! - New to all this again

[newagain]

Okay, this is incredibly long, but I need some advice.

 

Please let me know your opinions about my experience. I have no clue what to think...

 

I met my friend for drinks with her co-workers about a month ago. I hit it off with all her friends. They thought I was funny, told me they liked me, and said I should come out with them again (they go out every month or two, but some of them are social outside of the bigger group). I got a vibe from one of her co-workers 'S' that he was attracted to me.

 

I went to the bathroom with my friend, asked about 'S's situation (he was available, didn't date much). While I was in the bathroom 'S' was talking with another co-worker who later told me that 'S' liked me and thought I was "intense." Co-worker told 'S' to do something about it.

 

As I was walking back outside (the bar was outside), 'S' was walking inside. I stopped, looked at him. He stopped, looked at me. Then, like something out of a movie, he walked up to me, put his arms around me, and kissed me.

 

omg! It was wonderful. Wonderful kisser. We kissed for a while, then he went inside to the bathroom. I went back to the group. We all chatted and had a good time. 'S' came back outside and socialized. Then later we started kissing again. We went back to my car, made out, but I wouldn't go further, told him I wanted to see him again.

 

He called 3 days later, and we set up a date for Friday. We went for dinner, got a movie for his place, watched about 10 minutes, and then retired to the bedroom. The sex was pretty good, but didn't send me over the top. I asked for a little help after he was satisfied twice. He blatantly told me he was too tired. He said his dog (that I'm allergic to) would bark all night if he didn't let it in to sleep on the bed, he had to get up at 8 in the morning to do work, and I would have to go. I let him know I thought he was being rude (it was not even 11 pm). I asked what he had thought tonight was going to be... that I was going to come over and have sex with him and then not spend the night? He said he didn't know. He lightened up a bit, and then we went at it again, but not to my completion. Again he refused to help me out. He was nicer about it, but it was astonishing. We talked about whether we could see each other at my place, so as not to have to accomodate the dog, and he said yes, but he'd have to arrange ahead of time for someone to take care of his dog. He was more gracious. and said he would call.

 

Three days later he emailed me, said that he was swamped at work (a fact my friend confirmed - 'S' just got a promotion), and asked how my weekend went. I emailed back and told him about a weird incident that happened at my grad school, asked him about his work (website stuff - I know a little about it).

 

I didn't hear from him for another week. I heard from my friend - through her work grapevine - that 'S', when asked our date, said he had a good time, thought I was cute, but that I was allergic to his dog. What was he supposed to do, get rid of his dog?

 

I figured that was that. Then he emailed, responded to my ''weird' story with a little joke, apologized for not emailing, said he was very, very busy at work, and said he was going on a business trip in the coming week. Asked what I had been up to. I emailed him back, said it was nice to hear from him because I thought my 'weird' story might have freaked him out and he might have thought later for me . I sympathized with his busyness, told him about some music I heard that weekend, and told him I was dog-sitting for my sister on Saturday. He should stop by if he was free.

 

No response from him. Turns out he went to Canada on business that week. On Friday, I went out to dinner with my friend who blew me off for a movie afterward. Went home feeling lonely, and 'S' called. He was leaving a party, and what was I doing? I told him about my night, that I had a sore throat, and he asked if I wanted to hang out. I said yes, he came over, and WOW!

 

When he showed up, he went to kiss me, and I told him to be careful, I had a cold. He said he didn't care and kissed me. He said he was sorry he didn't call earlier, but he was in Canada.

 

He made up for the last time several times! He obviously made an effort, made sure I was taken care of before he even tried anything for himself, and then.... well, then it just got better. We were all over my house. And it ran the gamut from wild and passionate to gentle and intimate. Amazingly good compatibility. It was like he was psychic!

 

He asked me how I could dog-sit if I was allergic to dogs, and I told him that is what antihistamines were for. He looked surprised and said, 'Oh!' He was also dog-sitting that weekend for friends and had to meet them at 4am when they were leaving. He said he had to go, sounding disappointed.

 

He was affectionate as we said our goodbyes, and I told him I was glad he called, he said he was glad too. He said again he was sorry he didn't call before, but he was out of town. He said he would talk to me soon.

 

On Wednesday, I emailed him and asked how he was. I told him I hoped I didn't get him sick He wrote back the next morning, saying he was good, but busy busy! He said he was not sick, but between me, his manager, and his other sick friends, he should be

 

Sorry this was so long, but I was confused by all the different things that happened, and couldn't figure out whether he was interested in me or not. I still am confused. I realize he is very busy with work, and that we went into everything sexual very quickly, so I don't know what the situation is. Should I ask him out with a specific event in mind? Should I wait to see if he asks me out? Should I just assume he wants bootycalls, even though he has kept in touch with emails and valid excuses for not seeing me?

 

I have no idea how all this goes, as I just got out of a very LTR about half a year ago. It's not like me to just jump in bed with someone, but the chemistry was unbelievable. I hardly know anything about this guy, except he hasn't been in a relationship for about 2 years, and doesn't date much. I'd really like to see him on a few dates to get to know him, and find out if we should just keep it sexual, or if there could be anything more to this.

 

Help...... please.....

[newagain]

anyone? I really don't know what to do....

[Geishawhelk]

What's your problem?

Looks like you're getting into a nice relationship...

I don't quite understand what the question is.

[newagain]

I'm afraid I set a precident for only having a sexual/booty call relationship, and that that is why he didn't ask me out in his last email to me. Am I just over-thinking this?

 

Wouldn't he call or ask me out if he wanted to actually date me?

 

Should I ask him out with a specific event in mind?

 

Should I wait to see if he asks me out?

 

Should I just assume he wants bootycalls, even though he has kept in touch with emails and valid excuses for not seeing me?

[newagain]

I'd especially appreciate a man's perspective on this. He 30 years old if that helps.

[mrose2008]

Each situation is different..I slept with my now husband the 3rd weekend we were together....so by no means does it mean you are a booty call to this guy..

[newagain]

The thing is we have had all of 10 minutes of conversation together. Then again, I'm told by my friend who works with him that he doesn't talk much.

 

I still don't know if I should ask him out or wait, or if I should respond if he booty calls again.

 

What do I do, if anything?

 

Men, any ideas on what is going through his mind?

[indianlover]

As everyone else has said, every situation is different...however be cautious is my advice. I got into a 'relationship' very similar to your situation and it turned out really bad. Make sure you balance the physical with the intellectual and if you feel like he's using you stop the physical for a while. (I know that's easier said than done). But if you want a relationship with this guy it has to be more than a booty call for both of you. Also men won't readily admit its a booty call because the calls would then end. So be careful!