chrislovestosurf Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I dont like the fact that some women that I meet especially lately jump to conclusions that I am a player. Even after just a short conversation somewhere where they have no idea what my past is, they will say something like "you're a total player arent you." This offends me a lot because although I have shown player behavior in the past I am by no means a true player who goes out to try to screw as many girls as possible. For example if I am talking to a girl in a social setting that I have just met, I am very polite, a great listener, and I never exhibit signs that I am talking to you just to have sex. I wonder if it is because I am 31 and never been married and dont have kids. But there could be many reasons for this other than a guy who wont commit to anyone. thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 You're sending out player signals. Women are perceptive beyond your (and my) understanding. FWIW, I didn't get married until I was 41 and no woman ever intimated that I was a "player". IMO, that's irrelevant. It's your behavior and your aura. I was "friendly" too and had numerous non-romantic female friends. Well, the ladies will be along to tell you the real answer, but I think I got in a good guess Link to post Share on other sites
RRyan65 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 It's simple. When your confidence and game are up to par, women don't recognize this as anything else but "too good to be true". When I say "game", of course, I'm not talking about player game, I'm talking about ability to understand and comprehend women. Here's what women have come to expect from relationship commited males: Needy, pushy, persuasive, desperate, accomodating, pleasing, etc.. A guy who doesn't display any of these, but otherwise is a good relationship candidate, is labeled a player. It's unfair, but it happens. The reality is that true players imitate your style. Why? Because it actually IS what women are looking for. Good listeners, teasers, confident, independent males. That's what they want, but they're only getting it from players. Today's relationship-oriented man is too much of a ****ing sucker and makes the cool, genuine cats look like something out of fiction. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 You're sending out player signals. Women are perceptive beyond your (and my) understanding. FWIW, I didn't get married until I was 41 and no woman ever intimated that I was a "player". IMO, that's irrelevant. It's your behavior and your aura. I was "friendly" too and had numerous non-romantic female friends. Well, the ladies will be along to tell you the real answer, but I think I got in a good guess I think you nailed it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrislovestosurf Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 rryan, that was very insightful thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
RRyan65 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I think you nailed it! Really? I don't think so, bud.... Here's Chris' "player" qualities that women should steer clear from!!!! (sarc) "For example if I am talking to a girl in a social setting that I have just met, I am very polite, a great listener, and I never exhibit signs that I am talking to you just to have sex. I wonder if it is because I am 31 and never been married and dont have kids" WOW! Stay away from this guy! You see, these are qualities that *ahem* even todays males view as 'player-ristic'. Shame. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 This offends me a lot because although I have shown player behavior in the past I am by no means a true player who goes out to try to screw as many girls as possible. This is what prompted my response. His intrinsic emotional setpoint hasn't changed, though he is asserting his behavior has. Women pick up on that setpoint. OP, how many women have you had sex with? A nice round number will do . Also, and this is in no way your responsibility, if you're universally attractive (both men and women gravitate to you), you're more likely to be viewed as a player by women, generally due to their past experiences with other universally attractive males. Do you fit this description? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Ryan if thats you in your avatar, you look like a player... Link to post Share on other sites
RRyan65 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 carhill does bring up a good point, however. Why should a male limit his options if he doesn't have to? That's why good looking, confident guys can play around. It just sucks for those good-looking, confident guys who would like to settle down. Life isn't fair for good-looking, relationship-oriented, confident guys that can talk to the ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
RRyan65 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Ryan if thats you in your avatar, you look like a player... It's the hat, isn't it? But why should I restrict myself from the finer things? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Uh no, its the open shirt and the "How YOU doin'?" pose.... Screams confidence. A little too much, truth be told. Wheres your humility? Link to post Share on other sites
RRyan65 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Uh no, its the open shirt and the "How YOU doin'?" pose.... Screams confidence. A little too much, truth be told. Wheres your humility? Don't want to steer this thread away from the meat and potatoes, but... To be fair, it is a snapshot, lol. If I went to a restaurant or pub looking like that, or sitting in that pose, it would not have any positive effect on picking up girls. I'm just embracing my heritage with the garb I'm wearing. Link to post Share on other sites
