Am I ready to venture forth?

[Rilke-boy]

Hi everyone,

 

Hope you're all doing well.

 

I suppose my situation is fairly straightforward. I was recently in a four-and-a-half-month relationship. It was very intense, and it ended when the other person decided that they couldn't deal with my anxieties about certain (though I did make considerable progress at the ending stages of relationship, particularly in response to her anxieties about my anxieties) things, and that they needed to undergo a journey of self-discovery in which I couldn't an emotional constant. When I asked this person why they couldn't undergo this journey of self-discovery while in a relationship with me, they couldn't give me an answer. The best answer that they could come up with was that maybe they were scared of commitment.

 

So, it's been about five weeks since this relationship ended, and I've worked through as much of the grieving process as I can. I'm an aspiring writer, so writing was my way of sorting through my emotions about the entire thing. It was very effective, and I've reached the point where though I am still angry at this person, I've realized that I can also view them with compassion and admit that I care for them very much. In fact, I've contacted this person and told them that I still care for them very much and given them some advice about their journey of self-discovery.

 

It seems like I'm ready to start dating again, but I suppose that I want to make sure that I don't hurt anyone needlessly. I'm in therapy right now, but it seems fair to say that it shouldn't be an impediment to my being involved in a romantic relationship. I suppose that the correct analogy is that even if you're a tennis player who breaks his arm, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't test your arm out after a certain amount of time in physical therapy to see if you can play again. And this relationship taught me many things; this woman was the first one I ever bared my soul to, and that was a huge deal for me. As sad as it is that it didn't work out, I can definitely say that the relationship expanded my capacity to love and to participate more fully in life.

 

So it seems to me that I would be ready to date again. Does anyone out there in cyberland see any reason why I shouldn't wet my feet again? Maybe some important information is also that I'm 24 years old. It seems like one, according to the wise people in my life, can recover more quickly from these psychic wounds when one is younger. Oh, and don't you all doubt for a minute that it still doesn't hurt. Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches all remind me of her sometimes, enough to make me wince or curse her name involuntarily. Does that mean that I'm not yet ready?

 

Thanks very much for taking the time to read this, if indeed anyone does, and any help would be much appreciated.

[sunflower]

I see no reason why you shouldn't be wetting your feet again.

 

You seem like a bright guy, with a good head on your shoulders. You also seem sensitive. You seem to be aware of things, which is good.

 

It's good that you are in therapy.

 

Just do some light dating, and enjoy the time.

[Rilke-boy]

Thank you for the affirmation and the advice, sunflower.

[Ally Boo]

All you can do is try again. Why hold back? You seem to be in a good frame of mind, and there is no reason why you shouldn't let yourself live and learn more about relationships. Go for it!!

[Rilke-boy]

Thanks for the encouragement, Ally. I think you're right. What I'm trying to do as of late, as the poet Rainer Maria Rilke advises (yep, he's the one that inspired my user name), is to love the questions that life throws at me. His writings on love are among the most profound I've ever read, and I would advise anyone who wants to take a mature approach to love to read them. This seems to be a nice community, and I'm glad that I've joined it thus far.

[bhsunny21]

I think that Ally and Sunflower hit it right on the head. If you are feeling confident on playing the field again, go for it! I remember how I was when I first got out of a four and a half year relationship. It was scary at first, but you get used to it and learn a lot about yourself and how you changed because of the relationship. I did, anyhow. I feel I am a better person because of the experience. Good luck in the field

[Rilke-boy]

thank you, bhsunny21. I do feel pretty confident about myself, to be honest. Essentially, I feel more confident about myself than I ever have before, despite the break-up. I'm seeing some of our mutual friends tonight, and it feels good to know that I will be happy to see them and will not have any sort of alterior motive, like putting on a happy face just to make them think that I'm doing better than I really am. The truth is that I do feel better, and I just hope that she does too. Maybe one of these days, I'll be able to be friends with her again. In fact, I would say that if she were ready to be friends again now, I would be too. So we shall see.

[Ally Boo]

I am reading a book, and at the beginning of each of the chapters, there is a quote. I found it to be ironic that the quote on the chapter I'm about to start is by Rainer Maria Rilke (who I had never heard of until yesterday thanks to Rilke boy) I thought I'd share the quote.....

"For one human to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks, the ultimate, the last proof, the work, for which all other work is but preparation."

[Rilke-boy]

Amen!