NEED advice - should i cut my losses or try try again?

[lovebug1306]

a little background -

 

this guy - sweet, nice and i am very attracted to him.

 

we're friends w the same people so i had heard his name a lot before we met, as he had heard about me too. we definitely have a lot in common from what i've heard. one friend even tried to set us up but we were both too insecure to do it. so like three weeks ago he came up to me at our college's cafeteria and started a conversation. I was a little overwhelmed and nervous but it went ok. we then started saying hi or other little greetings when we saw each other. We talked like 2 times more briefly.

 

Information about him -

 

He has a lot of friends, male and female. He is in the best and cutest fraternity on campus. He does not date a lot and hasnt had many girlfriends from what I hear. I hear that he is a little insecure because he's not "the Abercrombie model" type that most guys in his fraternity are. and that girls "never like him as more than a friend." So I grow a set and call him and ask him to my formal. He sounded really excited and wanted to go but he told me that he might have to go home for "something." I was suspicious. But we talked for a little bit after that and he was so cool, I just put my worry aside. Then he calls me and tells me that he's "sooo sorry" and can't go but that he really apprecaites me asking and that he would love to go if he could. That and 1.25 will get me a cup of coffee.

 

HERE is the IMPORTANT part I call him back and i left a message that it was "not a big deal at all that i thought it would be fun but im sure we'll hang out another time. If you want to call me back that would be cool." He hasnt called back yet. Now was I not specific enough or should I take this as complete rejection? My friend said that he has NO IDEA that I like him and that he's probably didnt think he SHOULD call back. My other friend thinks that if he likes me he will call and if he doesnt he doesnt like me. WHAT DO YOU THINK???

 

More info -

 

After this debacle, of which I am fully mortified and wondegood idea - I have three interactions that made me feel better -

 

1. A fraternity brother of his tells me - "You know why he can't go, right? It's his sisters engagement party"

 

2. Another brother tells me - "I talked to him today and just so you know he really wanted to go. He was visibly upset and said that he was mad it was the same day as his family thing because he said you seemed cool and that going would be so much fun. He said he was really flattered that you asked him and he felt really bad he couldnt go."

 

3. Another mutual friend said that he came to her the night I aske dhim and told her "I might be going to your formal" He said he was really going to try and get out of it bc he wanted to go but wasnt sure if he could. He also told her 'Guess who asked me?" and when she didnt guess my name he was like "I can't believe she didnt tell you she was askign me" SHe said he was really happy I asked him.

 

So after hearing a lot of this I felt better.

 

So why hasnt he called?????? Was he just being nice to me? Was he just saying all that to his friends or does he just not think that he should call? Does he not think that I really wanted him to call me back and hang out with me or that I am not interested?

 

Or his he blowing me off and I should take the hint? PLease be honest!!!!!!!!!!

[midori]

Hard to say. The fact that he didn't call you back after you'd specifically suggested that he do so obviously doesn't bode well. But maybe he's just shy and indecisive when it comes to women.

 

Why hasn't one of these mutual friends prodded him to call you up? The ball is definitely in his court. Shy or not, the onus is on him to take some initiative since he had to turn down your invitation. But I don't think you'd look at all foolish calling him up to invite him for a cup of coffee one afternoon. It doesn't sound like he's blowing you off, but it does sound like he needs to get his act together and get some courage while he's at it. Don't be paralyzed with fear, but don't make it too easy for him. Call him up & invite him for coffee or something simple & benign. Have a lovely hour or two with him. Then make sure he has your number, and tell him you'd love to hear from him. After that, make him do the work. He needs to take responsibility for things that he wants rather than just waiting for them to come to him.

 

Good luck!

[clia]

My opinion is that he may be interested, but he's obviously not interested enough to call you back and set something up. Of course, part of this hinges on how long it's been since you left the message. If it hasn't been that long, you may hear from him in the future.

