Charles1978 Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 There is a girl that I've become pretty close to over the past few months. We are great together... we both know this and have talked about it. Problem is, I'm not really wanting a relationship right now. Neither is she. She just got out of a relationship a couple months ago that she says she needs time to move on from. So, no big deal. She wanted to talk the other night. She told me that she wants a relationship with me, but is afraid to jump into one with me because she knows it would get serious quickly. It is such a weird situation, and it is messing with my emotions. The chemistry we have together... I've only found it once before. A couple nights ago, a parking garage attendant even joked out of the blue that he sensed some serious chemistry... we both laughed. Pretty strange, I know. But everybody sees it, our friends included. So with her on the rebound, and myself not really wanting a relationship yet, I feel that we could be missing out on something great. I'm not sure we are doing the right thing by waiting. Has anyone had a similar situation? Not wanting a serious relationship with anyone... and for that reason, avoiding one that you know would be great? I do think we are doing the right thing, but boy is it hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 I love this. The forum is choc-a-bloc full of people bemoaning the loss and demise of their great serious relationship, and others who are desperate to find one - and here you are, in a potentially perfect situation - and you're fighting it tooth and nail! May I ask why, precisely? Why DON'T you want a serious relationship (even though to all intents and purposes, like it or not, you're IN one)? And if she finds herself happy in a relationship with obvious Chemistry, does she need 'more time to move on'....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charles1978 Posted December 28, 2008 Author Share Posted December 28, 2008 You make a good point. I am just stretched pretty thin at the moment without much time to devote to a relationship. But obviously if I am having these thoughts that I illustrated in my post, it could be said that maybe I'm not being honest with myself. When it comes down to it, while the idea of a relationship might not be in the cards for me right now, I do still want a relationship with her. But she has been clear that she needs more time, but from time to time she will make it clear that she wants one with me. She seems a bit back and forth about it, so I have been trying to protect myself emotionally from the situation by trying to play it as cool as possible. But her indecision is understandable having just ended a relationship. I understand she needs time, but I've just never been in this situation before. It is new to me to wait on a relationship for whatever reason. I was just looking for some similar situations to see how they panned out. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 I thnk you need to have a heart-to-heart with her, and put your cards on the table. It's an old, tried and tested adage that the moment we're NOT looking for love it bats us round the head with a velvet-covered frying pan..... You seem to have found what you weren't looking for, and so has she. How about you consider yourselves in a relationship, and exclusive, but you give each other the time, space and liberty to breathe, and promise one another to not hurry things? Take the pressure off. What's the urgency anyway? Life is for relaxing and enjoying. Communicate, be open with one another, respect one another and put your trust in the other's integrity. How can you go wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charles1978 Posted December 28, 2008 Author Share Posted December 28, 2008 Thanks for the response. I have told her directly how I feel, and she has told me the same. But when we take time to ourselves... a week or two... we end up missing eachother. She'll tell me she misses me, and we'll hang out and have a blast together. She said she needs time, but I think she is struggling with this just as I am. I think she has times that she will think about the situation and want to see me, yet she is also trying to stay true to herself and not get into another relationship when she has told herself not to. All I can do is be her friend and take things as they come, but it is difficult. Neither one of us expected this, and I don't think either of us have a clue about how to go forward. It hasn't been a bad experience, and I realize this is a good problem to have. It helps to hear other opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
ladylyra Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 I'm in the EXACT same situation... We've been casually dating for almost 6 months, each one of us having recently ended long-term relationships. Add in grad school and long distance... it really isn't easy. Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBeagle Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Let me tell you, from experience, LISTEN TO HER. She needs time, give it to her. Avoid the rebound relationship at all costs. Link to post Share on other sites
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