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Girls: Would you date a guy who is a loner?


Brady_to_Moss

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Brady_to_Moss

Doesnt have many friends and likes to do things on his own but willing to try new things with you?

 

 

It doesnt seem like a girl would go for someone like me. There are so many guys out there that are better looking and have more fun that me. I have never had a girl really even like me before so thats probally where this is coming from...

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They would date anyone who is a man enough to demonstrate his value and personality, to fire up their emotions and passions and create incredible attraction!

 

That said, it doesn't really matter what else you do.

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Can we just post this every Sunday? :D

 

Come on dude....you've gotten some real good advice from people who've walked in your shoes. It's up to you :)

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Can we just post this every Sunday? :D

lol! He's kinda cute though, with all his one-liner threads and everything.

 

Yeah, I would date a loner. Less distractions.

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I definitely would, just because the guy doesn't have many friends or outgoing interest doesn't mean he's a loser and definitely doesn't mean we wouldn't have fun together. I actually tend to shy away from the really outgoing ones with packs of friends.

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lol! He's kinda cute though, with all his one-liner threads and everything.

 

Yeah, I would date a loner. Less distractions.

LOL, it's just the mirror of my youth talking. Pay me no mind :D

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Totally. My boyfriend is a very keep to himself type man, but he spoils me rotten and we have a lot of fun together.

 

My Ex was a social butterfly, who rarely had time for me. I'd much rather have a "loner" type boyfriend.

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I prefer a loner also, especially since I am not terribly social. When too "loner" types get together, it can be very intense because they can really focus on each other, and can also understand a need for some alone time

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mr.dream merchant
Doesnt have many friends and likes to do things on his own but willing to try new things with you?

 

 

It doesnt seem like a girl would go for someone like me. There are so many guys out there that are better looking and have more fun that me. I have never had a girl really even like me before so thats probally where this is coming from...

 

Self-Confidence my dude. Its key. There's always going to be someone out there better than you at something. You have to be content with yourself before expecting anybody else to.

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I would, I would much rather date a loner

than some party hopping, womanizing, 'popular' guy ..

but of course he must have some friends & a life

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I'm a loner but I'm an extrovert if that makes any sense?

 

I've got no problems striking up conversation, I get along with people, I'm friendly - but I'm a loner because people would rather play cards and watch t.v. alone rather than going kayaking or trying to form a band or something - so I get involved in communities rather than individual friends easier.

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SoulSearch_CO

Yes, I would. My ex is one and it worked out pretty well. I tend to be kind of a homebody, so have no problem with a guy that tends to stick to himself. BUT...I would like somebody this time around that likes to get OUT and do stuff. I can sink into homebody on my own - I don't need somebody else to help me with that. LOL

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I would. Perhaps it is because I am a "loner" myself. I actually am comfortable with myself and like myself. The people I have access to now, are friends, but we do not share some of the same interests, so I can either not do things I like, or do them alone...I do them alone. I am also an only child, so I am used to being "alone". I am wary of people who constantly need to surround themselves with others.

 

Best of luck.

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Women might say they would date a loner or even prefer one, they can't help but be attracted to to party-hopping popular womanizer type of guy with tons of buddies. They'll always go for him over the loner guy. This has nothing to do with the whole jerk vs. nice guy argument. The loner can be confident in himself and simply WANT to be more solitary instead of surrounding himself with people constantly. He will be viewed as a creep or as someone who can't get friends. One thing I've learned is women judge guys by who they're with. If a guy is usually seen with other women, it shows onlooking women that women are comfortable around the guy. If a guy is also around a lot of handsome guy friends, it shows women that the guy is part of a desirable group and has approval from his desirable male friends. He might even be the alpha-male of the group, if he's seen leading them in some way. If a guy is around other guys who have undesirable traits, women will assume that the one guy also shares those traits. If a guy is usually seen alone, women will assume he is just not likable, creepy, or has some major flaw that prevents him from surrounding himself with others.

 

That's what sucks about people's thinking in modern society. People assume that everyone has the desire to surround themselves with others. They never stop and think that maybe a guy just likes to be alone most of the time.

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I would rather have a boyfriend who didn't have many friends. My boyfriend has very close friends and we have gotten into it regarding that.

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I like Kashmir's insight. Good work, young man, in delineating what women want versus what they're attracted to. They're attracted to the challenge of garnering the priority of the social man's attentions and time. IMO, there's nothing unhealthy about that, other than perhaps not admitting to it. The cool thing about the loner guys is that they have a lot of flex time, so are available when the woman needs or wants them. Great potential friends and ego boosts. I can say, from personal experience being married to a social butterfly (which I don't mind), that she's always complained about my homebody tendencies, even though I've traveled with and without her extensively and am open to all social interactions, and the fact that I have just a few good friends. Incompatible setpoints. Likely she talked herself into being attracted long ago. Unfortunate error.

