tkgirl Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 I need some advice... there's this guy I've dated off and on this past, um... year! (long story) I really fell hard for him... too hard I think and too soon... and he bailed on me, not once but twice! This last time I decided that's it, I gave him a second chance when he came back around... but no more. As hard as it is I feel like I have to move on, learn from my mistakes and put the past behind me. And it has been hard because I really had strong feelings for him and he is not easy to forget... I also feel he really liked me too, but doesn't know how to deal with his feelings so he just bails. I don't know... but here's what's happening now... About two months ago when HE ended it, he said how he still really liked me blah blah blah but that we just didn't have "that chemistry" (BS). So we decided that we would "just be friends". Of course we don't talk or see each other and I thought that was it. But on Thanksgiving I got a text from him, wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving" and then added how he missed talking to me. I responded (a few hours later) and said "you too". He immediately texted back saying he wanted to see me... we did this back and forth thing for a bit and then he finally just called and we talked on the phone. It was a nice enough conversation... like two old friends... BUT we never made plans... like what happened to him wanting to see me? Anyways, that was two weeks ago... then tonight I get another text from him (I'm beginning to hate texts) and he just wrote "what are you doing?" That was a few hours ago and I haven't responded. I don't know what he wants... I don't think he knows either. He needs figure out his feelings for me but it doesn't feel right to just ignore his text. But at the same time I don't want him to think he can just snap his fingers and I'll come running back to him. He's going to have to try a little harder than that. The problem is I still really like him and he must still have feelings for me too, or at least he still thinks about me. I know what some of you might think... that it's a friday night and it's like a last minute bootie call kind of text... but I swear he is not like that. That was one more thing I liked so much about him, he really did respect me. My feeling is that he might be just "testing the waters" and seeing how I'll respond, if I'm mad at him or... ? I just wish he would stop being such a chicken s*** and step up a bit more. Like if you like me, great.. let's work this out... but if you don't then leave me alone and let me move on... Anyways.. I think I got off track a bit... sorry! guess I need to vent some. So what should I do? continue to ignore him, hoping he'll figure it out that he can't just come in and out of my life. And maybe he'll even realize he really does like me and want me back and will try harder. Or do I respond.. ask him what the F he is thinking and send him running for the hills again. I just want him to want me.. or leave me alone... this sucks, here it is a friday night and I'm alone and I want to see him... I wonder if he feels the same way... Link to post Share on other sites
addidas Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 it sounds like you just want him to step up to the plate and be a man that knows what he wants.. and doesnt muddle around indecisively about it either. Link to post Share on other sites
oceangrl Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 I would wait for him to call you and not respond to that text. Link to post Share on other sites
confused_2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 Well, FWIW, I was the guy you described in your post, really. I was seeing this girl earlier this fall who fell hard and fast for me and I freaked and bailed. Well, we kept in touch and I realized how much I missed her so I made my juvenile attempt at winning her back . It basically involved a long letter explaining why I screwed up and how much she really meant to me. Well, she continued at least responding when I would contact her and what not, but looking back she was probably trying to let me down easy. Maybe her feelings were changing or she was just too leary of dealing with my crap. Anyway, my point is if this guy is as similar to me as he sounds, he does think you are still that into him and would come running back to him if he "snaps his fingers", as he assumes that's what you've wanted all along. As to how you should deal with it, first decide if you really do want to be with him. If you do, I personally would suggest telling him how you feel and that he needs to decide what he wants. Tell him not to contact you until he is ready to move forward, deal with his emotions, and make some kind of commitment (might not be the best word if you don't want to scare him away, but you get the idea). If he keeps up with the petty conversation just to feel connected with you, ignore him. I'm learning pretty fast how consistently people recommend no contact on these forums and this is another case where it would be a good idea. Really, you guys aren't moving anywhere with these exchanges, are you? He feels good because you're still talking to him, but you're at a standstill because you're kind of in limbo as to what he wants. You might not want to hear it, but after a few weeks of no contact, you might not even want anything to do with him and you will come out a stronger person. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 I would have responded to the text, but there's no way I would have told him I was at home alone. I wouldn't have said I was on a date, but maybe out at a movie with friends, or something. Maybe you could respond later today saying you didn't respond last night because you were busy and leave it at that. Not entirely a lie since you WERE busy - worrying about how to respond. LOL But you don't need to tell him that part. After that, I'd leave it up to him to toe the line. If he doesn't step up and make some concrete plans, I think I'd stop responding to his texts and let him figure out that a phone call is the MAN thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
confused_2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 I just wanted to add that no contact has actually been liberating for me. You tell the person where you stand and leave it up to them to make the next move. It's out of your hands. Go on, live your life, make yourself better and not worry about what you could be doing to help the situation move forward because you've done all that you could. If it's meant to be, it will work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gremio Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 I know what some of you might think... that it's a friday night and it's like a last minute bootie call kind of text... but I swear he is not like that. That was one more thing I liked so much about him, he really did respect me. My feeling is that he might be just "testing the waters" and seeing how I'll respond, if I'm mad at him or... ? I just wish he would stop being such a chicken s*** and step up a bit more. Like if you like me, great.. let's work this out... but if you don't then leave me alone and let me move on... Perhaps it isn't looking for a booty call but he is just using you. Since he disappears for weeks, I get the feeling he keeps in touch only when he is bored. "what are you doing" is so generic and blah. I would ignore it. I do not tolerate people ignoring me at all. Even if you reappear later, our friendships has already been terminated by me. I also want to add that I strongly believe that once you break up it will never work. You broke up for a reason and were not able to resolve that before the split. It will come up again, gauranteed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tkgirl Posted December 13, 2008 Author Share Posted December 13, 2008 I decided to respond to his stupid text or it would be hanging over my head.. that's just how I am.. I would feel rude if I ignored it. So last night before I decided to call it a night (about 5 hours after he sent his text) I just texted back with a stupid and vague "what are YOU doing?" I didn't hear back so I just went to bed. Then this morning I saw he responded.. he wrote "recording... you?" yea, he's a musician... flaky but oh so cute... sigh... Anyho... I responded again and said "oops.. went to bed and missed your 2nd text" then went on and asked him how the recording went and at the end I added "p.s. did you see the moon last night?" It was pretty amazing... the closest it was to the earth all year etc. I decided to keep it light and then let it go... ball's back in his court I guess. I would like it if he would step up, but I honestly don't think he has it him. I do still have feelings for him but realize it is better if I just move on... he needs to figure out his feelings for me and nothing I say or do is going to make him do that, right? But yea, these lame little texts are getting annoying and he better figure things out soon before someone else snatches me up.. a girl can only wait so long! lol anyho.. thanks everyone for all your input... pretty cool how different some of the responses were. Loveshack rocks! Link to post Share on other sites
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