldn't do anything big as it likely isn't necessary and there is always the possibility that he actually doesn't have anything planned... Do beware that he may clam up a bit if you do do something. I was embarrassed when a female friend baked me cookies out of the blue, and I had no idea what to say so I just said the same stupid thing over and over again... Doh. Link to post Share on other sites
zhsoj Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I say invite him over for dinner on Saturday and answer the door wearing sexy lingerie and a rain coat. If that doesn't prompt at least a kiss I don't know what to tell you. Don't forget the high heels... Just have an ambulance standing by . Link to post Share on other sites
Oliveman Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Hey, no worries. I'm a shy guy. I'm in a similar situation atm. I think it's pretty clear he is way into you. And IrishCarBomb, questioning his sexuality? Come on, that's pointless. Stereotypes are what make this world dull. I don't think he meant it in a negative way. It was an honest question. I'm sure it's happened more than once in the past where a girl has gone out with a guy she was interested in and it never progressed past a really good friendship and clicking well, and the guy ended up being gay. No one's here to be an ass, he was just making sure all the bases were covered. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 That sounds like a good idea OP. I doubt it would be a surprise he wouldn't like. In the event that it is, then I'd say you've got a problem. Two months is way too long before getting a first kiss IMO. Not that it's for me to judge, I usually wait til the fourth or fifth date. It doesn't sound like he is going to make the first move, so I suggest you go for it. I think you should stick to your idea for Vday. Sexual tension is one of the best things when your just starting to date someone new, if it goes on too long though it can cause more harm than good. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Maybe he is a virgin? Link to post Share on other sites
Author prettybaby Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 Do you cuddle, hold hands, touch at all? The whole touching aspect is quite minimal actually. If we do touch, you could probably sense the electricity in the air, because the tension rises right away. I grab his hand and arm once in a while, which he seems to really like. He tends to move his whole body closer to me when I initiate stuff like that. As for the rest, sometimes we end up talking with our faces really close, to the point where we can feel each other's hair on our cheek or forehead lol But the whole kiss thing still feels like standing on the verge of a cliff and feeling vertigo. I gotta say though, he has actually given me opportunities to initiate a kiss, and I know I have missed a few. I just figured it was no big deal and kept waiting for him to initiate the actual kissing ... now I kind of regret I didn't grab my chance sooner. There have been at least 5 times where he'd move his head closer, and have the whole shy gazing look going on. I thought for sure he'd totally lean in at that point, but he chickened out and then so did I. Maybe he is a virgin? Interesting you mention that. I admit it did cross my mind in the beginning; but that wouldn't quite fit with his relationship history. He's lived with a woman before, and neither of them were exactly religious lol We also joked about the movie the "40 year old virgin" and he basically laughed the same way as other guys I know who are definitely not virgins. I'd imagine that a real virgin would feel uncomfortable about it and wouldn't even bring up that kinda topic, or even fake an uncomfortable laugh. That being said, I do get the feeling he hasn't slept with anyone in years. Could that lead to a similar behavior as an actual virgin? Link to post Share on other sites
likestolaugh Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 T That being said, I do get the feeling he hasn't slept with anyone in years. Could that lead to a similar behavior as an actual virgin? yes, if things have happened that could have really shaken or killed his confidence. BUt I agree with everyone here. If you both like each other a lot... just kiss him! Do it on V-Day... no better day really... Link to post Share on other sites
confused_2008 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I think the idea of having him close his eyes for a present is actually a really good idea. I think when you two actually do kiss, it's going to be some crazy chemistry going on. Link to post Share on other sites
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