 

You said:

 

"I call him back and i left a message that it was "not a big deal at all that i thought it would be fun but im sure we'll hang out another time. If you want to call me back that would be cool."

 

You could not have opened the door any further. Even a complete idiot would take this as an indication that it is completely safe to call you back. I don't care how insecure he is--you made the first move. He should know that it is safe for him to go ahead and make a move to call you back.

 

My initial reaction is that him not telling you why he couldn't attend your formal is suspect. I mean, if it's his sister's engagement party, that's a completely valid excuse for not being able to go! To me, this screams that he may not be interested in making you a part of his life or bringing you into his world.

 

Point blank, what I've learned is that if a guy is truly interested, he calls. (And he calls often.) Many gals who post on this board for advice do not believe that. (Or don't want to believe that.) Trust me, it's true. Even guys who are shy, insecure, etc. will call if they want to spend time with you and get to know you better, especially after getting an opening like you gave.

 

Don't call him again, and if you see him, don't suggest getting together. You've already done that. (But be friendly and flirty, of course!) Let him take the lead. If he is truly interested, he will call you. If you take the lead and keep suggesting things, you will never know whether he really likes you or not. If you let him lead and call you, then you know that he likes you. It's as simple as that.

 

In the meantime, you've got a whole campus full of guys to date. Date away and don't think about this too much! If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Just be patient!

a little background - this guy - sweet, nice and i am very attracted to him. we're friends w the same people so i had heard his name a lot before we met, as he had heard about me too. we definitely have a lot in common from what i've heard. one friend even tried to set us up but we were both too insecure to do it. so like three weeks ago he came up to me at our college's cafeteria and started a conversation. I was a little overwhelmed and nervous but it went ok. we then started saying hi or other little greetings when we saw each other. We talked like 2 times more briefly. Information about him - He has a lot of friends, male and female. He is in the best and cutest fraternity on campus. He does not date a lot and hasnt had many girlfriends from what I hear. I hear that he is a little insecure because he's not "the Abercrombie model" type that most guys in his fraternity are. and that girls "never like him as more than a friend." So I grow a set and call him and ask him to my formal. He sounded really excited and wanted to go but he told me that he might have to go home for "something." I was suspicious. But we talked for a little bit after that and he was so cool, I just put my worry aside. Then he calls me and tells me that he's "sooo sorry" and can't go but that he really apprecaites me asking and that he would love to go if he could. That and 1.25 will get me a cup of coffee. HERE is the IMPORTANT part I call him back and i left a message that it was "not a big deal at all that i thought it would be fun but im sure we'll hang out another time. If you want to call me back that would be cool." He hasnt called back yet. Now was I not specific enough or should I take this as complete rejection? My friend said that he has NO IDEA that I like him and that he's probably didnt think he SHOULD call back. My other friend thinks that if he likes me he will call and if he doesnt he doesnt like me. WHAT DO YOU THINK??? More info - After this debacle, of which I am fully mortified and wondegood idea - I have three interactions that made me feel better - 1. A fraternity brother of his tells me - "You know why he can't go, right? It's his sisters engagement party" 2. Another brother tells me - "I talked to him today and just so you know he really wanted to go. He was visibly upset and said that he was mad it was the same day as his family thing because he said you seemed cool and that going would be so much fun. He said he was really flattered that you asked him and he felt really bad he couldnt go." 3. Another mutual friend said that he came to her the night I aske dhim and told her "I might be going to your formal" He said he was really going to try and get out of it bc he wanted to go but wasnt sure if he could. He also told her 'Guess who asked me?" and when she didnt guess my name he was like "I can't believe she didnt tell you she was askign me" SHe said he was really happy I asked him. So after hearing a lot of this I felt better.

 

So why hasnt he called?????? Was he just being nice to me? Was he just saying all that to his friends or does he just not think that he should call? Does he not think that I really wanted him to call me back and hang out with me or that I am not interested? Or his he blowing me off and I should take the hint? PLease be honest!!!!!!!!!!