zenith Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 another kiwi???? WOW!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Hey I am just helping the OP prove his point. Link to post Share on other sites
movingonandon Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Even if this is true, why do you care? James Bond is a playa (well, until recently anyway), and this hasn't stopped any chicks from flocking to him . As long as they're at your place on weeknights, why do you care? And if you want a relationship - well, she's already there! Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Dude Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I dont like the fact that some women that I meet especially lately jump to conclusions that I am a player. Even after just a short conversation somewhere where they have no idea what my past is, they will say something like "you're a total player arent you." This offends me a lot because although I have shown player behavior in the past I am by no means a true player who goes out to try to screw as many girls as possible. They are trying to test the waters and see if you will submit your masculinity. You should say: "Yeah I'm a player and all the women want to F me, because it drives you wild". Or "If I'm a player, it means a need a toy. Can you introduce me to some hot women?" You need to say in a cocky but playful way, you don't wanna sound dead serious when saying this. The second quote is especially good because it briefly disqualifies her as a potential girlfriend. I will use that one from now on. For example if I am talking to a girl in a social setting that I have just met, I am very polite, a great listener, and I never exhibit signs that I am talking to you just to have sex. I wonder if it is because I am 31 and never been married and dont have kids. But there could be many reasons for this other than a guy who wont commit to anyone. They are screening you out and trying to see your responses to whatever sh*t they throw at you, and they ARE EXHIBITING SEXUAL INTEREST, otherwise they wouldn't be asking you that or screening you! That's actually fun, because you can work from here and turn the tables on her! Game on bro! Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I'm a girl. I'm 38. Not married. The difference between a player and a confident relationship-orientated guy, is sincerity & consistency. Unfortunately for the guys, women tend to be able to smell insincerity a mile away. The question you're asked does exhibit sexual interest in you... but it's also a very tricky question to screen out how you respond to it. If you respond with confidence and sincerity, then it's likely you're probably a relationship-oriented guy... the key is though, you maintain that consistently over a period of time. If you respond with over-confidence, cheesy lines and/or bashfulness, it's likely that you've been caught at your game. The really really good players can imitate the first response really well... problem is, they can't maintain it over time. The idea of a woman asking such a question is to cut the crap. Not all girls will avoid a player, it depends what they're looking for. The last guy I dated 18 months ago was a player... but took me a couple of months to figure him out. Day one my gut told me he wasn't to be trusted but because he was so good at imitating confident relationship guy, I ignored it. Sure enough a while later, we ended up doing the whole fiasco of infidelity, STD clinics etc. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Really? I don't think so, bud.... Carhill is right. I am a woman and we read between the lines, smell the pages, flip from the front to the back, read the inside cover and then do it all over again without you even noticing. Its true we are perceptive and you have to be giving off this "vibe" in order for us to pick up on it. And even if you don't buy it that its just a "woman" thing to be perceptive (maybe its not I can only speak for myself) it can't be denied that we get what we put out there. You don't see someone who has a truly caring heart and think "Gee that man's a bastard." No, you just feel it that they're a nice person. Because its what they are, or at the very least the way they view themselves projected outwards. Link to post Share on other sites
RunAway88 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I'm a player and women don'tr figure it out until too late, by then I have got bored of them and moved on. Women shouldn't hate the player, they should hate the game, because most aren't wired for it and get all hurt. Awww my heart really doesn't bleed for them. Being a player isn't a bad thing, it's the best thing in life, just ask the minority of female players out there. They will say the samething. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Dude Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I'm a player and women don'tr figure it out until too late, by then I have got bored of them and moved on. Women shouldn't hate the player, they should hate the game, because most aren't wired for it and get all hurt. Awww my heart really doesn't bleed for them. Being a player isn't a bad thing, it's the best thing in life, just ask the minority of female players out there. They will say the samething. A player loves women and lives to pleasure women. I sense a lot of misogyny and lack of empathy in your post, almost as if you grudge fck those women and then discard them. Did you get hurt lately? I'm all for polygamy and working multiple women, but it's necessary to respect and love women, otherwise you're just a liar and an assh0le who puts women through hell in order to satisfy his ego and and deal with his insecurities. Almost a sociopathic condition. I unconditionally love all my sisters out there, and if I can share unique and amazing experiences with many of them, it's even better. Link to post Share on other sites
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