mortensorchid Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 This is a problem that I have come to realize in recent years. I also write this as a response and hopeful reaction to the private message that I received the other day. (To the individual that wrote said private message - *DISCLAIMER* should you be reading this, this message is not directed directly at you, nor it is an expression of anger towards you.) I was rather shocked to read this message, as said person and I have never met nor have we had any other exchange other than two emails. They gleaned the information strictly from postings, and many of my friends - long time and just recent, as well as a few people that I have just met once and then never seen again, have said the same things to me! I have an aura about me. I have been told that I come off as cold and unfeeling towards people. I admit, I am icy. Looking back on my childhood experiences, I was always controlled either by my parents or a high end prep school I went to for high school. Also, afraid of being mocked or teased by peers (and who isn't?), I learned to keep my emotions deep inside of me. When I am at rest, I rarely crack a smile or come off as warm. Friends will tell you that they all had their first impressions of me as being cold, unfeeling, and unfriendly. Over time, they all said, they realized that I am not cold and unfeeling. A few years ago, I had a one time get together with someone I met on line. We got together for one drink, and as we were chit chatting, he said to me "You are so cold and unfeeling. Isn't there ANYTHING soft and gentle about you?" Quite honestly, I found him rude enough without that comment, but that was the icing on the cake and I promptly walked out on him. What can I do about this? If this really is the case, then I have to break down my fortress and really change myself. What CAN I do about this so I don't come off to others - not just potential lovers but complete strangers on the street! - as a cold hard bitch? Link to post Share on other sites
prettybaby Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Wow lol People say I'm warm and friendly so maybe this will help: I think it's mainly because I smile so much. You just have to keep in mind that people are attracted to anything that expresses positivity and happiness. So, look happy, basically. Make eye contact, smile. Also, when you start a conversation with someone, look and act interested. Ask questions. Share information about yourself! I often start by sharing info about me, then they feel comfortable enough to do the same. A third point, which should really be the first, actually: self confidence. You won't be able to behave like a happy, open person unless you feel comfortable in your skin and love yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
crosswordfiend Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 are you like this in all your interactions? perhaps you come off as icy and closed-up because you've already decided that you don't want to get to know someone. this aloofness might come from too much self-confidence. it sounds like an acting class might do you some good. there's nothing more uncomfortable than being out there on a stage with everyone looking at you. you feel totally naked and vulnerable out there, but going through the process really helps you open-up and generate self-awareness. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 People say I'm warm and friendly so maybe this will help: I think it's mainly because I smile so much. You just have to keep in mind that people are attracted to anything that expresses positivity and happiness. So, look happy, basically. Make eye contact, smile. Also, when you start a conversation with someone, look and act interested. Ask questions. Share information about yourself! I often start by sharing info about me, then they feel comfortable enough to do the same. A third point, which should really be the first, actually: self confidence. You won't be able to behave like a happy, open person unless you feel comfortable in your skin and love yourself. Great post. Yes, people are most attractive when they're smiling. Do you know why they're smiling? Because they are happy inside. You become a happy person exactly as PB says. By loving yourself. I went out on a date a while back. At the end, I said to myself, "she wasn't very warm." Sounds like you, too. A lot of guys (like me) are attracted to inner happiness. If you like yourself, if you have a fun outlook on life - I like you too. It's simple. Plus, you sound like you might be hot. So perhaps try to bring out the carefree spirit in yourself, and be nicer to people. You'll be surprised about how much better you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
lightning spades Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 yeah, smiling more definitely helps. personally, i think a girl's most attractive feature is her smile - sometimes i've been drawn to girls for that reason alone, because they have an amazingly warm smile. i don't know if you should go out of your way to smile when you're not feeling it though...a fake smile is worse than no smile at all. maybe you can try to let your emotions out a little? you can start by having meaningful conversations with people who are close to you, and eventually the walls will begin to crumble. Link to post Share on other sites
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