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Is there such thing as "white picket fence" dream?


MarieD

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Hello All

I was just thinking lately, growing up we were all taught that you meet a man/women & get married, have kids, have a house and live happily ever after.

 

I am 35 years old & am wondering if the idea of the "white picket fence" dream is just a fantasy. It is just something we were taught as little girls that just isnt' reality??

 

Most of my friends and family that are married are miserable. I can't find my 'prince on the white horse', anywhere. When i tell friends that i am grieving the white picket fence dream, they look at me like i have 10 heads & say, "are u serious - there is no such thing".

 

I am starting to think there is no such thing anymore!!

Just wondering what you guys think.

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Who cares what other people think?

 

Everyone has their own dreams and you are entitled to them no matter what the rest of the world is doing or dreaming about.

 

 

There are 30 billion people out there. I'm sure there's someone else who shares your ideals. If not, just find one with different dreams and nag the hell out of him until he gives in. Isn't that what the norm is in a marriage?

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I don't care what people think, i am just looking for opinions.

 

I am starting to think that there is no white picket fence out there & maybe i should just go with my Plan B & have a baby without a man!

& just be happy that way! hahaha

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Hello All

I was just thinking lately, growing up we were all taught that you meet a man/women & get married, have kids, have a house and live happily ever after.

Don't you just love the cinderella-mills & Boon -fairytale ending crap we're fe4d as children? I blame I love Lucy. And The Brady Bunch.

 

I am 35 years old & am wondering if the idea of the "white picket fence" dream is just a fantasy. It is just something we were taught as little girls that just isnt' reality??

Yes.

 

Most of my friends and family that are married are miserable. I can't find my 'prince on the white horse', anywhere. When i tell friends that i am grieving the white picket fence dream, they look at me like i have 10 heads & say, "are u serious - there is no such thing".

And they should know.

 

I am starting to think there is no such thing anymore!!

Just wondering what you guys think.

you've only just started thinking...........? What took you so long?

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I am starting to think there is no such thing anymore!!

Just wondering what you guys think.

I feel bad for many women out there who dream of the husband, house, car, children, and little dog. Many might see these women as "they want to avoid responsibility and mooch off a guy", but I more think these are the women who held on to that traditional "Father Knows Best" dream of being the housewife and mom, while the masculine husband acts as the breadwinner and head of the household.

 

Worse when the biological clock is ticking, so many women who want their own kids feel under so much pressure to "find someone" before the child-bearing window closes.

 

I think guys first need to be less paranoid and more realistic. It's funny when I meet guys who want to have the house, family, etc...but they want a beautiful woman who has a great career. Ok...do you see the problem here? If I was a woman and worked so hard to build a career for myself, why would I want to give that up or lessen it to have a family? However, the woman who maybe got some education so she could get a decent job, but really wants to be a wife and mom...that's the ideal one.

 

Marie, I don't really know if you want to be a housewife or a working mom, but I guess the only advice I have is to stay open-minded when it comes to men, as well as have that life goal written in "pencil", so you can erase and change it as you see fit. I'm 35, and I was ready to chuck it and live a life alone filled with travel and personal goals.

 

Then I met my current out of the blue when I least expected it. It's funny how that works. She's 33 and I'm 35, but she's also on her own personal career goal to become a dentist...so when she graduates the window for bearing children might be near gone or gone...especially if she's going to get into practice.

 

The way I look at things is more on now is that we can do our lives any way we want. For all I know she could fall out of love with me while in school, or meet someone else, and I end up alone again. If we wanted a family when we're older we could adopt if it's too late to have our own. I still feel personally that a child's personality and behavior is more shown by how his/her parents raised him/her over what genetically they carry.

 

Marie, do the same. Write goals for yourself in "pencil". Write them as if you never meet anyone. Basically what you would do with your life if no prince came along...then live that. Chances are a pretty girl like you will meet a prince when you least expect it. Just seems to happen that way.

 

If not, then you live a happy life alone. I think your friends are miserable because while they are married, they're still playing the role of two individuals. I believe my RL is happy because I make it happy. I work with her when there's a problem, as opposed to battling for domination. I won't let her leash me, but I will be a partner to her. That to me is how any couple can have the white picket fence dream as opposed to the Married With Children nightmare.

 

I wish you luck and will pray for you. ;)

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Wow! DJam thanks!!! U actuallly put a smile on my face! :D

U r right!! I have to write my dream in pencil & then my if it doesn't happen, I'll always have my Plan B!!

 

Yes, my parents have the 'white picket fence' dream. 45 years of marriage & its stronger than EVER! I guess I always thought that is how its supposed to be, but these days its not! That is just a fantasy!

 

Gei - I know, what took me so long!! hahaha It takes me a little longer to realize things, cause i always want to see the good in people & give them the benefit of the doubt, so it takes me a little longer than the normal person!!!

 

Thanks for your replies!! ;)

Thanks for the nice compliments DJam! ;)

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White picket fences and knights in shining armor are the worst things mothers could have promised their daughters. Life is dynamic, nothing is guaranteed, and it takes a bit a work to make any relationship work. Feeding someone a false sense of reality is probably not a good thing, I remember how disappointed I was when I found out there was not Santa Clause.:o

 

There is a freelance author that wrote a good book that addresses this issue with modern American women, her name is Michelle Langley. The title of the book may not be topic related, but there are some really good points that touch on your question.

 

http://www.womensinfidelity.com/

 

 

Final Answer = No

 

Cheers!

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If I was a woman and worked so hard to build a career for myself, why would I want to give that up or lessen it to have a family?

 

Some women build a career but then meet someone that makes them want to have a family, so they put the career aside somewhat. That makes sense to me because these days it's more practical to start out expecting to be single and need to support yourself. There is a middle ground I think.

 

I'm working hard on building my career because I want one (as opposed to just a job); but if I ever meet the right guy, family WILL come first. I would advise any girl to do the same. You can always alter the course of your career (unless you're a doctor, in which case it could be extremely difficult!), and in the meantime having one gives you confidence and attracts better quality (if perhaps, fewer) guys to you.

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I think the typical "white picket fence" dream is the exception, not the rule. The only people I know that would fit that mold is my bro and his wife. They're married, got the suburban home, the dog, the cats, and the kid on the way, and seem to be doing pretty well overall.

 

But virtually everyone else I know haven't followed that template.

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Its not a fantasy, you will be able to get a house in the suburbs with a husband and a white picket fence, but things will not always be perfect.

 

As a guy, its a future goal if mine(I would prefer to own allot more land and not live in the suburbs but besides that).

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