 

IMO, there's a difference between being a loner by choice and being one because one can't function in a healthy way in the world. My mom became a loner as her dementia worsened. Interactions with others became too difficult and uncomfortable and people drifted away. In her case, it wasn't her "fault", but this underscores the difference. Before, she lived alone, was a "homebody" but had good friends and was active in her community.

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I like Kashmir's insight. Good work, young man, in delineating what women want versus what they're attracted to. They're attracted to the challenge of garnering the priority of the social man's attentions and time. IMO, there's nothing unhealthy about that, other than perhaps not admitting to it. The cool thing about the loner guys is that they have a lot of flex time, so are available when the woman needs or wants them. Great potential friends and ego boosts. I can say, from personal experience being married to a social butterfly (which I don't mind), that she's always complained about my homebody tendencies, even though I've traveled with and without her extensively and am open to all social interactions, and the fact that I have just a few good friends. Incompatible setpoints. Likely she talked herself into being attracted long ago. Unfortunate error.

 

IMO, there's a difference between being a loner by choice and being one because one can't function in a healthy way in the world. My mom became a loner as her dementia worsened. Interactions with others became too difficult and uncomfortable and people drifted away. In her case, it wasn't her "fault", but this underscores the difference. Before, she lived alone, was a "homebody" but had good friends and was active in her community.

 

I like Carhill's insight. ;)

 

But I'll have to disagree with what I bolded. Just because a guy isn't usually around people doesn't mean his time is flexible. I'm somewhat of a loner myself. I eat lunch and dinner alone, go to class alone, study alone, etc. I do these things because I'm more efficient working alone than doing it with others. The only time I'm with others is in the morning at my practice and breakfast following it.

 

I used to think my time was really flexible, but now I realized that despite being a loner I have very little time for others. I realized this since a certain girl starting contacting me every day wanting to meet up. Between practice early in the morning, getting enough sleep, classes, studying, reading on my own, guitar, and a number of other weekly activities, I have very little time to be around others.

 

But alas, the art of being a loner is always misinterpreted and misjudged for the worse. :o

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When you're a loner, or at least my version of that word, you occupy your time with activities and pursuits generally of a solitary nature. This in no way lessens their personal importance or your commitment to them. It does, simply because they do not involve social interactions and commitments to others, leave the time to be personally more flexible.

 

For example, if my wife has asked me to do something today over at her house, like install a garbage disposal or a vent fan, and I've said, sure, hon, I'll take care of it, I've made a commitment of that time which I personally would have a hard time abrogating. It would be the same for a friend. However, if I had tasked myself to do the same at my own home, I have no intrinsic obligation to anyone but myself and am completely free to stand myself up if a friend calls and invites me to go skiing for the day. In the former situation, I'd decline (to go skiing), simply because my prior commitment to my wife/friend, etc, comes first. In the latter, I can feel more flexible. I don't *have* to be more flexible, but I *can* be more flexible and feel good about it. Conversely, I would feel "bad" about preferring personal pleasure at the expense of a prior commitment.

 

The above is one unique psychological setpoint. Six billion more to go :)

 

TBH, IME, women appear to be more attracted to the skiing guy than the show up on time ready to work guy. YMMV :)

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Women might say they would date a loner or even prefer one, they can't help but be attracted to to party-hopping popular womanizer type of guy with tons of buddies. They'll always go for him over the loner guy. This has nothing to do with the whole jerk vs. nice guy argument. The loner can be confident in himself and simply WANT to be more solitary instead of surrounding himself with people constantly. He will be viewed as a creep or as someone who can't get friends. One thing I've learned is women judge guys by who they're with. If a guy is usually seen with other women, it shows onlooking women that women are comfortable around the guy. If a guy is also around a lot of handsome guy friends, it shows women that the guy is part of a desirable group and has approval from his desirable male friends. He might even be the alpha-male of the group, if he's seen leading them in some way. If a guy is around other guys who have undesirable traits, women will assume that the one guy also shares those traits. If a guy is usually seen alone, women will assume he is just not likable, creepy, or has some major flaw that prevents him from surrounding himself with others.

 

That's what sucks about people's thinking in modern society. People assume that everyone has the desire to surround themselves with others. They never stop and think that maybe a guy just likes to be alone most of the time.

 

I really disagree with this - I see a guy surrounded by adoring women or the alpha male in a groups of guys, and I think "player- not interested". Someone overly shy might be viewed as a wuss, which isn't attractive, but someone contemplative is attractive

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